Memories aren't Everything
by The Ink Hidden Within
Summary: "LAVI!" shouted Kanda as the Bookman Successor fell. Two years have passed since Lavi's death and Kanda is finding hard to overcome the grief. But what will happen when he found Lavi alive, without any memories of his past and falls in love for another?
1. the Bookman Successor Falls

_Hi guys! twentysixaugust here would like to introduce/present to u my very very 1st fanfic as a DGM fan! Coz i'm a newbie here, do RnR and gimme comments to improve in order for everyone here to enjoy the story!_

_but 1st, read the following b4 you start reading:-_

_Pairing(s): Kanda x Lavi, OC x Lavi (Rufus), slight one-sided Allen x Lavi_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's 'Death', Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

_ok you have been warned, so NO flamming saying i did not_

_Enjoy~~~~_

**Chapter 1 - Prologue/Beginning : the Bookman Successor Falls**

"I dare you to say that again," the exorcist with an untied long black hair growled angrily.

"Like I said," replied the other while the wind blew his red hair. "Just-"

"NO! I REFUSE!"

"Yuu…"

"Fuck you, Lavi. One more word from you and you will face Mugen."

It was definitely a desperate situation. He needed to think of a way to resolve the problem. He needed to think of a way to get out of the nasty situation they are in right now WITHOUT anyone being sacrificed.

"Damn it, where is that _Moyashi _when you needed him," growled Kanda as one of his hands hold on to a random rock of the cliff while the other holding on to his fellow exorcist's hand.

"There is no way Allen will make it on time," Lavi explained, surprisingly in a calm manner. "He is too preoccupied with the _Akumas_ attacking the town. Please Yuu, just unhand-"

"Shut up and do nothing or face Mugen, you choose," replied Kanda with a murderous glare towards Lavi. Despite the limit of his strength that he could feel, Kanda held on to the rock and Lavi's hand tightly, refusing to lose to his limits and let go neither of them. Everything will be over if he lets go either one, especially at the end of the really high cliff is a huge sea. Chances of surviving after a fall are close to zero.

And despite knowing that fact, Lavi answered Kanda, accompanied by actions which are most probably one of Kanda's shocks of his life.

Lavi was actually smiling cheerfully towards him, and released the grip he had on the hand of Kanda he was holding.

"Then I choose to do nothing," Again with a satisfied smile that sent fear and panic to the Japanese swordsman.

"NO! Lavi! Don't! Don't do this! Damn it, Lavi! If you love me, DON'T DO THIS!"

"But Yuu, it is precisely because I love you, I must do this," Again, the smile that sent the shivers.

Kanda could feel that their hands are slipping, fast.

"NO LAVI! DON'T DO THIS! I NEED YOU! **ALIVE** GODDAMNIT!"

This time, Lavi showed a grin.

"Its okay, Yuu," Now three fingers of Lavi's hand are left in Kanda's. "I will always be alive, in your heart."

"NO PLEASE LAVI! DON'T DO THIS! NOT TO ME!"

Only the index finger is left… and is slipping away… fast…

"If I don't do this, I know I will regret it even as a soul living in heaven." Lavi said in a calm manner. He is not afraid of death, not now, for he knew that his release could mean nothing but the safety of the one he loved. Dead or alive, he will have no regrets…

Except for one…

"Tell Panda _jiji_ that I'm sorry for me will ya?"

Kanda tried to muster all his energy to hold on to the one last finger… No, he will not let go. He will not allow that _baka usagi_ to die. Not when he was the one holding him.

"I'm sorry, Yuu. I love you. _Arigatou,_ for everything you've done for me. So stay alive for me will ya?"

But Kanda's efforts proved futile as the finger finally slipped away from the hand…

"NO!" Kanda screamed, feeling useless.

"_Sayonara…_" Lavi managed to say as the finger and hand separated, leaving him to fall down the cliff, towards the sea while he slowly closed his single left eye, expressing the peace and satisfaction he felt from saving his lover…

"LAVI!" shouted Kanda as he helplessly witnessed the Bookman successor fell…

To Be Continued…

_so so? what do you guys think? sorry if you find it too short but I promise the further chapters are definitely longer!_

_so do RnR kk? as a newbie i will expect constructive criticism but NO FLAMMING coz if you do i will make sure you shall not survive till the next 26 august! XD_

_till next time jya ne!_

_P.S. if you enjoy the story and cant wait for the new chapter, gd news is that i'm already working on the 4th chap so u can expect at least 3 chp update by this wk =]]]_


	2. the Headband that is Left Behind

_hey hey guys! twentysixaugust here again!_

_firstly, i know that i promised at least 3 chps update by this week, but the time i had this morning only allows me to type 1 chp. but no worries! the remaining chps that i had written will b typed out by tonight or most probably tomorrow (coz i have no lessons tomorrow) so plz be patient with me even if you cannot wait._

_secondly, i would like to thank the people who had RnR the 1st chp! arigatou gozaimasu! thank you very much for ur support! really glad that you guys have enjoyed the 1st chp and i do hope u will continue enjoying the future chps. but do continue to support me through reviews kk? thanks again!_

_lastly, plz read the following b4 you read the chp:-_

_Rating: M – for lemon (none for this chp), Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10 (i will say about 7-8 for this chp)_

**Chapter 2 – Kanda's ****Regrets 1 : the Headband that is Left Behind**

"_NO!" Kanda screamed, feeling useless._

"_Sayonara…" Lavi managed to say before the finger and hand were separated, leaving him to fall down the cliff, towards the sea while he slowly closed his eyes, expressing the peace and satisfaction he felt from saving his lover…_

"_LAVI!" shouted Kanda as he helplessly witnessed the Bookman successor fell…_

"LAVI!" shouted Kanda, as he opened his eyes and began panting heavily, his hand reaching out into the air.

After more heavy panting and taking in some deep breaths, Kanda put down his hand and slapped his forehead, thinking of the terrible nightmare.

"Che," the only sound coming out in the room after it feels like hours, which is soon followed by knocks on his room door.

"Kanda, are you all right?" sounded the voice behind the door. Kanda made a growl and moved his body upwards, stood on the ground and walked quickly towards the door because the quickening rhythm of the knock on the door is getting on his nerves.

"What the fuck do you want, _Moyashi_?" Kanda questioned as he sent the usual cold and murderous glare to his fellow Exorcist with a short white hair and a pentacle- shaped scar on his left eye when he opened the door. He was really in a terrible mood thanks to the nightmare.

"Just checking if you are all right, after hearing all the screaming and shouting coming from your room," Allen answered with a voice of genuine concern, even ignoring the rude nickname Kanda had called him. 'This is definitely not the time and situation to be arguing over such trivial matters.' Allen thought.

Still, Kanda chose to answer him rudely by ignoring him and attempting to close the door while he went back into his room.

"Wait!" Allen exclaimed while stopping the black haired exorcist from closing the door. "Komui called for us and Lenalee to head down to a town in Norway for a mission."

"Che, say so earlier _Moyashi_," replied Kanda as he slammed the door on Allen's face.

"Meet us at about 1 hour time okay?" Allen exclaimed at the other side of the door.

After banging on the door and shouting "Shut up!" signaling that he heard the bean sprout, Kanda fell back onto his bed again. Thinking about the nightmare he just had, he turned to the table which has the hourglass with the lotus in it. However, what Kanda was looking at was not the lotus, but the headband that is lying beside the hourglass. Kanda then soon got up again and make his way towards the table, bringing up the headband towards his forehead. Tears started streaming down his cheeks.

"Lavi…"

_****Flashback****_

After a few minutes after Lavi fell, Allen finally made his way to the cliff, where he saw Kanda hanging there holding on to a rock on the cliff.

"Hold on Kanda! I will get you up immediately!" Allen shouted while throwing down a rope towards Kanda. "Hold on to the rope! I will pull you up now!"

Allen looked down; after making sure Kanda is holding on tightly to the rope, Allen quickly pull the rope up, till Kanda finally reached the surface.

It was soon after Allen realized the disappearance of the redhead.

"K-Kanda?" Allen asked, in a really worried tone. "W-W-Where's Lavi?"

At the mention of the name, Kanda suddenly pulled Allen towards him by pulling his coat and pinned him down on the floor, hard, causing Allen to gasp loudly and coughing up blood. (Injured while fighting the _Akumas_ in town) Kanda then begin to punch Allen in the face, hard as well.

"YOU! It's your entire fault! It's your entire fault you damn _Moyashi_! Why! Why didn't you reach here earlier! Why! If you had come earlier Lavi wouldn't… wouldn't…" Kanda screamed, while punching Allen hard on his face and panting heavily after mentioning the name. "LAVI WOULDN'T HAVE TO DIE! ITS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT YOU _MOYASHIIIIIIIII_!"

Allen, though panting heavily due to the punches by Kanda, gaped shockingly when he heard the news regarding the death of his red-haired comrade. No… This is not possible, Lavi had not… No! He refused to believe that! With all the strength he had left, he shoved Kanda aside and ran towards the top of the cliff, and start shouting, "LAVI!"

"Shut the fuck up! You _Moyashi_! Whatever you do won't bring Lavi back anymore! And its all YOUR FAULT! ITS ALL YOUR FAULT LAVI DIED!"

Once again, Kanda pinned Allen down and began punching Allen. Noticing the presence of Mugen by his side where he tossed it there before jumping towards Lavi to catch him, Kanda took it and unsheathed the sword, pointing the sharp end at Allen's throat. Allen shows no sign of resistance.

"What's wrong?" Allen asked. Everything seemed so unclear as tears are forming in his eyes. "Aren't you gonna kill me? Go ahead! Kill me! I believed you should have known, but I love Lavi as well! I am as sad as you are and if you think you can free me from this sadness and join Lavi in the afterlife, GO AHEAD! KILL ME! RIGHT NOW!" Allen screamed as he began sobbing like there is no tomorrow.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Kanda screamed at the top of his lungs, stabbing down his Mugen beside Allen's Head. He too, began to sob as hard as Allen.

After a few hours, the finders accompanying the exorcists for the mission managed to find the two exorcists, crying hard for the loss of the one they loved. After urging them to rest well, the finders searched for the body at the bottom of the cliff. However, after thoroughly searching for five days, no body was found. Instead, a headband was found at the bottom of the cliff, which obviously belonged to Bookman Junior.

When he saw the headband, Kanda immediately grabbed it as if it was part of his life, and once again cried loudly while holding it tightly and screaming Lavi's name. Everyone, including Allen believed Kanda should keep it, as they knew this will be what Lavi wanted.

_****End of Flashback****_

"Two years… I can't believe two years have passed so fast, ever since that day." Allen proclaimed, obviously in a very sad tone with a very sad face.

"Allen-kun…" Lenalee said as she put her hand on the shoulder of the cursed teenager. "Is it still hard for you and Kanda to talk to each other? If it is then you should-"

"No Lenalee, it's all right," Allen interrupted before Lenalee could finish what she was going to say. Lenalee nodded in response showing she understood, and then looking at a clock somewhere nearby from where they are.

"Kanda is late," she announced. "Is it possible he is not coming?"

"Who knows," replied Allen. "I won't blame him if he doesn't want to."

"And who is not coming? _Moyashi_?" Kanda retorted standing beside the two exorcists younger than him, which surprised them.

"Kanda…" Allen replied.

"Che, lets quickly go for the mission and get this over with ASAP. I don't want to spend more unnecessary time especially with you, _Moyashi_."

"Kanda!" Lenalee tried to reprimand Kanda about his attitude, but was stopped by Allen.

"It's okay, Lenalee."

"But…"

"Don't worry; I'm already used to that." Allen smiled while reassuring Lenelee that everything will be all right. At least, he hoped so.

"Okay, let's go."

To Be Continued…

_so so so? what do you think of this chp? do RnR plz._

_as usual, any comments, construtive criticisms, questions or shout outs are welcomed except for flaming _

_i will swear that i will stay to my promise and update at least 2 more chps by this wk. so have abit of patience with me even if u cant wait kk? ur patience and understanding will be greatly appreciated. =D_

_ok next time then jya ne!_

_sincerely, twentysixaugust_

_Ps. for the reviews, try giving me a smile face =] if u enjoy the story or a sad face =[ if u don't like it kk? twentysixaugust will definitely love ur support =DDDD_


	3. Reminiscing & Hallucinations

_yo guys! its twentysixaugust again! here is chp 3 as promised! no worries! chp 4 will be out soon!_

_hope u guys enjoy the story so far and really thx 2 all the people out there who are supporting me! thank you very much! august-chan loves you all! (btw u guys can call me august-chan from now on instead of twentysixaugust coz i find it pretty long)_

_ok, not to forget, b4 u read the story, refer back to the 1st 2 chps for warnings and disclaimer._

_however, an extra warning here i have: angst and sad story which i will rate about 8-9. me myself almost cried when i wrote this chp and chp 4 (yes chp 4 as well)_

_ok so now that __**you have been warned**__, enjoy!_

**Chapter 3 – ****Kanda's Regrets 2 : Reminiscing & Hallucinations**

"_Che, lets quickly go for the mission and get this over with ASAP. I don't want to spend more unnecessary time especially with you, Moyashi."_

"_Kanda!" Lenalee tried to reprimand Kanda about his attitude, but was stopped by Allen._

"_It's okay, Lenalee."_

"_But…"_

"_Don't worry; I'm already used to that." Allen smiled while reassuring Lenelee that everything will be all right. At least, he hoped so._

"_Okay, let's go."_

"So, what's the mission?" asked Kanda, eyes closing while lying back on the comfortable chair in the moving train.

"Well," Allen answered, but was cut off by Kanda.

"Shut up, _Moyashi_. I never said I'm asking you."

"Kanda! That's enough!" Lenalee scolded Kanda angrily. She couldn't take it anymore. "Why can't you see that Allen-kun is suffering here as well? Two years! These two years wasn't easy for Allen-kun too! He is, no, everyone is just as sad and angry about what happened two years ago! Stop acting as if you are the ONLY one suffering!"

"Hmph," was Kanda's reply as he turned his head to the side refusing to see eye to eye with Lenalee.

"How could you!" exclaimed Lenalee as she was interrupted by Kanda.

"So are you going to tell me about the mission or just keep lecturing me about my attitude towards that _Moyashi_?" Kanda replied in a very calm manner.

"Forget it! You can forget about the mission! If you really want to know, then asked Allen! In whatever way you want!" Lenalee shouted, ignoring the fact she could be heard by the other passengers in the train, and left the cabin hastily.

Silence followed after that, which was later broken by Allen while he read loudly the contents of the file he was given by Komui, with all the information regarding the mission they are taking so that Kanda can hear him clearly. After reading finished everything, Allen saw Kanda closing his eyes, crossed-armed and resting on the comfortable chair. He then left the cabin as well to find Lenalee, which he did soon enough. He was though surprised a little to see Lenalee crying.

"Lenalee, let's return to the cabin. I've already explained the mission to Kanda so there is no more problems now." Allen said while putting a hand on one of Lenalee's shoulder.

"I knew," replied Lenalee, while continuing crying. "I should have known very well, no matter how sad we are… how frustrated we are… our pain and misery can never be compared to what Kanda's going through. I knew this very well, but yet I… I couldn't stand it. He could have talked to us, depended on us because we are his _nakama_ but yet…"

Allen's grip more tightly a little on Lenalee's shoulder so that it would not hurt the Chinese exorcist. "Don't worry Lenalee. What Kanda needs is more time, just like we do. Everything will be all right. We must live strong, for Lavi's sake. Kanda understands this more than anyone of us. So it's going to be all right. Come on Lenalee, let's go back, shall we?"

Lenalee nodded, wiped away her tears and walked back to the cabin with Allen.

Meanwhile, Kanda was reminiscing the time he shared with Lavi when they were on the way to a mission, the mission that ended with Lavi's death. With only two of them, in the cabin, one day before Lavi's fall…

_****Flashback****_

Kanda brought Lavi into an embrace.

"No wait a min-… Yuu!" the red-haired exorcist exclaimed and blushed furiously while the Japanese swordsman began kissing and nibbling his neck.

"What's wrong? Being sensitive aren't you?" Kanda replied with a smirk on his face.

"S-Stop it. N-Not here. What if someone comes in? J-Just try to have a bit of self control will you?"

"Not possible," Kanda answered and kissed Lavi on his lips deeply, using his tongue to explore every part of his mouth, making Lavi moaned. "Not when there are only two of us here… It's turning me on."

Soon after, Lavi was able to shove Kanda away and escape from his embrace. "Only if you say 'I love you' then you can do whatever you want with me today."

"Oh come on Lavi, you of all people should know I'm not the type to say such mushy words."

"Then too bad." Lavi exclaimed, showing his tongue. "I love you, Yuu. But I want you to be able to tell me too."

"Lavi…"

"Come on Yuu, try saying it. For my sake?" After saying that, Lavi put on a sincere smile on his face, which looked angelic and pretty to Kanda. (Even though Lavi is a guy) Damn, that was the face he couldn't refuse…

Kanda blushed, but was able to bring out words from his mouth. "Lavi," Kanda took in a very deep breathe. "I… I… I… I Lov…"

To Kanda's relief, Allen came in to join them, interrupting them. To Kanda, the timing was perfect while to Lavi the timing was so wrong, and he pouted.

_****End of Flashback****_

"In the end, I never had the chance to say… not anymore…" Kanda muttered to himself as one of his hands tightened his grip on his upper arm, while he used the other to cover his eyes, preventing any tears from falling down…

"I'm sorry, Lavi… I'm sorry…"

"Don't worry about it Yuu," came a voice which led the Asian exorcist to look up. His eyes widened in shock as he saw Lavi sitting opposite him, showing him a big genuine smile. "There's always a next time."

Kanda gaped at the sight he was seeing, and tried to reach out for the redhead with his right hand. "Lavi…"

However, his hand stopped when he realized no one was in front of him, and then he remembered those were the words Lavi said to him when they alighted from the train while on the way to their last mission that ended with regrets and misery to all…

Kanda chuckled to himself, thinking he must have gone insane. He began to cry, unaware of the presence of his 2 fellow comrades standing outside the cabin, who decided not to disturb him and to leave him alone, as they concluded that's what the Asian exorcist needed at that moment.

To Be Continued…

_omg, i could feel myself wanting to cry when i wrote this man. hope its not too sad for u..._

_so anyway, remember to RnR kk? u can start commenting the story esp if u find it really too sad for most of the people to handle_

_same as last few chps, juz review with a smile =) if u like the story or a sad face =( if u don't like it. _

_august-chan shall wait for all of ur reviews while u guys shall wait 4 the next chp, together kk? =]_

_then next time, jya ne!_

_from august-chan =]]]_


	4. Chasing after a Red Light

_yo people! its august-chan again! and here's the chp 4 i promised you!_

_as usual, b4 you read, please read the following:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10 (for this chp will b about 7-8; no worries its not as sad as chp 3 though its still very sad)_

_ok, enjoy~~~_

**Chapter 4 – Kanda's ****Regrets 3 : Chasing after a Red Light**

_Kanda gaped at the sight he was seeing, and tried to reach out for the redhead with his right hand. "Lavi…"_

_However, his hand stopped when he realized no one was in front of him, and then he remembered those were the words Lavi said to him when they alighted from the train while on the way to their last mission that ended with regrets and misery to all…_

_Kanda chuckled to himself, thinking he must have gone insane. He began to cry, unaware of the presence of his two fellow comrades standing outside the cabin, who decided not to disturb him and to leave him alone, as they concluded that's what the Asian exorcist needed at that moment._

Allen began to cry as well after hearing the sorrowful cries coming from inside of the cabin. Lenalee tried to comfort him.

"Come to think of it," Lenalee began talking. "You fell in love with Lavi too didn't you Allen-kun?"

"Yes," replied Allen, forcing a smile. "Both Kanda and I realised we had fallen in love with the same person at some point of time. However I noticed the eyes of Lavi that sees Kanda in a light very much different from the way he sees me as I have kept watching him. That's when I understood that no matter how much I try, how much I love him, the one Lavi loved is Kanda and those feelings will not be changed, regardless of what I did for him. Lavi also noticed this as well, so he tried to get me and Kanda to get along still as he doesn't want either of us to get hurt or hate each other because of him." Allen continued, this time bringing up a genuine but sad smile. "Lavi is always sensitive about my feelings, thus he always do whatever he can to make me smile and laugh when he is in front of me. There are a few moments when he acts really stupid…" Allen said while he began to chuckle to himself, realising how much he missed the Bookman successor.

"But yet, why does this have to happen… Why…" Allen questioned while he started crying again. Lenalee put one of her hands on her _nakama_'s shoulder, trying to comfort him just like what he did for her a few minutes ago when she was the one crying.

"Excuse me, sorry to disturb but we have arrived at our destination." One of the finders accompanying the trio came to announce. Allen quickly wiped away his tears.

"Thanks, we will be there soon." Lenalee replied with a bright smile. "Come on Allen-kun. Let's get Kanda and start the mission."

Allen nodded in response, and then made his way into the cabin with his Chinese female _nakama_.

* * *

"So, our mission is to investigate the unnaturally fast-changing of the four seasons in the city of Tromsø of Norway. Usually seasons changed in every three months, but however Tromsø is experiencing a change in seasons for every twenty-one days, sometimes even at an irregular and faster rate." Lenalee confirmed with one of the two finders accompanying them.

"Yes, the people are getting troubled over such changes. People are falling sick quickly due to their inability to adapt fast to the fast changing environment and the terrible weather conditions are making the people hard to travel out of the city and tourists are unable to travel into the city as well," Thomas, one of the finders explained.

"And the Order believes that an Innocence is causing such phenomenon, thus having us to investigate." George, the other finder added. "One of our people has already started his investigation three days ago, so we will have to meet up with him first. Chief Komui, on the other hand, is worried about something else."

"Oh? And what will that be that _Nii-san_ is worried about?" Lenalee asked after hearing the finders mentioning her brother's name.

"It seems there will be a cultural musical festival tonight, where a lot of the people will be gathering in the streets…"

At the mention of 'festival' and 'people gathering', the three exorcists immediately knew what it means. The chances of _Akumas_ appearing during a festival full of people are usually high. Therefore they understood immediately that tonight their first mission is to stay guard during the festival.

"Well, at least we got to relax a bit tonight during this mission. Don't you think that's wonderful? Allen-kun?"

"Eh? Oh yeah… It might not be a bad idea…"Allen replied Lenalee with a small smile on his face, while Kanda just 'hmph' signaling that it didn't matter to him at all.

_****Hours later, the festival starts****_

"Wow, that was wonderful wasn't it, Allen-kun?" Lenalee asked her cursed _nakama_ as they listened to a band playing a song while a group of dancers dancing to the music.

Allen smiled and nodded in response, and soon Lenalee was pulling him and Kanda to walk around to enjoy the festival, as if she had forgotten the main reason they are here.

"I heard that the seafood in Norway is delicious!" Lenalee exclaimed. "Here, try some of these! They're really good!" Lenalee passed the seafood sandwiches she just bought to the two male exorcists. Allen laughed softly and thanked her as he accepted the food. He was hungry after all. Kanda, on the other hand, tried ignoring Lenalee but was forced by Lenalee to accept it, which he did after much persuasion. And even though he accepted the food, he made no effort to try eating it.

Two hours later, the festival ended with some fireworks, which was commented as beautiful by Lenalee and Allen. Kanda, however, was getting impatient and annoyed about the whole enjoying the festival stuff and tried to get away from his two _nakama_ while they are distracted by the fireworks. But, he found himself getting more annoyed as someone accidentally bumped into him and fell backwards on his arse.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! You okay pal?" asked the stranger sincerely towards Kanda while standing up. However Kanda replied with his usual 'Che', and sent a cold glare towards the person who had just bumped into him. The stranger, being a Mr. Nice-Guy, decided to ignore it. At least it means he is PERFECTLY all right.

The stranger decided to ask the anti-social Japanese swordsman some questions despite his rude attitude. He is currently in a pretty bad situation and thought this tourist (which he thought Kanda was) might be able to help him. Asking any locals will get him into trouble.

"Sorry but I'm looking for a friend right now. Think you can help me with it?" asked the stranger politely but Kanda still give cold glare trying to tell the stranger that he is in an annoyed mood. Apparently, his attempts were ignored.

Kanda then took a close look at the stranger. This unknown man had a long, dark brown-haired man, who looked like he is in his mid-twenties and had a pretty well-built body. It seems that Kanda was a little impressed that this man had not yet faltered to his cold glare. Usually anyone would be scared away.

"Eh let's see… about the same height as you and has a red-" the stranger paused immediately after noticing the crest on Kanda's long coat. He pointed to the crest with a shocking face and began exclaiming. "You! That crest is-"

The conversation was cut off by a loud explosion besides a nearby fountain and people screaming when they saw what were there.

"Kanda!" the said person heard Lenalee shouted. "_Akumas_!"

With his high speed and fast reflexes, Kanda immediately activates Mugen, ran towards the fountain while slashing all the Level One _Akumas_ that were getting in his way. The brown-haired stranger tried to chase after him. But Kanda was too fast for him. Recalling what he was doing at that moment, he quickly ran in the opposite direction.

When Kanda reached the fountain, he saw Allen and Lenalee were facing four Level Two _Akumas_.

"Exorcists!" one of the _Akumas_ cried out loudly.

"T-Three of them!" another cried out not with fear, but with excitement.

"If we killed them all…" cried the third one.

"Millennium Earl-Sama will be so pleased!" cried the last one, but was quickly cut into half by Kanda with his Mugen immediately when the _Akuma _finished his sentence. The slashed _Akuma_ then exploded.

The other three _Akumas_ left was taken aback, especially by Kanda when he sent a murderous glare towards them after killing one of them. Fearing for its life, one of the _Akuma_ that was covered in indigo skin opened its huge mouth and began screaming.

"Screech!"

And it seemed like the _Akuma_'s screech is harmful to human's hearing thus affecting Allen, Lenalee and Kanda's ability to move and attack. The screech was too loud and damaging that the sound vibrations from the _Akuma_ caused glasses and windows of all buildings in the area to break apart to pieces. To humans, they felt that their ears were going to burst.

However, to Kanda, the damaging screech is something that he can withstand due to his ability to heal quickly. Or more likely, he didn't care if he was going to lose his hearing or to become paralyze for the rest of his life.

Mustering as much strength as he could, he forced himself to get up with both hands on the handle of Mugen, not making any effort to cover and protect his ears.

"Mugen: First Illusions, Hell Insects!" Kanda shouted as loudly as he could, and the flying demons that looked like insects were formed from his anti-_akuma_ weapon, aiming for the _Akuma_ causing the screeching. The insects literally went through the _Akuma_, causing it to scream in pain before it exploded.

"Two more!" shouted Kanda to Allen and Lenalee, who were recovering from the screech and standing up. Seeing how two of their own people getting destroyed by only one of the exorcists, the two _Akumas_ left concluded that they are no match for the exorcists and decided to run away. Kanda noticed this and immediately jumped on Allen as if he was a stepping stone and jumped up onto the roof of one of the houses beside them. Ignoring Lenalee's calling to stop chasing them; Kanda quickly sprinted towards one of the two remaining _Akuma_, which he managed to catch up with one on the roof of a three-storey house in front of a tall building that looked like a church.

When the Japanese exorcist caught up, he attempted to slash the _Akuma_ with his Mugen, but it seemed the _Akuma_, being lighter than he looked, managed to dodge the attack by jumping up and landed on the church's roof. Kanda clicked his tongue to show his annoyance. He then proceeded on to attack the _Akuma_ on the church's roof, but suddenly stopped his advance when he noticed something through the church's broken large window at the front of the building.

Kanda couldn't believe his eyes. In the church, there was a young man, lying unconsciously on the church floor, facing the left side of the church thus revealing the right side of his face. He had red hair which was pretty long that the top part of the face was covered, but Kanda could see clearly that the man was wearing an eye patch on his right eye. The young man had a long orange scarf around his neck. Seeing such sight, Kanda could only come up with a simple conclusion.

"L-Lavi?" Kanda whispered the name to himself and attempted to jump into the church to see the body more closely, but was stopped by the huge arm of the _Akuma_ that slammed onto Kanda's body and sent him blown off by the force of the attack, landing and crashing onto the roof of another tall building situated three houses away from the church. Kanda dropped his Mugen when he landed hard on the roof and began coughing out blood.

"NOW DIE! EXORCIST!" the _Akuma_ screamed out loudly while aiming its huge claws at Kanda to stab him to death. However, it was soon stopped by Lenalee, whose Dark Boots went straight through the huge arms of the ugly monster and caused them to be separated from the body. The _Akuma_ screamed in pain as blood spurted out from its amputated arms. Soon after, Allen destroyed it with his anti-_akuma_ left arm.

Lenalee immediately went to Kanda. "Kanda! Are you all right?" asked Lenalee in a very worried tone. Kanda immediately coughed out more blood and panted heavily.

"Che," Kanda retorted while wiping the blood with his long sleeve at the corner of his mouth. He then recalled what he saw in the church and shoved his _nakama_ away, ignoring their concerns about his health and body condition. He then mustered all the energy he could and jumped from one rooftop to another and eventually landed in front of the church's entrance. He then hastily entered the church.

However, to his disappointment, different from what he saw a few moments ago, there was no one in the church. He then walked down the aisle on the ground and looked out for anyone hiding among the long benches and under the desk situated directly in front of the huge cross meant for the priest of the church. When Kanda was done searching the church, he laid down on one of the benches and panted heavily.

'Shit,' Kanda thought as he could feel his energy was being drained at a fast rate, though his wounds are beginning to heal. Soon, his eyes were closed and his conscious surrendered to the darkness.

To Be Continued…

_and there goes chapter 4! had started a bit of chp 5 and 6 already, but will still take some time to update. but those who cant wait i can promise i will try to upload by next wk. (its still considered a fast update already if u asked me)_

_as usual, do continue to RnR as its was such a good motivation to continue the story at a faster rate! really glad you all love this! _

_august loves you all =DDDD_

_ok, look forward to the next chp then!_

_until next time jya ne!_

_august-chan =]]]_


	5. the Son of the Devil

_hey people! august-chan here! hope you guys are still enjoying the story here coz im really enjoying writing it! esp after some of u been giving me great comments and reviews! thank you sooooo much 4 ur support! august-chan love u guys soooo much!_

_ok, here's chp 5. chp 6 will be coming soon so please be a little patient here with me k? =]_

_as usual, b4 u read the story, please read the following:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM. _

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

**Chapter 5 – Mission Starts 1 : the Son of the Devil**

_However, to his disappointment, different from what he saw a few moments ago, there was no one in the church. He then walked down the aisle on the ground and looked out for anyone hiding among the long benches and under the desk situated directly in front of the huge cross meant for the priest of the church. When Kanda was done searching the church, he laid down on one of the benches and panted heavily. _

'_Shit,' Kanda thought as he could feel his energy was being drained at a fast rate, though his wounds are beginning to heal. Soon, his eyes were closed and his conscious surrendered to the darkness. _

"Kanda?"

Great, now he's hearing a familiar voice under a light of a familiar color and brightness.

"Kanda? Are you awake?"

Kanda soon recognized the voices and his location.

"Che," he replied in his usual anti-social tone. "None of your business _Moyashi_."

"It's all right Lenalee, Kanda's doing just fine." Allen reported to Lenalee.

"Hey, Kanda," Lenalee called to Kanda. "Think you could get up? The last finder that's with us is here and I thought we could hear his report together."

Kanda nodded his head silently and managed to sit up on the bed with Lenalee's help. Kanda then looked out through the window and saw the beams of the morning sunlight shining through the window and realized that he had slept throughout the night after he lost his conscious in the church.

Lenalee then sat down on a chair provided in the room of the Inn they are staying in and signaled to Zack, the last of the three finders, to start on his report of his investigation regarding the phenomenon this city was facing.

"During these three days in this city of Tromsø, I started the investigation by asking the locals around not only from this city, but from the neighboring cities of Norway as well. During the investigation, I found out that this phenomenon happened one year and eight months ago, where the city realized that winter suddenly came falling down last year in the middle of the autumn season. At first no one really noticed anything strange about such phenomenon as they thought that seasons are just changing a little faster due to global warming.

"However, things became worse as seasons are changing at a rapid and irregular rate where no one is able to predict anymore when the next season will come." Zack the finder continued. "And of course, without any knowledge on the existence of Innocence, the city decided to start their own investigation. However, unable to come out with a scientific explanation for this phenomenon, they began to suspect that there are supernatural reasons behind this. The religious groups then began to conclude that someone with the devil's power has come down to their city and cursed them."

"Devil's power?" Allen asked in a skeptical tone. "I didn't expect such an urban city to believe in such things."

"Unfortunately, they do, Walker-san," replied Zack.

"So, did they find the 'devil' then?" Lenalee asked, and was starting to feel worried.

"Yes," Zack answered immediately. "It seemed that there was news that a foreign young man was found by a group of mountaineers from a certain village from this city in a cave of a mountain they were climbing which is located in the island west of the city. Seeing that the young man had no place to return to, one of the mountaineers volunteered to take care of him until his ability to go his home on his own returns.

"That young man was found one month before the phenomenon started. So the people of this city immediately put him responsible for causing the supernatural phenomenon. They called him the 'son of the devil' and chased him out of the city."

"Oh my!" Lenalee gaped while covered her opened mouth. "That's terrible!"

"What happened to this young man, Zack-san?" Allen asked, fearing for the worst.

"If what you are worried about is the safety of the young man, then have no worries," Zack replied in a reassuring way. "Apparently the mountaineer that took him in has decided to continue looking after him. He brought the young man with him to live in the island somewhere near the mountain where he found him."

"Oh that's great," Lenalee said as she sighed in relief.

"That is all from my report." Zack concluded with a closure of his notebook he was reading the information from.

"_Arigatou, o-tsukare-sama deshita_, Zack-san" Lenalee thanked Zack with a sincere smile.

"Hmm, and thanks to Zack-san, we seem to understand our next step don't you guys think so?" Allen asked the rest of the group in the room.

Lenalee nodded. "It seems we will have to meet this 'devil's son' if we were to find out more about this phenomenon. Although it might not lead to all the answers we seek, it's the only clue we have left."

All the finders nodded in agreement.

"So, where is the young man living in right now," came a voice that surprised the rest of the group. "Hope you got that information and also on how he looks like."

"A-Actually, the only clue I have is that we will have to look around the forest located at the bottom of the mountain, which is on an island west from here. As for how he looks like… I'm afraid I have no clue…" Zack muttered at the end of his speech.

Kanda grunted in response as the finder answered his questions. "What is so difficult about getting at least the basic features of the young man in question?"

"Well, apparently despite being able to chase him out of the city, the people are still afraid of him that they refuse to mention about him too much.

"However," added Zack. "I did get myself a photo of the mountaineer that is the young man's temporary guardian." Zack took out a photo from his pocket and showed it to the exorcists.

When being shown the photo, Kanda's eyes widened in surprise and snatched the photo away from Allen's hand to take a closer look.

"Great," Kanda commented in annoyance. He gave back the photo.

"What's wrong, Kanda?" Allen asked. "Someone you know?"

"Hell no _Moyashi_," Kanda answered in an obviously annoyed tone. "Apparently an idiot who bumped into me during a festival, claiming that he was looking for his friend. I ignored and ran away from him when the _Akumas_ start attacking."

"Then I assumed you are coming with us, since you are able to recognize him by sight?" Allen asked Kanda.

"Che, whatever," replied Kanda. He just wanted to get this mission over with ASAP, before he got himself irritated further for one too many reasons.

To Be Continued…

_ok! end of chp 5! as usual please rate and review coz so far i really love them all! =DDD_

_sorry if u find this chapter too short and too rush... (which i really was rushing this chapter)_

_HOWEVER! BUT! this is a hint and something for those who have been waiting for a certain someone to appear... the next chapter will be ur favourite! _

_so look forward to it man!_

_ok till next time! see ya jya ne~~~_

_august-chan =]]]_


	6. the Surprise of the Living Redhead

_yo people! august here! finally with the 6th chapter of memories aren't everything!_

_once again, thanks for all your support u have for this story and it made my day~~_

_as usual, read the following b4 reading :-_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's 'Death', Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

ok~~ Enjoy~~~

**Chapter 6 – Mission Starts 2 : the Surprise of the Living Redhead**

"_What's wrong, Kanda?" Allen asked. "Someone you know?"_

"_Hell no Moyashi," Kanda answered in an obviously annoyed tone. "Apparently an idiot who bumped into me during a festival, claiming that he was looking for his friend. I ignored and ran away from him when the Akumas start attacking."_

"_Then I assumed you are coming with us, since you are able to recognize him by sight?" Allen asked Kanda._

"_Che, whatever," replied Kanda. He just wanted to get this mission over with ASAP, before he got himself irritated further for one too many reasons._

The group made their way to the forest in the island after getting a few clues thanks to Zack the finder.

Zack was in the lead, followed by Kanda and Allen and Lenalee walking together. The other two finders are asked to stay behind in the city in case they are able to find more clues and the Order might suddenly need to contact them. The signal in the forest was pretty bad.

"Tch, you had better been walking in the right way, because the last thing we need is to get lost in some stupid forest," Kanda growled after seeing that they had walked in the forest finding nothing for two hours.

"Hmm that's strange," the finder commented. "According to the map we should be getting close to a cottage where the two are living in…" The finder looked at the map closer and scratched the back of his head at the same time.

"Mind if I take a look at the map instead? Zack-san?" Allen asked politely to the finder.

Zack passed the map to Allen, who also agreed that the cottage should have been just right in front of them, according to the map.

"Are you fucking kidding me _Moyashi_?" Kanda was obviously irritated. "In case you didn't notice, there is NO cottage right in front of, behind or beside us! Care to give a good explanation before I slash you in half?"

Kanda was ready to unsheathe Mugen while Allen was in a defense position when an unknown voice suddenly came from behind them.

"That's because our cottage was burnt down by lightning, so there are no more cottage in front of you guys."

The whole gang quickly spun around to see a man who looked like he is in his mid-twenties, which Kanda quickly recognized him as the idiot who bumped into him the day before.

And it seemed that the stranger also recognized Kanda as well. Lenalee noticed that his attitude changed a little when he saw the crest Allen and Kanda bore on their Exorcist coat.

"Howdy! Didn't expect to see you again, pal!" the stranger exclaimed cheerfully while making his way towards Kanda and patted on his back lightly. "Thought you will be gone and never see you again when I saw that explosion."

Kanda, disliking the way his back was being patted without due care, shoved and pushed the stranger away roughly expressing his irritated mood.

"Oh and this time you brought your friends with you!" the stranger said, again in a cheerful tone.

"Oh, since fate allows us to meet again, let me introduce myself. The name's Lucas. And you are?" asked Lucas as he brought out his hand pointing towards Kanda. However, Kanda replied with a sound of "hmph" with his voice, which prompted the Chinese girl to shake Lucas' hand instead and do the introduction on everyone's behalf.

"I'm Lenalee and these are my companions Allen-kun, Kanda and Zack-san. We are from the organization called the Black Order and we will like to speak with you, Mister Lucas. In fact we had travelled into this forest today hoping that we will be able to see you." Lenalee explained to the Norwegian.

"Oh my," replied Lucas, who doesn't really sound surprise from Allen's point of view. "Then let me lead you guys the way to my temporary camp site. I'm sure you guys are tired from all the walking around in this forest. I do have some food and coffee as well."

"Oh that will be great. Thank you Mister Lucas," Allen said as he, Lenalee and Zack bowed down to the Norwegian showing his gratitude.

"Right this way then. Try to stay close if you don't want to get lost!"

* * *

While on the way to Lucas' camp site, Lenalee began to ask a few questions to the happy-go-lucky Norwegian.

"Eh, Lucas-san, when you said temporary camp site, do you mean?" Lenalee asked as politely as she could.

"Oh, like I said, our cottage was struck down my lightning, five days ago I think," Lucas replied. "Hence my companion and I are currently putting up a temporary camp site to stay while we build a new cottage."

"Oh that sounds terrible." Allen commented.

"Nah it's okay. At least no one was hurt, which I was really glad. Don't think I could forgive myself if anything happens to Rufus."

"Rufus? Is that the name of the rumored 'Son of the Devil' we heard in the city?" asked Lenalee to the Norwegian.

"Wait a minute, how do you guys know about the 'devil's son'?" Lucas asked while he stopped walking and turned around to look at the group suspiciously. "Don't tell me you are all here to hurt Rufus aren't you?"

"No of course not," Lenalee replied quickly as calm as possible. "In fact, we are here to help Mister Rufus if possible!"

"Help?" Lucas asked, still suspicious of the group standing in front of him. "How?"

"We may know the cause of the strange phenomenon that the city is experiencing right now," Allen explained. "But to confirm our doubts and theories, we may need the help of Mister Rufus, hopefully to stop the phenomenon and clear his name."

"The cause? You lot really know the cause of the fast changing seasons?"

Everyone except Kanda nodded in response.

"But how?"

Lenalee and Allen began to explain about the substance called Innocence, and how the Black Order has been searching for them for the past few centuries after the war between the Exorcists and the Noah Clan began. They also explained about the _Akumas_.

"So, the monsters attacking the city during the festival yesterday, those were _Akumas_?" Lucas asked after partially understanding what the exorcists are trying to say.

"The appearance of the _Akumas _had also increased our confidence that an Innocence is causing the phenomenon because like us, they are also aiming for the Innocence except that they aim to destroy it," the white-haired exorcist explained.

"This is why we may need Mister Rufus' help."

"But how?" the Norwegian asked again worriedly.

"First, we would like to talk to Mister Rufus, if Mister Lucas doesn't mind that is."

"I have no objections if you would like to talk to Rufus, but let me warned you first that he may not provide the much help you needed."

Lenalee and Allen looked at Lucas with faces expressing their confusion.

"You'll see when you meet him," answered the Norwegian as he finally continued walking, with the gang following him closely behind.

After about thirty minutes, they finally reached the camp site. The sun was beginning to set down.

"Rufus!" Lucas began shouting his companion's name. "Come on out Rufus! We have guests!"

However, silence followed.

"Rufus?" Lucas said the name again before running into the tent that was built up nicely to check for his companion's presence.

"Holy shit!" Lucas exclaimed loudly. He was obviously panicking. "Rufus' not here!"

"What?" shouted the exorcists and Zack the finder before Kanda grabbed Lucas by his tank top.

"What is the meaning of this? You had better not be hiding him from us!"

"I swear! I'm just as worried as you are! No, it couldn't be…"

"Whatever idea you have in mind better say out now!" Kanda shouted at the Norwegian.

"Remember yesterday when I said I was looking for a friend when I bumped into you?"

"And?" Kanda answered in an irritated tone.

"What happened was he actually slipped into the city without telling me, even though he was forbidden by the people to go into the city."

"So you are guessing that he had escaped into the city, again?" Again, in the irritated tone.

"Well, that's-"

The Norwegian mountaineer paused as he noticed something on the ground.

"Wait! Look!" he exclaimed, looking at the ground filled with sand. "Those footsteps, I recognized them, they belonged to Lucas. They are actually pointing towards the forest. So there's a chance he is in the forest instead."

"Che, say so earlier you bastard," Kanda retorted, releasing his grip on the Norwegian.

"Then I think we shall search for him separately in the forest," Allen suggested.

"Lenalee, can you stay here in case Mister Rufus comes back?"

"Yes, Allen-kun."

"Zack-san, can you make your way back to the city in case he really sneaked into the city? Meet up with Thomas-san and George-san as well for help."

"Of course, Walker-san." Zack replied as he quickly made his way back into the city.

"Kanda, Lucas-san and I shall go find Mister Rufus separately, is that okay?"

"Okay," Lucas replied and ran into the forest.

"What about you Kanda? Which way will you be going?"

"Shut up and don't start ordering me around, _Moyashi_," Kanda replied again with the irritated tone and walked quickly into the forest. Allen soon entered the forest as well, taking a different direction as Kanda and Lucas.

He couldn't believe this, Kanda thought as he walked aimlessly around the forest for what it seemed to feel like hours. Why he was suddenly stuck in a lost-and-found job when the one he should be looking for is the Innocence, not a person who they had no solid proof that the person in question had any relation to the Innocence possibly involved. He could not see the point of all these. And worse of all, why must he do this as if he was ordered by that bastard _moyashi_ to do so. That was the one thing he couldn't stand as he unsheathed his Mugen and chopped off one of the trees in front of him in one strike. He then continued strike down more trees to vent all the frustrations he accumulated ever since he was told he was going for a mission together with the person he couldn't stand the most.

He hated him, he had always hated that _moyashi_ with a passion, ever since the first time they met at the central headquarters. Allen has no idea how much Kanda hated him since that day, which worsened when they both realized they had fallen in love with the same person, and then worsened to the point where all hatred broke loose on the day Lavi fell down the cliff. Ever since that day, neither of them made any effort to talk to each other which does not involve missions and even though Allen showed a slight effort to talk to Kanda, Kanda made no response towards his attempts to mend their rivalry relationship, even sometimes responded with Mugen pointing towards Allen's throat spiting out insults and threats. Kanda couldn't find himself to forgive that cursed exorcist that easily ever since what happened to Lavi.

After cutting down the one hundredth and second tree, Kanda finally began panting and sat down at one of the chopped tree trunk. When he finally calmed down, he once again remembered the days when he spent his time with the Bookman Junior, and the day where he fell, right in front of his eyes. Remembering the pain and the misery, Kanda covered his face with his hands, and start crying softly.

'Chop!' the sound of chopping woods suddenly came from somewhere in the four o' clock direction of Kanda.

'Chop!' went the sound again. And soon the sound was repeated for five to six times before Kanda decided to find the source of the sound. He quickly wiped away his tears and made his way towards the direction which he thought the sound comes from.

'Chop!' the sound was getting louder, meaning he was getting nearer. 'Chop!' goes the sound again, this time louder than the previous one. 'Chop!' and finally Kanda realized that he had reached his destination.

'It seems that someone is chopping wood right there. Wait, could it be?' Thought Kanda as he made his way closer to the source, quickening his steps as he realized he was getting really close. Ultimately, he saw someone with his back facing him, chopping woods as he had expected. However, Kanda was about to get the greatest shock of his life.

The woodcutter Kanda was looking at had a red hair, which its length stopped at his shoulder. The string tied around his head proved that he had an eye patch on the right side on his face. The person was wearing a long orange scarf that was tied loosely around his neck, which he was using it to wipe away the sweat on his forehead while chopping the woods.

"One Hundred!" exclaimed the woodcutter as he chopped down his one hundredth wood. Kanda recognized the voice immediately. Kanda froze and widened his eyes in shock as he came up with the same conclusion he had at the sight of the man lying on the church the day before. He called out the name…

"L-Lavi?"

The woodcutter, who realized that someone else was behind him, turned around to face the person who called. Kanda couldn't believe his eyes as he dropped his Mugen onto the ground. The person in front of him, who he knew that he will never, ever mistaken for anyone else, was none other then Bookman Junior, Lavi.

…

In flesh.

…

And blood.

…

Alive.

Kanda's impulse snapped. Tears immediately was formed in both of his eyes and trickled down his cheeks, surprising the woodcutter that is standing in front of him. Soon, all the misery, pain, betrayal, anger and sadness broke loose in Kanda's heart as he leaped towards the redhead and hugged him tightly, as if signaling he would no longer let him go. The redhead gasped in surprise.

"Oh God… Lavi… I don't believe this… You're alive! ALIVE DAMNIT! Lavi… Lavi… Lavi!" Kanda screamed as he began sobbing loudly onto the redhead's shoulder, tightening his hold on the young man to the point it began to hurt the person he was hugging.

On the other hand, the redhead was beginning to panic after seeing Kanda hugging him tightly and sobbing loudly on his shoulder without warning, and soon realized that he was facing difficulties in breathing.

"Eh, I'm sorry… Mister… Think you could let go? Can't… breathe…" the red-colored hair young man managed to breathe out as he tried tugging away from the man with the long black hair tied to a ponytail.

Feeling the tugging and resistance, Kanda immediately pulled back and jerked the redhead backwards a little by holding on to him on his shoulders, hands gripping tightly on them. He realized something was very wrong. Why was Lavi resisting his touches? And most importantly, 'Mister'? Why was Lavi calling him that?

"I'm sorry… but…" the redhead managed to say out while panting after being released. Meanwhile, Kanda prayed hard that he would not hear the words that he did not want to hear, not right now, not when he finally met Lavi after suffering for two hellish years because of him.

But the answer revealed by the redhead caused his heart to fall into despair once more, just like two years ago on that fateful day.

"Who are you?"

To Be Continued…

_OH YES! LAVI! FINALLY HERE!_

_as usual, RnR! esp for this chapter! if not august-chan will haunt you 4 the rest of ur life!_

_but NO flaming! if nt i will come haunt you AND bite ur head off! make sure u will not die peacefully... and trap ur soul into a hellish cage... XD_

_ok! now that everything's ok, august-chan gotta go and prepare her next chapter! Chapter 7 and 8 Coming soon!_

_till next time, JYA NE~~~_

_August-chan =DDD_


	7. the Forgotten Past and the Replaced Love

_yo people! august-chan here! finally with the 7th chapter!_

_sorry for the late update... university life is tougher than expected... im kind of surprised that i even had the time doing this..._

_anyway, back to the main topic. as usual, read the following but please read esp for this chapter:-_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's 'Death', Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

_Extra warning for this chapter! : __**Lemon Alert!**_

_ok then, Enjoy~~~_

**Chapter 7 – Kanda's Sadness**** : the Forgotten Past and Replaced Love**

_Feeling the tugging and resistance, Kanda immediately pulled back and jerked the redhead backwards a little by holding on to him on his shoulders, hands gripping tightly on them. He realized something was very wrong. Why was Lavi resisting his touches and advances? And most importantly, 'Mister'? Why was Lavi calling him that? _

"_I'm sorry… but…" the redhead managed to say out while panting after being released. Meanwhile, Kanda prayed hard that he would not hear the words that he did not want to hear, not right now, not when he finally met Lavi after suffering for two hellish years because of him._

_But the answer revealed by the redhead caused his heart to fall into despair once more, just like two years ago on that fateful day._

"_Who are you?"_

Kanda's eyes widened again in total shock. He tightened his grip on the redhead's shoulders even further, to the point where the redhead began to groan loudly in pain.

"What the fuck do you mean by 'who are you'? Don't you recognize me, Lavi?" Kanda cried out as he panicked. "It's me! Kanda! Damn it! How could you have forgotten?" Kanda tightened his grip again and shook the redhead.

"Ouch!" the red-haired man screamed in pain. "Please… At least let me go first… It hurts… It really hurts… AH!" He screamed again while trying to get the Japanese exorcist to release his painfully hard grip on his shoulders.

"Lavi please! Don't do this to me! Not now!"

"Ah! Help me…Please help me… Lucas!"

Kanda immediately stopped shaking the redhead when he heard him called another man's name, calling for help. His mouth opened slightly and eyes full of shock and sadness stared into the face that looked exactly like his long lost lover.

"Rufus!" came another voice nearby them which Kanda recognized it as the voice of the Norwegian that he and his _nakama_ just befriended earlier that day. Lucas had heard the voice of his companion calling for help and quickly ran towards the source of the sound. It wasn't long that he reached his destination and appeared in Kanda and the redhead's sight.

"Lucas!" the redhead cried out happily, with a genuine smile on his face. Kanda noticed the sincere smile and loosen his grip, which the red-colored young man took the opportunity to shove the Asian man away and sprint towards the Norwegian and into his arms. Kanda watched the scene in shock and disgust. Lucas hugged back to calm him down.

"Shh… Don't worry Rufus, it's all right, everything is." Lucas said while stroking the back of the redhead in an attempt to calm him down.

"L-L-Lucas, I…" the man named Rufus cried out. He suddenly began to feel that his head is spinning, his vision is blurring and his legs are shaking and losing support. He held on to Lucas for support. "N-No… L-Lucas… A-A storm's… c-coming…" and with that, the redhead fainted, with Lucas managed to catch him.

Kanda grumbled angrily under his breathe seeing how the Norwegian is able to touch the redhead intimately. His possessive impulse was telling him to just strike down the bastard mountaineer for touching HIS Lavi and take back Lavi by force. However, he knew Lavi would not like this especially now where he couldn't recognize the raven black-haired swordsman. His heart almost skipped a beat when the Lavi-look-alike fainted.

Lucas put up his hand to Kanda to show him he had everything under control. "No worries, I just need to carry him back to the camp site. Eh think you could help us bring the chopped wood pieces Rufus had got for us back? I think we might need them tonight."

Kanda grumbled and start picking up the woods, while Lucas carried his companion up, with one hand supporting the back while the other was under the knees. Lucas waited the Asian exorcist to finish picking up all the wood pieces, and walked back to the camp site with Kanda behind him, who was sending a cold glare towards the Norwegian. Lucas could feel the murderous intent behind him, but chose to ignore it as the safety and well being of his red-haired companion was his first priority.

* * *

After walking for a time that felt like hours, Lucas suddenly paused, and turned back to look at the raven black haired man.

"Before we entered the camp site and meet your friends, I need you to tell me what you were doing towards Rufus that made him scared and panicked," the Norwegian mountaineer questioned Kanda.

"Che," Kanda replied, sending him an annoyed glare. "It's none of your business." Kanda walked towards Lucas who was carrying Rufus.

"It is if you are planning to hurt him," Lucas retorted, this time it was his turn to send a cold glare towards Kanda.

"Like hell I'm going to do that," Kanda paused for a few moments before speaking again.

"He is the only one I will never hurt in my whole life…" Kanda said as he touched the redhead's cheek and stroked it gently with his fingers. Lucas was slightly taken aback and was about to shove Kanda away but changed his mind when he saw Kanda's eyes filled with sadness and regrets when he looked at his red-haired companion. This was the first time he seen those eyes from the swordsman who he always thought him to be an aloof and cold man who doesn't give a damn to anyone around him. For him to show such eyes towards Rufus, it really showed how much the red-haired teenager mattered to him.

Lucas looked at Kanda with a slight surprise, but was pulled back into reality when he heard Rufus making a small moan in his sleep, calling his name.

"Lucas…" Kanda immediately lifted his hand slightly from Rufus' face at the mention of the Norwegian's name. Lucas could tell that the emotions in Kanda's eyes had changed from sadness and regrets to pain, misery and despair. Seconds later, Kanda quickly lowered his head till the bangs covered his eyes and walked towards the camp site at a faster pace than before. Lucas soon followed after Kanda, wondering what Kanda was thinking at the moment.

_****Flashback****_

Kanda had just returned from a mission, and was feeling exhausted. He was looking forward to his sleep but found himself getting annoyed when he saw the _baka usagi_ sleeping on his bed when he entered his room.

Feeling irritated, probably due to his tiredness, he made his way up towards his bed to wake the red-haired idiot up, but soon changed his mind when he saw the peaceful expression Lavi had when sleeping. Kanda had already seen Lavi sleeping a few times but this was the first time he felt he was looking really close at the sleeping face of the redhead. After quietly staring his lover for a few minutes, Kanda then placed his right hand on Lavi's left side of the face and stroked the cheek gently.

"Mmm… Yuu…" Lavi moaned softly, who then raised his hands up and held Kanda's hand and pulled it closer to his face. Kanda was slightly taken aback by such actions.

"Yuu…" Lavi cried Kanda's name out in his sleep again, and kissed Kanda's hand. It was then Kanda decided that there was a slight change in his plans of sleeping tonight. After removing his hands from Lavi's grip, Kanda went back to the door to close and lock it, and walked back towards Lavi. He then removed his shoes and untied his hair, and climbed onto the bed on top of Lavi. Again, he placed his hand on Lavi's cheek just like a few moments ago. He stroked the cheek with his fingers again, and soon his thumb began to trail Lavi's lower lip. Kanda then leaned down and placed his lips onto Lavi's. Lavi's lips was already slightly parted before the kiss so Kanda quickly took the opportunity to bring his tongue into Lavi's mouth and start exploring every part inside.

"Mmmm…" Lavi moaned while slowly opening his eyes, feeling the dance of another tongue inside his mouth. He soon realized what was going on and gasped in surprise. Kanda noticed this and moved his hand that was on Lavi's cheek to hold on to Lavi's hair at the back of the head and pulled his head closer to further deepen the kiss.

"Mmmmm… Yuu…" Lavi moaned louder this time. Kanda soon broke apart the kiss, a string of saliva formed between their mouths as Lavi began to pant heavily.

"Please try giving me a warning next time if you have the sudden urge to kiss me," Lavi managed to say while panting after the string of saliva broke.

"Sure, here we go again," Kanda kissed Lavi deeply again, and this time Lavi was kissing back. Kanda then start unbuttoning Lavi's shirt and tossed it onto the floor when removed. Kanda pulled apart once again, and start kissing Lavi's neck and collarbone while one of his hands stroked Lavi's bare chest.

"Ah… Yuu…" Kanda was now licking his ear while his hand was playing with his nipples. "W-W-Wait. You've just returned from a mission right? Aren't you tired?"

"Not anymore when I saw my dear rabbit missing me so much that he calls for me in his sleep. You were dreaming about me, weren't you?" Kanda smirked. "And let me guess, you were dreaming… about this?" Lavi gasped as Kanda grabbed with a little force onto the area in between his legs. Kanda smirked again as he kissed and sucked Lavi's nipples while unzipping his pants and removed them, along with Lavi's boxers. Lavi had one hand gripping on to the bed sheet while the other holding on to Kanda's hair when Kanda start kissing from his nipples downwards towards his hardened member. Kanda first kissed the tip, and Lavi gasped again as Kanda start playing with his member with his mouth and tongue. The redhead arched upwards and tightened the grip in both his hands as he felt the heated moments when Kanda licked, sucked and scrapped lightly, causing Lavi to moan loudly. It wasn't long when Lavi came in Kanda's mouth.

Kanda then lifted his body upwards pulling away from Lavi, smirking as he wiped away Lavi's cum that trickled from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Well does it feel good?" Kanda asked while removing his coat and shirt and tossed them onto the floor. Lavi nodded in response, face reddened to a color similar to his hair.

"Then how about I get some service from you as well?" Kanda asked while smiling evilly.

"What do you mea-" before Lavi could finish his sentence, Kanda had pulled him up and had him faced directly in front of the bulging area in his pants. Kanda had one hand held onto Lavi's head, while the other unbuckled his belt and unzipped and pulled down his pants revealing his hardening member.

"This is your punishment for annoying me with the sight of you sleeping on my bed when I just return from my mission feeling exhausted."

Lavi gulped at the sight, and hesitantly touched and held on to Kanda's member and put it into his mouth. He began to lick and suck, trying to follow how Kanda had done it on him. When minutes passed, Kanda felt that Lavi was taking too long to satisfy him, so he pulled Lavi's head closer, causing Lavi to gasp in surprise and accidentally scrapped the side of the hardened member in his mouth with his teeth. Kanda responded to such accidental action with a moan. This inspired Lavi to continue licking and scrapping lightly, and soon after Kanda came in Lavi's mouth, causing Lavi to choke and coughed, followed by panting.

Satisfied, Kanda cupped Lavi's face and wiped away his cum that was trickling down Lavi's corner of the mouth with a thumb while the redhead panted heavily and blushed furiously. Kanda brought him and Lavi again to their third hot kiss while pushing Lavi back down on the bed. They could taste each other within the kiss.

They broke apart, and Kanda lifted Lavi's leg up to rest on his shoulders. He then reached out his hand to the drawers at the side of the bed and took out the lube he kept. Lavi watched with his half-closed left eye as Kanda covered three fingers with the lube. The lube was then thrown to the floor, informing Lavi what was coming next.

With the first finger in, Lavi gasped in pain, tightening his grip of his two hands, this time both on the sheets of the bed. Kanda moved the finger in and out and began kissing Lavi's bare legs on his shoulders and used his free hand to touch and move his hand lightly along a trail in Lavi's inner thigh. Lavi then lighten his grip slightly and panted heavily.

This then signaled Kanda to put in his second finger, which Lavi give a soft moan this time as he felt two fingers moving inside him searching for his sweet spot. A loud gasp that came soon enough had told Kanda he found it. Kanda then put in the third finger, which caused Lavi to moan more loudly.

"Ah! Yuu! There… Ah!" Kanda began to busily move his fingers in and out of Lavi's entrance, hitting and rubbing the sweet spot whenever his finger went back into Lavi. Lavi buckled his hips with every contact between the fingers and his sweet spot. To support Lavi, Kanda wrapped Lavi's hips around with his free hand and pulled him closer, his head resting on Lavi's shoulder and kissing and sucking the neck, revealing red hickies formed. Lavi responded by moving his arms around Kanda's neck.

After some time, Kanda pulled out his three fingers and positioned the tip of his member at the entrance.

"Here goes," announced Kanda in a whisper on Lavi's ear as he thrust his member fully and aimlessly into Lavi, causing the redhead to scream loudly in pain and gripped tightly onto Kanda's back. Red liquid began forming from Lavi's nails at Kanda's back.

Lavi could feel Kanda moving his hardened member inside him. To stop Lavi from screaming and calming him from the pain, Kanda then kissed Lavi on the lips again.

"Lavi. Lavi," cried Kanda, his lips still on Lavi's. "Listen, I need you to relax. You're getting tighter."

"It's… your… fault…" Lavi managed to breathe out the words between his heavy pants. Tears began forming and trickled down Lavi's cheek. Kanda licked the tears away and once again started kissing Lavi's neck and collarbone.

"Lavi… Lavi… Lavi…" Kanda start whispering his lover's name at his ears seductively and blew hot breathes to calm his lover down. Lavi calmed down upon hearing his name and started to relax to allow Kanda to move more freely when inside him. Kanda managed to pull out a little, only to thrust back again causing Lavi to groan loudly. Kanda repeated the actions till he heard Lavi yelled out not in pain but in pleasure as he had hit the right spot again.

Lavi could feel that Kanda had began to thrust into him at a faster pace, hitting his sweet spot. Lavi arched his back with every thrust and filled the room with his erotic screams, which was soon replaced by Lavi's loud moan of his lover's name. Kanda also then started pumping Lavi's hardened member at an increasing speed.

"Yuu… Yuu… Yuu!"

Lavi soon came again, spurting his seeds on his stomach and in Kanda's hand.

"Yuu… I love you…"

Hearing those words from Lavi, Kanda gave a last thrust and soon came as well, filling the redhead with his hot semen.

It finally ended with both men panting heavily and Kanda collapsing onto Lavi's shoulder.

"Finally I can get some sleep," the Japanese exorcist exclaimed, turning his body to have his back lying on the bed.

"Then I guess I have to get up and return to my room," Lavi said while attempting to get up but was pulled back into a tight embrace by Kanda.

"You're staying here tonight," Kanda ordered. "And don't bother to argue with me because I don't think I have the energy to do that now."

"All right then," Lavi surrendered and soon both exorcists fell asleep, enjoying the warmth they received from each other.

_****End of flashback****_

Tears began to form in Kanda's eyes as he recalled that night. It wasn't noticed thanks to his long bangs that covered his eyes. He looked at his right hand, brought it onto his chest and clutched it tightly on where his heart is situated. He can feel the emotional pain and sadness inside whenever the scene of Lavi calling another man's name when he stroked his face in the same way he did in that particular night was played in his mind.

'Have I lost you completely already? Lavi?' thought Kanda as he realized Lavi had really forgotten all about him and their past moments together, his love for him replaced by the love from another while his was locked up somewhere deep in Lavi's heart, unable to break free.

To Be Continued…

_ok end of chapter 7! chapter 8 should be coming soon as im more free in the weekend that is coming!_

_as usual plz RnR. read the reviews of the previous chapters esp for chapter 6 and august-chan really loves and all and it made my day~~~~_

_ok till then next time, jya ne~_

_august-chan_

_P.S. no threats for not RnR this time XD the threats in the last chapter i was joking XD sorry if i scared u_

_BUT, the threats are serious for flaming! so ABSOLUTELY NO FLAMING!_


	8. Interrogating the Norwegian

_yo people! august-chan here with the 8th chapter of 'Memories aren't Everything'!_

_1st, THANK YOU! for all the support you have shown for this story! the responses are greater than I expected and that's why august-chan loves you all! =DDD_

_2nd, I'M SO SORRY! for the late update! have been really busy lately esp with school work and stuff which is why august-chan loves you all for being so patient and understanding! =DDD_

_3rd, REMEMBER! to read the following before starting the chapter! :-_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

_last, ENJOY! and here goes the chapter~~~_

**Chapter 8 – Mission Continues 1 : Interrogating the Norwegian**

_Tears began to form in Kanda's eyes as he recalled that night. It wasn't noticed thanks to his long bangs that covered his eyes. He looked at his right hand, brought it onto his chest and clutched it tightly on where his heart is situated. He can feel the emotional pain and sadness inside whenever the scene of Lavi calling another man's name when he stroked his face in the same way he did in that particular night was played in his mind._

'_Have I lost you completely already? Lavi?' thought Kanda as he realized Lavi had really forgotten all about him and their past moments together, his love for him replaced by the love from another while his was locked up somewhere deep in Lavi's heart, unable to break free._

Soon Kanda and Lucas who is carrying Rufus reached the camp site after the conversation they had a few minutes ago. They found Allen and Lenalee at the camp site, seeming to discuss something important. Lenalee soon noticed their return.

"So have you found him?" Lenalee asked when walking towards Kanda. However, Lenalee noticed the tears in Kanda's eyes and was about to ask what happened when she noticed the red-haired young man Lucas was carrying in his arms. Lenalee covered her widely opened mouth with her hands, eyes widened at the sight she almost couldn't believe in it. Allen noticed and looked in the direction Lenalee was looking. Allen immediately froze in place, eyes widening and jaw dropping in shock just like Lenalee.

"L-L-Lavi?" Allen moved towards Lucas to take a closer look at the redhead he was carrying. Lucas stayed still in his position, while Allen used a hand to brush away the red colored locks to take a better look at the face.

Allen widened his eyes even more, to make sure he was looking more clearly without any mistakes. Tears soon formed in his eyes just like Kanda when he realized the person was no doubt, their loud, cheerful, red-haired _nakama_, Lavi.

"L-Lavi," exclaimed the cursed exorcist weakly as he felt his legs losing support and fell backwards to sit on the ground, tears trickling down his cheeks as well. Lenalee also ran up towards the red-haired man to confirm her doubts, and started crying when she saw the face. Tears started dripping onto Lavi's face.

"Hey, erm, guys?" the Norwegian started speaking when he felt the depressing atmosphere surrounding him. "I know you guys are having mixed emotions about this but think you can save it for later? We need to leave this place soon…"

"And why is that? You Norwegian bastard?" Kanda asked without turning to look at the person his question was aiming at.

Lucas twitched at the rude comment but ignored it. He then realized it was getting dark and snow was beginning to fall from the sky, which surprised Allen and Kanda, bringing them back to reality.

"Snow?" Kanda looked at the sky in confusion while Allen caught one of the snow flakes on his hands.

"But how-"

"No time to explain guys, just quickly keep all the stuff here and follow me." Lucas said hurriedly.

"Lucas-san?" the three exorcists looked at the said person with puzzled look.

"A snowstorm is coming."

* * *

Allen threw another wood into the fire to make it bigger and hopefully, warmer. The group had followed Lucas into a cave in the nearest mountain to escape from the heavy snowstorm outside was having now. Lenalee placed her hands near to the fire to keep herself warm, Kanda just sat near the cave's entrance to watch the storm outside while Lucas was stroking the hair of his red-haired companion who was lying on his lap, still unconscious.

"Lucas-san," Allen gave in to the temptation to ask. "How can you tell there is a snowstorm coming when autumn just started for this country?"

The Norwegian froze, and hesitantly looked up to face Allen. The other two exorcists had also looked at the Norwegian. Lucas' hand had stopped stroking the redhead. Lucas then smiled towards Allen brightly and answered.

"It's what every skilled and experienced mountaineer is able to do. This is a necessary skill needed in order to survive climbing the mountains where the climate could change anytime."

Anyone could tell it was a lie.

And Kanda knew why the mountaineer lied.

"Tch, don't bullshit with me, you bastard mountaineer. Don't think I didn't hear Lavi's last words before he lost his consciousness. Lavi told you that a storm is coming isn't it? Lavi is the one that predicted that this storm is coming, not you." Kanda finished with a finger pointing at the storm outside the cave.

Lucas responded by sending Kanda an irritated glare. "His name, is Rufus. NOT Lavi. I'm sorry if he looked like a friend of yours but I'm sure it's a different person."

"I'm afraid I cannot agree with you Lucas-san," exclaimed Lenalee as she stared hard at the Norwegian with a pair of eyes mixed with angry and sadness, but with determination as well. "Lavi is our _nakama_, one of the closest we had. There is absolutely NO WAY we could have mistaken our precious _nakama_ for someone else."

Lucas tried changing the subject. "So what if Rufus was the one predicting the storm? It's none of your god damn business."

"I'm afraid it is," Allen answered this time, standing up and stared at Lucas. "Like a said before Lucas-san. This strange phenomenon could be caused by an Innocence. An Innocence is a weapon we used against _Akuma_, but only a few chosen ones called exorcists are able to synchronize with an Innocence to fight against the _Akuma_. Our friend, Lavi, who we believe is Rufus-san over here, was one of the exorcists."

"It still doesn't answer my question on how the Innocence is related to Rufus being able to predict the storm."

"This is where we need La-Rufus-san's help." Allen explained. "We need to talk to him first regarding a few things to clear some of the doubts we are having. Depending on his answer I think my _nakama_ and I already know the cause of this strange phenomenon the city is facing. If the truth is really as what we suspected, we may even need Rufus-san's help to stop this phenomenon as well."

"But how? I doubt Rufus knows anything about Innocence."

"This was the part you were trying to warn us about earlier today, isn't it?"

"Huh?"

"You said it yourself. You will have no objections to us talking to Rufus-san, but warned us that he might not be able to help us. You said this because you are aware that Rufus-san has no memory of his past, thus unable to give us the information we need, isn't that right? Lucas-san?"

Allen asked while staring at the Norwegian with eyes full of determination as well. Lucas then found himself unable to argue with the three exorcists in front of him so he decided to close his eyes and kept quiet. Kanda however noticed the eyes of the Norwegian mountaineer before they closed.

"Lucas-san," Lenalee began speaking. "Rufus, is indeed our friend, Lavi isn't it? I have noticed the first time you met us you were disturbed by the crest on Allen-kun and Kanda's exorcist coats right? Lavi was also wearing the exorcist uniform with the same crest when we lost him. You found him in that uniform, didn't you?"

Still, Lucas kept quiet and closed his eyes, continuing to stroke Rufus' hair.

"You're afraid, aren't you?" everyone was surprised by Kanda's sudden question that was aiming at Lucas. "Afraid that we will hurt him. Afraid that we can help him remember his past. Afraid that he will remember. Afraid that he will forget you when he remembered us. Afraid that he will abandon you, leave you," Kanda said those words as he stood up and walked towards the Norwegian. He finally squatted down in front of the couple, looked hard onto Lucas' face with his dark eyes and said, "Afraid that you will never be able to see him again."

Lucas gasped and opened his eyes, images of what Kanda had said running through his mind. He froze when he felt a touch of cold metal aiming for his throat.

"I'm afraid to say this but," Kanda exclaimed while holding his Mugen on Lucas' throat, using it to lift the face of the Norwegian. "Whatever Lavi decided to do after this is up to himself, not you, or us. Even if he decided to stay with you in the end none of us can stop him. This is Lavi's life, not yours or mine so none of us have to right to decide his next course of life for him, with memories or not.

"Whether to regain those memories lost or not is not up to you to decide as well. Same thing goes for us. If he's decided not to remember, then fine. But which choice to take is Lavi's right, not ours. So stop acting like a selfish bastard that stubbornly refused to let go of a toy that doesn't belong to you."

When he finished his speech, Kanda sheathed Mugen and walked back towards his original position and sat down. A few minutes of silence followed, which was broken by the Norwegian.

"Promise me, swear it to me, that Rufus will not be hurt," the Norwegian exclaimed, lowering his head. "This boy had gone through a lot on the city when he was called the 'son of the devil'. I don't wish to see him get hurt again." And he bowed down to the exorcists.

"Of course," Lenalee replied with a smile on her face. "I promised that we won't hurt Lavi. We will never hurt our _nakama. _Especially these two who feels the same way as you feel for Lavi."

"Lenalee!" Allen exclaimed with a blush on his face. Lenalee giggled.

"I noticed," Lucas said. "From your eyes, the way you see Rufus was the same way I looked at him from the first time we met. I never believed in love at first sight before, but changed my mind when I met him." Lucas looked at the redhead with eyes filled with happiness, care and love. He stroked his companion's hair and face again.

"Nmmm…" sounds suddenly coming from the redhead. Everyone in the cave except for Lucas stood up to look at the man with the flaming red hair as Rufus/Lavi opened his eyes slowly, finding himself facing the Norwegian. "Lucas…" the redhead cried out.

"Oh Rufus," Lucas hugged him, expressing his relief. "Oh thank goodness Rufus, you're all right… I was so… worried…"

"Lucas…" the redhead hugged back. Kanda soon realized then the storm outside had calmed down and stopped eventually. The sky also began to brighten up, showing that the sun had risen and morning had come.

Rufus noticed the strangers in the cave. "Lucas? Who are these people?" He asked innocently to his companion.

"Rufus," Lucas said while placing his right hand on his companion's left cheek. "I'm afraid I have some confession I need to do."

The red-haired man blinked.

"About you."

The red-haired man blinked again, not understanding the situation he was in at the moment.

Meanwhile, the group failed to notice that a human with a skin of grey color was somewhere outside in the cave, hearing their conversation…

To Be Continued…

_ok so so so so so? what do you think? please please please please please do RnR!_

_so far august-chan really loves all the reviews given! and they had been such a great motivation to continue the story!_

_that's why please continue to support the story through RnR kk? mayb they are so great that i decided to focus more on this instead of my school work! XD_

_comments, shout outs, questions and constructive criticisms are welcomed!_

_BUT ABSOLUTELY NO FLAMING!_

_ok now august-chan shall start working on chapter 9! expect it by this week! =]]]_

_meanwhile, let us all wait together, you for the next update while me for all your reviews! =D_

_ok till next time! jya ne~~~_

_August-chan =]]]_


	9. the Norwegian's Confession

_yo people! here is 'Memories aren't Everything' the 9th chapter! phew finally done with it man... so sorry for the late update!_

_once again and again and again... thank you for all your support for this story! _

_would like to thank YuKanda for the 1st constructive criticism! as a newbie here, thank you for ur guidance and hope you continue giving your support! =]_

_ok i think i have been leaving opening messages too long with too many words these days, so im gonna keep this short._

_but still, even if you are bored of it, please read the following because its important:-_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do _**_NOT _**_own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 7-10_

_ok please, enjoy~~~_

**Chapter 9 – Mission Continues 2 : the Norwegian's Confession**

"_Rufus," Lucas said while placing his right hand on his companion's left cheek. "I'm afraid I have some confession I need to do."_

_The red-haired man blinked._

"_About you."_

_The red-haired man blinked again, not understanding the situation he was in at the moment._

_Meanwhile, the group failed to notice that a human with a skin of grey color was somewhere outside in the cave, hearing their conversation…_

"What do you mean by that Lucas?" the redhead asked with an innocent and puzzled face.

"It's just like I said," Lucas replied. "What I'm going to say right now are all the things I have been hiding from these people here regarding you since my group and I found you at the mountain's cave. You need to listen carefully as well because after this, I believe you will have some important decisions to make."

"What decisions?" Rufus/Lavi asked, his hands holding on to Lucas' shirt gripped more tightly.

"Relax Rufus, just listen," Lucas said as he reached out to his bag and pulled out a short black tattered coat that bore the Black Order crest. The three exorcists recognized the uniform immediately.

"What's this?" the redhead asked, looking at the black coat.

"This, Rufus," Lucas replied. "Is the coat that you were wearing when we found you."

"This?" The redhead then looked closely at the coat, and then noticed the crest on it. He then looked up to the coat of Allen and Kanda and realized they were having the same crest. "You don't mean?"

"These people here are saying you are one of their _nakama_, Rufus. In other words, people whom you may know in your past. It's just that you cannot remember."

The red-haired young man looked at the three exorcists in confusion. "Is it true?"

"Yes, Lavi," Lenalee replied, showing a sincere smile towards him. "You may not remember but we were your friends Lavi. We eat together, laugh together, travel together and fight together. You even developed true feelings from your hearts thinking of us as your real friends and even more even though you were not allowed to."

"Lavi? Was that my real name? And what do you mean by I'm not allowed to develop true feelings?"

"Because you are the successor to Bookman, Lavi," this time Allen answered. "A Bookman is the one that records true history of humanity and you were not allowed getting attached or friends because it might bias the history.

"And I'm afraid to say that Lavi wasn't your true name, but your forty-ninth alias, you told me before that when you pledged your whole life to become a Bookman, you threw away your real name."

"Huh? Wait, why would I do that? I… I…" the redhead began to panic slightly when hearing to truth from the exorcists. His hands held on to his head. He began shaking. Great, the headache is coming back…

"Rufus, calm down," the Norwegian wrapped his arms around his panicked companion's waist and whisper into his ears. "It's okay… I need you to listen. It's all right…"

"Lucas, who are these people? I don't know them. What are they talking about? I cannot understand what they are saying. I… I…"

"They said that they know the cause of the rapid changing seasons," this time, the redhead stopped shaking and moved his hands away from his head.

"Really?"

Lucas nodded. "They even know how to stop it as well. But to do that, they need your help."

"Huh? But how?"

"You've already realized it, didn't you? That every time you feel sad, scared or panicked, or every time your negative emotions grow strong, the weather conditions become bad."

The redhead paused, while the three exorcists stared hard at Lucas, slightly shocked of what they had just heard.

"That's how you were able to predict the storm we had been facing for the past year. Right? Rufus? Or should I said," Lucas showed his red-haired companion the name tagged sewed on the inside of the tattered exorcist coat. "Lavi, Bookman Junior."

"Lucas…" Lavi was about to say something, but Lucas stopped him by placing a finger on his lips.

"It's all right, Rufus," the Norwegian smiled at the redhead. "You are welcome to go back with them and return to your home. Right from the start, we both knew that this is not where you belonged. I knew this will happen sooner or later. When I saw that guy over there with the ponytail yesterday in the festival, wearing a coat with a crest same as the one on your coat, I knew this will happen.

"But I was selfish. I tried denying them who you are is so that I can delayed the time that you will leave my side. I lied to them hoping that they will be convinced that you were a different person. But it doesn't work, because they love you, just as much as I do to you."

"Lucas… please… no more…" the red-haired man was crying while hugging onto the person he's calling for.

"Rufus, I love you," Lucas hugged back. "But it is precisely because I love you, I must do this."

Hearing those words, Kanda remembered the last words Lavi said to him before he fell two years ago and jolted. Before anyone knew, Kanda quickly stood up, walked towards the mountaineer and gave him a tight slap on his face.

"I thought I said it's not up to you to decide what Lavi will do next." Kanda growled at Lucas, sending a chilling glare. "Do you really think you are helping him by saying that you are willing to sacrifice for his sake?"

Kanda unsheathed his sword and pointed towards the couple hugging each other. But Lucas noticed that the sword and the words were not directed at him completely. "Learn that when you decided to sacrifice yourself to save the one you loved doesn't satisfy everyone but yourself! Learn that it doesn't bring anyone happiness at all, but only MORE PAIN AND MISERY! YOU BAKA!" Kanda panted after shouting those words, causing the last few words to echo in the cave. Lucas looked at Kanda with eyes full of shock while Lavi still continued crying.

"Lucas… I don't want to leave you… I want to stay with you… please… don't force me to leave…" the redhead managed to breathe out while crying.

"Rufus, I-"

"I don't care! I don't care about my past! If remembering it means I have to leave you then I rather not remembering them! My past is not important to me, but you Lucas! So please… don't leave me… I love you too…" Lavi said as he hugged the Norwegian tighter.

Kanda dropped his Mugen and felt his whole world crumbling when he heard Lavi said those words. His eyes then widened when he saw Lavi initiated a kiss onto Lucas' lips, which the Norwegian kissed back and pulled the redhead closer. Kanda couldn't take this anymore. He quickly spun around and made his way out of the cave, without picking up his Mugen. He felt that if he stayed in the cave any longer, he would give in to the temptation to pick up Mugen and stab the Norwegian for touching Lavi and Lavi for betraying his love.

"Kanda!" cried Allen as he too made his way towards outside of the cave to chase after Kanda.

"Allen-kun!" Allen heard Lenalee shouted and turned back to catch Mugen thrown to him by Lenalee.

"Thanks Lenalee. You stay here with Lucas-san and Lavi ok?" Lenalee nodded and with that he sprinted off towards the direction Kanda went.

It didn't take a long time for Allen to find Kanda, with his forehead resting on the back of his upper arm that was resting on a tree. Allen noticed that Kanda was crying.

"Kanda?" Allen spoke. Kanda immediately realized that Allen was behind him and quickly wiped away his tears.

"What the hell do you want _moyashi_," Kanda rudely replied. "I'm not in the mood to argue with you."

"And so do I."

Kanda turned around to see a weak smile formed on Allen's face, but the eyes were definitely reflecting sadness and pain he felt in his heart.

The white haired exorcist then walked up to Kanda to give him his Mugen.

"Kanda, I know it's painful but I need you to go back." Allen pointed up at the sky. "In case you didn't notice but a storm might be coming again. It seems we got Lavi agitated a bit too much just now."

Allen was right. Black clouds were forming in the sky.

"There's no way I'm going back."

"But Kanda-"

"If you can stand that mountaineer bastard keeps touching Lavi so intimately while Lavi keeps rejecting you then go back ahead without me." Snow flakes were beginning to fall.

"I can't possibly leave you alone in such weather conditions. You'll freeze!"

"So what? My heart was already frozen in that cave before I came out so what's the difference?" And with that Kanda immediately walked away.

"Kanda!" Allen chased after him.

* * *

True enough, a storm started. However the cave was not as cold as the previous night because the mountaineer had started the fire earlier for he predicted the storm coming and also the storm was not as heavy and violent as the previous one. According to Lucas, the storm might last for a shorter time as Lavi had already calmed down from the agitation he received earlier that day.

Lenalee, worried about her _nakamas_ that had not returned, wanted to go out into the storm to find them but was stopped by the Norwegian.

"Don't worry about them," the Norwegian said. "They should be all right. A storm of such velocity won't kill anyone, though I hope they do return soon if not they might freeze out there."

"But…"

"And besides, though not that strong, I don't think travelling in this weather is easy for you as well. So I will just wait here for your _nakama _if I were you."

Lenalee hesitantly nodded in response showing that she agreed with Lucas. She then looked at Lavi and tried talking to him just like she did in old times. However, Lavi on the other hand seemed to find it difficult to talk to her and felt nervous. Lenalee, in order to calm down his nervousness, brought a biscuit over to Lavi and offered it to him.

"Here," Lenalee said, offering Lavi a biscuit with a sincere smile. "You must be hungry, isn't it?"

Lavi looked at the Chinese exorcist in slight surprise and looked at Lucas, who nodded signaling it's all right. Lavi hesitantly accepted the biscuit offered.

"Thanks…" Lavi said and this made Lenalee really happy.

"Do you remember Lavi?" Lenalee tried speaking normally to the redhead while seated herself beside him. "You could actually control the weather using your Innocence weapon, which really saved us many times."

"I could do that?" Lavi asked in bewilderment. Lenalee nodded. "But I can't do that right now, isn't it?"

"Not without your Innocence," Lenalee replied.

"I see…" Lavi said, slightly disappointed and continued chewing on the biscuit he had in his hands.

* * *

Meanwhile, the two exorcists that were not in the cave were making their way to another mountain on the island. Actually it was more like Kanda managed to walk through the storm towards the mountain while Allen chased after him. They both stopped when they reached a certain point at the bottom of the mountain as they find it difficult to advance further for the storm seemed to grow stronger.

"Kanda!" Allen shouted. "We should make our way back to Lenalee and Lavi!"

"I said go back yourself!" Kanda shouted back. "I'm not going back! Not until I found and retrieved the Innocence!"

"The Innocence?" Allen asked. "What do you mean? Do you mean, in this mountain?" Allen seemed to realize something.

"I have talked to that Norwegian bastard." Kanda replied loudly making sure Allen could hear him. "This is the mountain where they found Lavi."

"I see… Then the Innocence is in this mountain?"

"I don't know, but I need to check it out. So I'm not going back till then!"

"Then let me go with you too! This is OUR mission, isn't it?"

"Che, don't complain if you freeze, because I'm not going to save you if you got yourself into any trouble understand?"

Allen nodded and both exorcists tried to walk nearer to the mountain. However, whenever they got nearer a stronger wind was blown towards them, sending them flying away from the mountain.

Soon both exorcists gave up on trying getting near the mountain. They then went somewhere further from the mountain where the storm was not that strong. Allen sighed in defeat.

"If only we could get Lavi to change the weather using his Wood Seal…"

"Apparently not, not in the state that _usagi_ is in now."

Allen looked at Kanda as he realized that he and Kanda were thinking of the same thing. "So you also have suspected that Lavi's Innocence is the one that caused all these?"

"Yeah… Pretty much…"

"I thought about it ever since I saw Lavi alive yesterday. Lavi's Innocence does have the ability to influence the nature, and if Lavi's Innocence is strangely not with him…"

"Then it means that that idiot had left it somewhere before he was found by that mountaineer bastard. And the only two possible places are…"

"The cave in the mountain here or by the coast where Lavi landed after drifting in the sea for a period of time after that day two years ago…"

Kanda stared hard at the white-haired exorcist.

"Lucas-san had told me that when they found Lavi he was wet all over his body, so he suspected that Lavi had travelled for a while when he woke up at the coast of the island after drifting for a long period in the sea.

"But since the storm seemed to be getting stronger here. Then I guess the chances that the Innocence is here is higher than the other," Kanda nodded in agreement with Allen. What the _moyashi_ said was what he had been thinking about.

"That means the only way to retrieve the Innocence is to…" Kanda said as he closed his eyes and slapped his forehead. Great, this mission would be dragged longer than he expected. His hand on his forehead then moved downwards to cover his eyes as he felt his tears were tempting to form in his eyes again whenever he started thinking about Lavi and the state he was in right now. Allen noticed this, and immediately asked Kanda something that was hogging in his mind for quite some time.

"Why did you tell Lavi to choose?" Allen asked, which Kanda twitched slightly when he heard the question, but remained in the position he was in. He knew what Allen meant by that question. "I thought for sure that you will tell Lucas-san that Lavi has no choice but to come with us in the end, which is true, and you knew it every well. You have been telling this to other newly found Innocence compatible user but why this time-"

"Shut up _moyashi,_ I don't need you telling me what to do," Kanda exclaimed and immediately stood up and attempted to walk into the mountain again, but was once again blown away by a stronger wind.

"It's useless Kanda," Allen said as he quickly went to Kanda to help him up when he was blown away by the wind again. "We can't even get close. If what we are suspecting is right, then the only person who can enter the mountain and retrieve the Innocence is Lavi."

"So the only way to complete our mission is to get that _baka usagi's _help."

"I'm afraid so," Allen said as he nodded.

"Then my next course of action seemed obvious then," cried a new voice that surprised both exorcists to turn around and look up to the source of it. Kanda and Allen gaped in surprise when they saw a human with a gray skin seated herself on top of a Level two _Akuma_, which both recognized as the one that escaped from them when it attacked the city during the festival. It is accompanied by many Level Ones. Seated on top of the Level two is a Noah Allen had recognized as the Noah with the ability to transform into anything, Lulubell.

"You're… Lulubell!"

"So in other words, I just have to get the Bookman Junior to help me get the Innocence here isn't it?"

Kanda quickly unsheathed his sword and activated Mugen. "Don't you DARE get close to Lavi!" Kanda shouted as he lunged forward to Lulubell, but a Level One stood in his way of attack. Kanda quickly slashed the Level One away causing an explosion that sent him back onto the ground. When the smoke from the explosion subsided, Lulubell and the Level two _Akuma _had disappeared.

To Be Continued…

_so so so so? what do you think? RnR ..._

_im trying to add a bit of suspense and action here but as a newbie i think its better u guys read it and comment about it and give me some advice? =]_

_so please... even if you are lazy or have no time or for any other reasons... just try to leave a simple review kk? please? =]_

_comments, shout outs, questions and constructive criticism are welcomed! =] (but as usual, no flaming please...)_

_will be waiting for your reviews while working on the next chapter! =]_

_till then, jya ne~~_

_yours sincerely,_

_august-chan =DDD_


	10. the Attack of Noah

_yo people! august-chan here wif the 10th chapter of 'Memories aren't Everything'!_

_So SORRY! that i took such a long time updating! been really busy with school work and other commitments... so thank you for being so understanding and patient even though i know some of u couldn't wait! so ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU!_

_as usual, i know you are probably sick of it but please read the following b4 u start the chp:-_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language (sorry but couldn't find any angst here)_

**Chapter 10 – Mission Continues 3 : the Attack of Noah**

"_You're… Lulubell!"_

"_So in other words, I just have to get the Bookman Junior to help me get the Innocence here isn't it?"_

_Kanda quickly unsheathed his sword and activated Mugen. "Don't you DARE get close to Lavi!" Kanda shouted as he lunged forward to Lulubell, but a Level One stood in his way of attack. Kanda quickly slashed the Level One away causing an explosion that sent him back onto the ground. When the smoke from the explosion subsided, Lulubell and the Level two Akuma had disappeared._

"Shit!" Kanda cried out in anger. "That Noah's after Lavi!" The Japanese swordsman shouted out while trying to sprint towards the direction that would lead him back to the cave, but was stopped by the Level Ones firing violet beams on him and Allen.

"Get out of my way!" Kanda screamed. He then used his Mugen's First Illusions: Hell Insects to destroy a number of Level Ones in front of him. However, being too distracted of the _Akumas_ in front of him, he failed to notice the ones behind.

"Die! Exorcists!" the _Akumas_ aimed at Kanda, who noticed them too late and found himself unable to dodge the attacks on time. However, before the _Akumas_ fired, they were destroyed by Allen's arm that had transformed into a gun.

"Hurry! Kanda!" Allen shouted. "Lulubell has the ability to transform into anything or ANYONE she wants. Hurry get to Lavi before she got him! I'll fight the _Akumas_ here! You go ahead first!"

"I'll do that without you telling me to!" And with that Kanda immediately sprinted towards the direction that led him to the cave.

'Please, let me make it on time… Lavi!'

* * *

Lenalee was getting anxious. After about an hour of the storm, her two _nakamas_ still had not returned. Despite Lucas trying to stop her Lenalee was about to step out of the cave to find them when she spotted a shadowy figure coming closer towards the cave. When the figure got closer, Lenalee immediately recognised the figure as Kanda.

"Kanda! You're back! Where's Allen-kun?"

"Don't know," replied the Japanese exorcist. "Could be somewhere behind me, but how far I don't know."

"How could you leave him behind? What if he can't catch up?" Lenalee scolded Kanda.

"Hmph" Kanda retorted and walked past Lenalee towards the redhead sitting in a corner. "It's not as if that Allen Walker cannot take care of himself."

'Huh? Allen Walker? Has Kanda ever called Allen-kun by his full name?' Lenalee thought, confused by the Japanese man's words.

The raven haired exorcist walked till he reached in front of the red-haired young man, who was apparently sleeping. "Lavi, get up." Kanda said. "I said get up."

"Mmm?" Lavi opened his eyes and looked up to stare at the face of the man calling him. Lavi noticed that the man in front of him had eyes that were void of emotions, unlike the eyes full of pain and sadness a few moments ago when he talked to him and his Norwegian lover.

"Eh… Kanda-san right? Erm how can I help you?" Lavi asked nervously, and was pushing himself onto the wall behind him.

"Come with me, right now," exclaimed the Japanese exorcist as he pulled Lavi's orange scarf up to make him stand up. He then grabbed Lavi by the wrist and dragged him out of the cave. The other two in the cave saw the scene in shock as they attempted to stop Kanda.

"Wait! Where do you think you're taking Rufus to?"

"Kanda? What happened? If you want to bring him out, at least wait till the storm is over!"

"Sorry, can't wait," Kanda said as he pushed the two people grabbing onto him away with a force that made Lenalee and Lucas hit onto the walls of the cave, hard.

"Wait, let me go!" Lavi exclaimed towards the Japanese swordsman, who ignored his resistance and continued walking out of the cave and into the storm. "I said let go! It hurts!"

"Rufus!" Lucas shouted from the cave.

"Lucas!" the redhead turned and shouted back, but only to receive a blow on the back of his neck, making him lose his conscious.

"Rufus!"

"Lavi!"

Both Lenalee and Lucas shouted at the same time when they saw their red-haired friend knocked into unconsciousness by their raven haired friend.

"Kanda! What is the meaning of this?" Lucas shouted, glaring menacingly at the Japanese swordsman.

"He was getting noisy so I had to knock him out," replied Kanda in a voice of indifference. Lenalee was shocked to see the Level two _Akuma_ appearing beside Kanda without attacking him. Lenalee then realised what was going on.

"You… are not Kanda, right?" Lenalee asked, getting ready to activate her Dark Boots.

An evil smile was formed on Kanda's face, and the figure changed back into a woman with the skin colour of grey showing her identity as a Noah.

"L-Lulubell!" exclaimed Lenalee for she also recognised the Noah.

"I'll be taking the Bookman Junior," Lulubell announced as she jumped onto the Level two _Akuma_. The _Akuma_, using one of its many tails, wrapped Lavi around to grab him.

"Do not kill him yet. We need him to get to the Innocence."

"Yes, Lulubell-sama."

"Rufus!" shouted the Norwegian. He tried to get up but he was damaged pretty badly by Lulubell when she sent him to collide to the wall with a great force.

Lenalee tried to chase after, but was stopped by more Level One _Akumas_ that appeared in front of her, attempting to stand in her way towards Lavi. Lenalee activated her Innocence and started destroying the _Akumas_. But it was taking too much time as the _Akuma_ carrying Lulubell and holding Lavi had flew into the sky, attempting to escape.

"Lavi!" Lenalee screamed as she and Lucas watched helplessly the redhead being taken away from them.

"Everything is according to plan," Lulubell said as the _Akuma_ had flown into air. "Now all I need to do is-"

"GIVE HIM BACK!" Lulubell's words were interrupted by a scream of another voice and a sword-slashing sound followed. A large amount of blood spurted out from the tail that was cut down, dropping Lavi that was wrapped up by the tail.

"GAH!" screamed the _Akuma_ in pain as Kanda quickly grabbed Lavi and landed safely on the snowy ground.

"Kanda!" cried Lenalee. Seeing that Kanda had arrived and successfully saved Lavi, she quickly used one of her special moves, 'Waltz of the Piercing Wind' to destroy the rest of the _Akuma_ she was fighting and ran towards Kanda, who was attempting to release Lavi from the wrapping tail and wake him up.

"Lavi! Get up! I said get up!" Kanda shouted. Lenalee was helping Kanda with the tail.

"He's been knocked unconscious," Lenalee told Kanda while the two exorcists finally freed Lavi from the tail. "Don't think he will wake up soon."

"Damn it!" Kanda screamed in frustration and turned to glare the Noah with a heavy murderous aura. Seeing that the chances of her winning and capturing the Bookman Junior had become low due to the appearance of Kanda, she jumped from the damaged _Akuma_ to another one. She ordered the damaged _Akuma_ before escaping the area.

"Kill them all and bring me Bookman Junior," and Lulubell was out of sight.

To Be Continued…

_so so so so?_

_what do you think? RnR PLEASE!_

_august-chan is getting pretty depressed these days due to lack of reviews... so if possible, give me a review here whether it is criticism, shout-outs or questions! =]]] (But no flaming plz)_

_august-chan believes she needs to get more motivated and so do u! XD_

_ok thn, look 4ward to the next chp_

_till then, jya ne~~~_

_August-chan_


	11. Protect your Loved Ones

_hi people! August-chan here!_

_I know that many of you might b complaining the short length of chapter 10. real sorry! was really busy so had to kinda rush everything..._

_but no worries! to make it up, here's a quick update of chapter 11! also quite short, but promise the upcoming chapters will be longer. but might take somemore time thou so august-chan will really appareciate it if you can b understanding and patient here ok? =]]_

_ok, as usual, please read the following b4 starting the chp!_

_Rating: M – for lemon, Violence and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language, Angst rating between 6-10_

_ok then, ENJOY~~~_

**Chapter 11 – Kanda's Resolve : ****Protect your Loved Ones**

"_Lavi! Get up! I said get up!" Kanda shouted. Lenalee was helping Kanda with the tail._

"_He's been knocked unconscious," Lenalee told Kanda while the two exorcists finally freed Lavi from the tail. "Don't think he will wake up soon."_

"_Damn it!" Kanda screamed in frustration and turned to glare the Noah with a heavy murderous aura. Seeing that the chances of her winning and capturing the Bookman Junior had become low due to the appearance of Kanda, she jumped from the damaged Akuma to another one. She ordered the damaged Akuma before escaping the area._

"_Kill them all and bring me Bookman Junior," and Lulubell was out of sight._

Upon hearing the order, two guns grew at the waist of the _Akuma_ and positioned to aim at the exorcists. He also prepared the rest of his uncut tails to attack.

"By Lulubell-sama's orders," the _Akuma_ cried. "DIE! EXCORCISTS!" And the _Akuma_ began firing and whacking his tails around aimlessly.

Although Kanda and Lenalee managed to jump up to dodge all the gunshots aimed at the ground, the tails were able to hit them when they were in the air and sent them thrown off to collide one on to a tree and the other on to the snowy ground.

While the two exorcists tried getting up recovering from the previous blow, Lucas, seeing the dangerous situation, got up and ran towards where his red-haired companion was lying unconsciously.

"Rufus!"

"Idiot!" Kanda shouted. "Don't come out!"

"Lucas-san!" Lenalee cried. She noticed Lucas was being in the line of a gunshot by the _Akuma_ and quickly dashed towards the Norwegian to push him (along herself) back to the cave to dodge the gunshot.

"Rufus! Rufus is still out there!" Lucas exclaimed to Lenalee, anxious about the safety of his love one.

"Please do not worry," Lenalee replied standing at the entrance of the cave. "We will definitely protect Lavi. I will bring him to you now." And with that Lenalee dashed out of the cave.

Kanda on the other hand was sprinting around to dodge the attacks of the _Akuma_, from both the gunshots and the tails. He then managed to cut down a few tails, which the _Akuma_ responded by focusing more gunshots at him when he jumped back after cutting to prevent him from getting close. Realising Lenalee's presence, the _Akuma_ sent some of his tails after her, which Lenalee could dodge easily due to her accelerating speed given to her by her Dark Boots.

However, when Lenalee dodged the last tail attack it had (the rest had been cut down by Kanda) by jumping up and forward into the air, she failed to notice that behind her lied the unconscious Lavi, causing Lavi to be in the line of the attack.

"Rufus!" Lucas shouted when he saw the whole scene.

"_Shimatta! _Lavi!" Lenalee cried when she realised her mistake, eyes widened in shock and fear for her friend's life.

"Rufus!" Lucas shouted again, seeing that the attack won't stop and was really heading towards the redhead.

And the sound of stabbing could be heard.

…

…

Lucas and Lenalee's eyes widened at the sight they were seeing.

…

…

Lucas' jaw was dropping.

…

…

Lenalee covered her opened mouth.

…

…

Shock was definitely not a word strong enough to describe how they were feeling.

…

…

Blood was spurting out fiercely and dripping down, staining the white snowy ground with a deep red colour.

…

…

But the blood was not Lavi's.

…

…

"KANDA!" Lenalee screamed as blood dripped out from the wound he received from the left side of his chest that was stabbed through him by the tail of the _Akuma_; behind him was Lavi, unharmed.

Blood spurted out fiercely from Kanda's back as well, where some of the blood landed on Lavi's face. Feeling something was touching his face and noticing a familiar metal-like scent, Lavi slowly opened his eyes, waking up from his unconsciousness. However, the first thing he saw in sight was a man with a long and untied raven haired man in front of him, with his back facing him but had a tail-like weapon literally went through the left side of his shoulder and chest, blood flowing from the deep wound profusely.

Lavi froze and eye widened at the sight; his heart started pumping at a rapid rate with shock and panic of at least two hundred percent. The next thing he knew Kanda turned his head back to face him.

"You… all right? _Baka… u… sagi_…?"

Lavi could only slowly sat up and stare straight into the dark eyes of the exorcist in front of him that had saved him with his totally widened left green eye. The tail that was through the body of Kanda was later pulled back by the _Akuma_, and Kanda collapsed onto the ground, more blood flowing from his wound and widened the radius of the red stain he caused to the clear, white ground.

As Lavi watched the raven haired man collapsed onto the ground, the more than two hundred percent shock seemed to trigger something in his brain and he unknowingly called for Kanda.

"Yuuuuuuuuuu!" Lavi screamed as he quickly crawled his way towards beside Kanda. He stared directly into Kanda's face and continued calling him.

"Yuu! Yuu! Yuu!"

"Kanda!" Lenalee cried out and quickly turned back to glare with a pair of furious and murderous eyes, with tears already formed, at the _Akuma_, who was laughing and rejoicing thinking he had killed an exorcist.

"Yes!" cried out the _Akuma_ triumphantly. "I've killed an exorcist! Lulubell-sama will be so pleased!"

"Shut up!" screamed Lenalee as she powered up, her weapon responded to her anger, dashed at a higher speed towards the _Akuma_ to kick through literally the last tail it had that had stabbed Kanda.

"GAH!" the _Akuma_ screamed in pain as its last tail was amputated.

"NEVER hurt my _nakama_ again," Lenalee declared to the _Akuma_ with her eyes covered by her bangs.

After that, the _Akuma_ was destroyed without Lenalee needing to do anything. Allen had given the finishing blow with his gun on his left arm from behind the _Akuma_, who soon exploded.

When the smoke from the explosion subsided, Allen quickly ran towards Lenalee to ask if everyone's all right. However Allen realised Lenalee was crying.

"Lenalee?" Allen asked, worried and scared.

"Allen-kun…" Lenalee still didn't see eye to eye with her white-haired _nakama_.

Allen was about to ask further questions when he was interrupted by Lavi's screams.

"Yuu! Yuu! Yuu!" Lavi screamed while tears were flowing heavily from his eye. Though his vision was beginning to blur, he still continued to stare at the Japanese swordsman's unconscious body.

"Kanda!" Allen noticed Kanda's body on a circle of red snow and quickly made his way towards him and Lavi, while Lenalee, still crying, noticed something else.

'Lavi called Kanda? By his…?' Lenalee thought as she spun around to look at the scene, tears still flowing from her eyes.

Lucas also noticed the strange calling from the redhead and only watched the scene in silence.

"Yuu!" Lavi continued shouting at Kanda. "Yuu! Please wake up! Open your goddamn eyes! Please… I beg you…"

Upon Lavi's beg, Kanda eyes started to open.

"Kanda!"

"Yuu!"

Both Allen and Lavi cried when they noticed the opening eyes. Kanda then looked into Lavi's left eye.

"Lavi…" Kanda managed to breathe out words while he raised his hands to touch Lavi's left cheek. He then actually smiled, despite his severe wound.

"You… just… called… my… na-… name…"

"Huh?" Lavi blinked at the comment made by Kanda, and only then he realised he had been calling Kanda's first name without knowing how and why.

"I…" Lavi was about to say something when Kanda's hand left his face and fell onto the ground, indicating Kanda's loss of his conscious.

"Kanda?" Allen spoke softly when Kanda closed his eyes. When he realised his _nakama_ was not waking up, he screamed.

"KANDA!"

To Be Continued…

_OMG OMG OMG OMG_

_KANDA! hope he is all right man... thou thats up to me to decide XD_

_as usual, plz plz plz plz plz RnR, esp for this chp! i have been really stressed out and depressed wif the lack of reviews these days and really feeling like biting people's head off! RAW!_

_so can just RnR for a few seconds b4 i really bite someone? and that someone could b U! XD_

_so RnR ok ok ok? pretty plz~~~~ _

_good news for u. already working on chapter 11._

_but sch will b busy this wk so i cant guarantee will update soon. but should b able to in the weekends so look 4ward to it! ;]_

_ok! till next time! =D_

_jya ne~~~_

_again! dun 4get to review!_

_August-chan_


	12. the Sense of Security

_ok people! here's chapter 12 as promise!_

_sorry it took so long..._

_just to prepare and warn you, the next few chapter will be back to angst and comfort, thou if u ask me is more on the romance comfort, if u get what i mean._

_anyway, as usual, before reading, please read the following:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do **NOT **own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Character's Death, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

**Chapter 12 – Lavi's Confusion ****1 : the Sense of Security**

"_Lavi…" Kanda managed to breathe out words while he raised his hands to touch Lavi's left cheek. He then actually smiled, despite his severe wound. _

"_You… just… called… my… na-… name…"_

"_Huh?" Lavi blinked at the comment made by Kanda, and only then he realised he had been calling Kanda's first name without knowing how and why._

"_I…" Lavi was about to say something when Kanda's hand left his face and fell onto the ground, indicating Kanda's loss of his conscious._

"_Kanda?" Allen spoke softly when Kanda closed his eyes. When he realised his nakama was not waking up, he screamed._

"_KANDA!"_

Darkness.

That's all he could see.

'Where am I? …I need some light.'

"But Lucas…" came a voice somewhere in the darkness.

"No buts," another voice spoke in the darkness.

Both voices are familiar, especially the first one.

'Wait, I know this voice. It's…'

A source of light finally appeared as the inner voice said those words, which soon revealed more lights of a familiar colour and brightness, and then further revealed colours of red and brown hair on two people standing at a door.

"I'm sorry Rufus," the second voice spoke again. "I'm afraid I can't let you walked out into the streets. What if someone sees you back in town! They're going to hurt you again!"

The person who had just returned from the darkness turned his head to face the two at the door.

"No, that's not what I meant," the first voice said. "I just want to-"

"Rufus," the second voice interrupted as the person hugged his companion. "Promise me that you will stay in this room and take care of him till I come back."

"Lucas…"

"I promise I will come back as soon as possible. I just need to get some things from my house in town and probably get you some food. So till then stay safe here okay?" asked the Norwegian as he stroked the red-haired young man's hair.

"… All right," the redhead replied. "But be careful."

Lucas then placed a kiss on the redhead's forehead and headed out of the door.

After seeing his Norwegian lover left the room, Lavi turned back to face Kanda, but was surprised to see his eyes already opened as Kanda had gained his consciousness.

"Oh god," the redhead commented. "You're awake? Are you all right?" Lavi quickly made his way towards Kanda that was lying on the bed, half of his upper body more on his left side covered with bandages that were stained heavily red.

Kanda raised his right hand to touch his throat. He felt very dry there.

"Water," Kanda managed to breathe out the words which prompted the redhead to quickly reach towards the jar of water at the table beside the bed and Lavi poured some water into a cup. He then helped Kanda to sit up and slowly poured the water into Kanda's mouth, which Kanda accepted and drank the water.

When all the water had left the cup, Lavi then placed the empty cup on the table and sat on the chair at the side of the bed.

"Are you feeling better?" Lavi asked when he sat down. "Your _nakama_ said that you will refuse to go to the hospital and even said that the wounds will heal soon as long as we let you sleep as long as you need. But such a big wound…"

"No worries," Kanda replied Lavi in a reassuring tone. "I will survive." Kanda immediately removed his bandages. Although the wound started healing and became smaller, Kanda's left shoulder was still bleeding.

"Eh I think it's best we get the bandages changed," Lavi said as he stood up and headed towards a drawer in the room and brought the first-aid kit to Kanda. "I'm not really good at this so…"

"You're a Bookman Successor. You should know how to do first-aid."

"Allen-san and Lenalee-san said the same thing…"

"So, just quickly clean it up."

Lavi then hesitantly nodded and sat down beside Kanda on the bed. He then removed his gloves, touched Kanda's wound softly and stared at it with a sorrowful and worried face, his left eye covered by his long locks, remembering the scene where Kanda had saved him.

"What's wrong?" Kanda asked as he noticed the sad and guilty expression on Lavi's face and eye, which brought Lavi back to reality and he looked up at Kanda's eyes.

"Nothing," Lavi replied, bringing out the disinfectant and cotton to clean up the wound on Kanda's left shoulder, trying to stop the bleeding. Soon, Lavi brought out the bandages and started wrapping around Kanda's left shoulder and chest. He was being very gentle and careful while wrapping for fear that any slight wrong movement would cause more pain for the Japanese. He definitely didn't want Kanda to experience more pain because of him. He didn't want anymore people to get hurt because of him…

While Lavi was busily wrapping the wounds, Kanda could sense the tensed atmosphere and started talking.

"How long was I unconscious?" asked Kanda.

"Erm… about two days?" Lavi answered, whose eye was still on the bandages in his hands.

"So you are not allowed on the streets huh?" Kanda asked Lavi after some time of silence again.

"Well," Lavi answered him, still busily wrapping the chest. "The people will chase me out again when they saw me… So Lucas said its best that I stayed here…"

"Then how did you even manage to get into the city?" Kanda asked with one of his eye brows raised.

"Er… Lucas got some… help from his connections and friends…" Lavi replied hesitantly. "Though I'm afraid they were kind of being threatened if you ask me…"

"So even his friends are afraid of you?"

"Well… can't blame them because since three months ago, all of Lucas companions who found me in the mountain kind of… Well… they…"

"Yeah?" Kanda asked, but waited patiently for Lavi to be ready and willing to answer him.

Lavi stayed still and silent for a while, brooding over whether he should tell Kanda or not. But ever since Kanda took a heavy blow for him, Lavi had already mentally concluded that this Japanese could be trusted.

"… Dead," Lavi finally answered. "One by one since three months ago. Some actually went missing. Until now the police still haven't caught the murderer so…"

"They blamed you for all that?" Kanda said as he squeezed one of Lavi's hands that were on his chest, still wrapping the cleaned wound. Lavi was slightly taken aback by such actions.

"Well, sort of…" Lavi said as he pulled back his hand to continue covering Kanda's chest with bandages. "But they're still unable to arrest me though, because there's no solid proof that I did it so…" Lavi said those words as he noticed Kanda's worried eyes. Kanda, on the other hand, noticed that Lavi had started shivering when he said those words.

After a while, Lavi pulled back his hands from Kanda's chest, finished with the cleaning up and bandaging of the wound. He then kept the bandages in the first-aid kit and stood up to walk towards a table in the room. Lavi then returned to Kanda's side to give the raven-haired man a bowl filled with a dark liquid.

"What's this?" Kanda asked, looking at the dark liquid in the bowl with a look of confusion.

"It's medicine for you," Lavi explained. "Lucas said since you are not going to the hospital its best you drink this up, if you want to feel better that is."

"Why would I want to drink this?" Kanda looked up at Lavi with a look of disgust.

"Just drink it," Lavi said as he glared at Kanda. "I have drunk it myself plenty of times before so no need to worry if there's any poison or something."

Kanda grumbled, but was defeated by Lavi's glare so he quickly drank the medicine in one gulp. Kanda then passed the bowl back to Lavi's with a disgusted expression. It was the worst medicine he had tasted so far in his life.

"Thanks," Lavi said to Kanda as he accepted the bowl from him, satisfied that the Japanese had finished everything in the bowl. He then put the bowl on the table at the bed side.

Kanda then realised something from the previous conversation and continued to ask Lavi some questions.

"That Norwegian doesn't seem to mind staying with you, despite knowing that his companions may be dying because of you and he may be next," Lavi twitched at such a comment, and froze.

"That Lucas guy, he really does care for you… He really loves you… doesn't he?" Lavi blinked, slightly surprised at such words said and began to blush. He pushed his head downwards to cover half of his face with his long locks to hide the blush.

"Lucas… had always been the only one who treats me really nice… He's the only one that really cares for me…"

"That's why you love him right?" Kanda asked, looking down at Lavi who was looking down and attempting to hide his face. Lavi twitched again, and Kanda could tell he was blushing more furiously.

"I… I…" Lavi tried to say something. Kanda then tried to move closer to Lavi to see his expression but the redhead, who noticed this, lifted up his hands to push Kanda away and accidentally pressed with a force on Kanda's wound, causing Kanda to groan softly in pain.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" Lavi exclaimed loudly and anxiously after hearing Kanda's groan. "Sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"Shh…" Kanda placed a finger on Lavi's lips before he could finish his sentence. "I'm all right, really."

Lavi then looked at the wound that was bandaged on Kanda's left shoulder. He then remembered the scene that Kanda saved him again, looked down once more, this time his red locks attempted to cover with his eye that was full of guilt and sorrow.

"Why?" Lavi asked, which Kanda could tell that the redhead was about to cry. "Why did you save me? Why did you go this far just to protect me? Y-You could have died!"

"Lavi…"

"Lucas… he'd done the same thing before," Lavi cried while shivering. "H-He just protected me, just like you, when the people started throwing things at me and he just covered me when someone tried hitting me with a metal pole. H-He got hit… on his shoulder and arm… his arm… was fractured… it took him months to recover… but… but…"

"Lavi, Lavi," Kanda held onto Lavi's hands to calm him down. "Relax. You got to cal-"

"He could have lost his arm! He could have been paralysed! He could have never be able to climb mountain again! Lucas… he… you… you and him could have…" Lavi had begun panicking and was panting heavily, his shivering intensified.

"You and Lucas… could have… and… it's… all… my… fault…" Lavi brought his shivering hands to hold onto his head as he remembered the horrible scenes of Lucas and Kanda saving him from the Norway citizens, from the _Akuma_. No, he didn't want this. He couldn't take it anymore. He just didn't want any more people getting hurt because of him. He didn't want to bring any more pain and suffering to anyone. He didn't want…

Suddenly, Lavi felt warm arms wrapping around him, and was pulled into a tight and warm embrace into Kanda.

"Wha-"

"It's not your fault," Kanda whispered with a gentle voice, one of his hands stroking the red hair.

"It's totally NOT your fault. NONE of this is your fault, right from the beginning."

Lavi froze upon hearing those words. His eye widened a bit, and tears started flowing from his eye. These were the words he had been wanting to hear since the day where all these chaotic mess began.

"Lavi…" Kanda said as he lifted the redhead's chin for Lavi to face him and use his hand to wipe away the tears on his eye and face. Lavi showed no resistance to the gentle touches, and Kanda hugged Lavi again soon after.

"It's NOT your fault," Kanda emphasised again, tightening the embrace to stop the shivering from the red-haired man he was holding. For the first time, he felt that Lavi was cold; different from the times he had hugged Lavi before where Lavi was warm and comforting.

Lavi, on the other hand, felt the embrace and the body of Kanda was warm and comforting, and upon hearing those words again, he hugged back and began to sob loudly in Kanda's arm, crying out all the pain, sadness and frustrations he had accumulated in his heart for a long time.

* * *

"Okay then _Nii-san_. _Jya ne_!" Lenalee hung up after talking to her brother Chief Komui, who was at the headquarters, on the phone which was connected to a golem. Reporting to the headquarters about their status on the mission became a necessity now that a Noah had appeared. Lenalee and Allen then went out of the telephone booth to walk around the busy streets.

"Are you sure it's all right Lenalee?" asked Allen to his Chinese _nakama_ with a worried tone.

"About what?" Lenalee replied.

"About Lavi. Is it really okay not to tell Komui-san about Lavi?" asked Allen, who had noticed that Lenalee had not mentioned a word about Lavi to Komui on the phone a few moments ago.

"You heard Kanda," Lenalee then spoke while continued walking. "He is giving Lavi the right to choose if he wants to regain his memories or not."

"But you of all people should know if the Order finds out Lavi is alive, they will do whatever they can to bring him back," Allen commented with a serious tone. "And what about Bookman? He will definitely try to get Lavi back when he knows his apprentice is still alive."

"But Allen," Lenalee replied, with a sad tone as she knew what her cursed _nakama_ said was correct. "Lavi can't possibly go back with us right now, not now without his memories. I'm afraid I agree with Kanda. Lavi may not be able to choose if he wants to go back to Bookman or the Order or not, but at least we should let him decide if he wants to regain his memories back or not."

"But Lenalee," Allen tried argued back. "If Lavi were to choose NOT to get back his memories, it means he doesn't want to return to the Order. If the Order were to find out about this then-"

"Please Allen-kun, don't tell anyone at the headquarters that Lavi is still alive yet, at least till we hear Lavi's decision regarding his memories," Lenalee interrupted.

Lenalee pleaded Allen with a sorrowful face, which Allen couldn't refuse. He was fully aware that no one other than Lenalee was able to understand the feeling of being forced to be separated from their loved ones just because they were compatible with an Innocence weapon.

"…All right," Allen replied, which brought a sincere smile to Lenalee's face.

"Thank you! Allen-kun!" Lenalee exclaimed and hugged Allen.

"But to be honest," Allen spoke after Lenalee released her embrace. "I'm surprised that Kanda is even allowing Lavi to choose. Usually he will say that the person, like it or not, have no choice but to come with us whenever we found an Innocence compatible user.

"Furthermore," Allen continued. "He's giving Lavi to choose if he wants to remember his past, especially his past with Kanda. Kanda should have known if Lavi were to choose not to, it will mean the end of their relationship isn't it?"

Lenalee paused her footsteps and showed a face with an obvious sad smile.

"I guess this goes to show how important and special Lavi is to Kanda isn't it?" Lenalee lowered her eyes, now full of sorrow and pain. "What about you, Allen-kun?"

"Huh?" Allen asked with a confused look.

"What will you do?" Lenalee had looked up and stared into the eyes of the white-haired teenager.

"Me?"

Lenalee nodded.

"I guess…" Allen answered slowly. "… I will let Lavi choose his path, whichever he wants."

Lenalee could tell it wasn't a lie, as Allen was staring back at her with eyes full of determination and honesty as he answered the question.

'That is so like Allen-kun,' thought Lenalee as both the exorcists continued their walk down the streets.

* * *

Kanda was back seeing the darkness.

But this time he found the light easily, and once again, more lights of different colour and brightness reflected from the inn room were revealed, again.

Kanda raised his hands up to shelter his eyes from the light, and opened his eyes slowly to get used to the bright surroundings. Once he was able to open his eyes fully, he felt another presence in his hand and looked down. There he saw Lavi, sitting down on the chair beside the bed, head resting on the bed Kanda was lying on, sleeping. His hand was holding on to Kanda's.

Kanda then turned his head to look at the window, where the orange sky had told him the sun is setting. He then turned back to look at his ex-lover's peaceful sleeping face. Kanda could tell that Lavi was really sleeping very peacefully, despite the slight red colour on his face proving he had cried earlier in that day. Kanda then began wondering how he got back into bed. He then remembered that after Lavi cried finished, he suddenly felt very sleepy, which Lavi said was probably due to the effects of the medicine he consumed. The redhead then laid him back onto the bed to rest well while his wounds started healing.

Kanda had thought that the redhead would try to stay away from him as far as possible seeing how afraid Lavi was towards him after scaring him in the forest when he found him chopping woods. This was why Kanda was really glad and happy when he saw Lavi being close to him and willing to stay with him while he was sleeping.

"_Baka usagi…_" Kanda whispered as he pulled and kissed the back of Lavi's hand.

"Nhm…" Lavi responded to the kiss.

"Sorry," Kanda said softly to Lavi, who was opening his eyes slowly. "Did I wake you up?"

"Hmm?" Lavi said tiredly as he straightened up. "Kanda-san?"

Kanda's hand on Lavi's twitched slightly after hearing Lavi calling him by his last name.

"Yuu."

"Huh?" Lavi blinked, confused.

"Call me that," Kanda replied, trying to get up, which he managed to thanks to Lavi's help. "That's what you called me before, remember?"

"Err… sorry that was just… err…" Lavi said, and Kanda could tell Lavi was nervous. He chuckled softly.

"It's all right, just called me Yuu. That's my first name. Not everyone can call me that though."

"But then… why me?" Lavi asked, still in the nervous tone.

"Because… you're special to me." Kanda proclaimed as his free hand cupped and caressed Lavi's face.

"Er… Yuu-san?" though hesitated, Lavi finally managed to say.

"Without 'san'" Kanda ordered softly, which Lavi hesitantly obeyed.

"Er… Yuu?"

"That's right," Kanda said as he smiled genuinely, and gripped Lavi's hand tighter, which slightly shocked Lavi, who looked down at the connected hands.

"Kan- I mean Yuu, I…"

Kanda placed a finger on Lavi's lips before he could finish.

"It's all right," Kanda exclaimed softly. "I promise that I'm not going to do anything else, if that's what you're worried and nervous about." Kanda then rested his head on Lavi's shoulder.

"Just for a while is all I asked…" Kanda requested, which Lavi followed and showed no resistance this time. It was his turn to comfort him after all after what happened just now.

However, after feeling that a lot of time had passed, seeing that the sun had set and night had descended, Lavi began to feel nervous again as Kanda still had not showed any sign to get up and release his hand. He tried saying something that would distract the Japanese swordsman.

"Err…" Lavi talked as politely as possible. "Do you want water or something to drink? How about some food? You must be hungry right? I think there are some food I can get you from there…" Lavi attempted to get up and move away but was held firmly by Kanda on his hand.

"It's all right…" Kanda said, still firmly held onto Lavi's hand, preventing him from running away.

"But…"

"Just stay." Kanda said. "… Please…"

Lavi was still standing up, being hesitant about Kanda's words and request. Kanda chuckled though, as Lavi's action reminded him of something memorable…

"You know," Kanda finally spoke. "This scene reminds me of a scene we shared that day…"

"That day?" Lavi asked with a face confused.

"The day we confessed to each other," Kanda said while smiling and looking at their hands that were holding to each other.

"Huh?" Lavi was more confused. Kanda then started explaining, hoping it would help the redhead remember something.

"You always tried to avoid me, prevent yourself from getting closer to me when you realised your feelings for me… Until that day where I had saved your life during a mission, where I got injured pretty badly."

"Something like this?" Lavi asked, pointing to the wound on Kanda's left shoulder.

"Not as worse as this," Kanda replied, his hand on his bandaged shoulder where his wound was. "But I was unconscious for a day. You tried treating me with all the first-aid you have learned as a Bookman successor and stayed with me, just like what you did today."

"That's because I promised Lucas that I will stay," Lavi argued defensively, hoping Kanda would understand and not get any strange ideas. Sure he could feel himself liking this Japanese exorcist more, but what kind of feelings it was developing, he wasn't so sure…

"That's good enough for me," Kanda said while he looked up to stare into Lavi's green eye. "You staying here with me is good enough for me. So please… don't go away… just like last time…"

"Last time?"

"You tried walking away with all sorts of excuses when you saw me gain consciousness that day, just like just now. I tried pulling you back but still you refused to stay and managed to walk away… no matter how much I had called for you…"

Kanda said those words with a pained expression, which Lavi noticed and for some reason it hurt him seeing the expression on Kanda's face that was full of nothing but pain, misery, despair and regrets.

"I-I won't run away," Lavi told Kanda, hoping it would make the raven-haired young man feel better. "I promised I would stay so I will."

"Oh god," Kanda sighed out in relief while pulling Lavi gently towards him to hug him again. Kanda buried his face onto Lavi's shoulder while his arms wrapped around Lavi's waist. "Thank you… Lavi…"

"Wait… I…"

"And don't worry," Kanda could sense the nervousness from the redhead again. "I promised I would not do anything else so I will. Besides, you're too scared of me for me to do anything else…"

Lavi was slightly surprised at Kanda's words. Scared? It wasn't true. He wasn't scared. Rather than being afraid of Kanda, he was more likely… confused. He could feel the warmth from Kanda that no one was able to give him. He could feel the sense of security from Kanda that no one was able to assure him. He could feel comfortable when he was with Kanda. He could feel he could be himself when he was with Kanda. And most importantly, he could feel safe when he was with Kanda.

Kanda then began to stroke Lavi's red hair, which reminded the redhead of the times where Lucas did the same thing to him. It was then Lavi realised that Kanda's stroke on his hair felt something more… different. It was more… warmer and most importantly… reassuring. The sense of security and trust was the feeling that Lavi realised, no matter how much the Norwegian mountaineer comforted him, assured him or touched him gently; he couldn't find it in Lucas. But instead, he found it in this raven-haired stranger, who claimed that he knew him and were very close to him in the past, the past that he couldn't remembered no matter how much he tried.

Unable to resist the feeling of security and comfort that assured him safety and warmth, Lavi raised his arms and hugged back at Kanda.

Silence followed, but was soon broken by sounds of explosion that were caused by fireworks outside.

"Fireworks?" Kanda pulled back from Lavi and looked out at the window to be mesmerised by the bright and beautiful colours revealed outside.

"Probably a festival has started…" Lavi too, was captivated by the beautiful mixture of colours in the night sky.

"Festival?" Kanda raised an eye brow and looked at Lavi. "Another festival?"

"Probably caused the previous one was stopped abruptly due to the explosions," Lavi explained.

"I see…" Kanda said as he stood up from the bed, and walked towards the table that had his exorcist coat and Mugen on it.

"Where're you going?" Lavi asked, knowing that it was still best that Kanda continued resting.

"There's a chance that _Akumas_ come to attack the city now that there's a lot of people gathering due to the festival. I need to be there."

"But Allen-san and Lenalee-san said you must rest, there's no need for you to go because there are there already," Lavi explained while trying to stop the Japanese exorcist.

"Sorry but I have to go," Kanda said to Lavi determinedly. "Especially after knowing a Noah is here."

"Noah?" Lavi raised his eye brows. "You mean the lady in gray skin?"

"Yeah…" Kanda said as he wore his coat, positioned his Mugen on his waist and walked towards Lavi and reached out a hand to the redhead. "Do you want to come along?"

"Huh?" Lavi blinked at the question, surprised and puzzled. "But I can't, I promised Lucas I will stay." Lavi then looked down at his feet to cover his face.

"Besides, I…"

Kanda could sense Lavi's worries, and knew the reason why.

"No one will hurt you," Kanda said reassuringly to Lavi. "I will protect you, I promised."

"But that's why I don't-"

"And I will not get hurt either," Kanda exclaimed without waiting for Lavi to finish his sentence. "Come on, in case you didn't know, but you are the Noah's target right now so there's no fucking way I'm leaving you alone. So, you have to come along."

"But…"

"No buts," Kanda retorted and reached out a hand towards Lavi again. Lavi stared at the hand and hesitantly accepted it. Kanda then pulled the redhead up.

"Don't worry," Kanda assured Lavi as he squeezed the shivering hand. "You and I are BOTH going to go to the festival and coming back here, safe and sound."

Lavi could feel the warmth and sense of security from the Japanese man again. He then hesitantly nodded in understanding, and he and Kanda made their way out and left the inn room.

To Be Continued…

_so so so? what do you think? _

_i think the atmosphere is really nice~~~ dun you think so? =D_

_anyway, as usual, PLEASE REVIEW! _

_i know u guys love my story when u put in alert and fave, but still to me i love nothing more but reviews, reviews and more reviews!_

_so please continuing reviewing kk?_

_it will make my day =DDD_

_ok till next time then, jya ne~~~_

_August-chan_


	13. the Wavering and Familiar Emotions

_yo people! august-chan here with the 13th chapter of MaE!_

_1st, would like to thank you all for reading my story, showing you support through faves, alerts and reviews, and also for your understanding and patience in my lateness of the updates._

_Sorry was really busy with tests these 2 weeks. so really appreciate for all understanding and patience! =DDD_

_2nd, would like to take the opportunity here to promote my 3rd fanfic, 'My World Is Never Complete Without You'. Angst plus lucky pairings! just a warning. if you cant handle high level of angst and rape, don't even bother taking a look. just continue enjoy MaE here i'm already overjoyed =]]]_

_Last, as usual, would ask you refer to disclaimers and warnings but got too lazy now (its 3am btw) so just refer to the previous chapters for it._

_ok then, sorry for the long-winded speech_

_Enjoy~~~_

**Chapter 13 – Lavi's Confusion 2 : the ****Wavering and Familiar Emotions**

"_But…"_

"_No buts," Kanda retorted and reached out a hand towards Lavi again. Lavi stared at the hand and hesitantly accepted it. Kanda then pulled the redhead up. _

"_Don't worry," Kanda assured Lavi as he squeezed the shivering hand. "You and I are BOTH going to go to the festival and coming back here, safe and sound."_

_Lavi could feel the warmth and sense of security from the Japanese man again. He then hesitantly nodded in understanding, and he and Kanda made their way out and left the inn room._

"Thanks," Lavi thanked Kanda after Kanda offered him a seafood sandwich he just bought for the both of them. Lavi accepted the food and began eating slowly, with his head being lowered, face covered by the hood he was wearing to hide his face and hair. He was especially afraid and nervous since he and Kanda were standing in the busy streets where there are crowds of people, where the chances of him being spotted were getting high.

Kanda noticed that Lavi was eating his food at a snail pace. He tried to calm his nerves.

"Calm down," Kanda told Lavi. "No one is going to spot you so easily."

"But I-" Lavi was interrupted by a sudden bump onto his back by a boy, and Lavi lost his balance. He closed his eye and was about to fall to the ground, but Kanda managed to catch and support him from behind. However, Lavi had dropped his food to the ground; and the worst, his hood dropped, revealing his red hair to the crowds of people around him.

"T-Thanks…" Lavi thanked Kanda again as he stood up.

"Hey!" one of the people shouted across. "Red hair!"

Lavi gasped at the mention of his red hair loudly and quickly put back his hood; but too late, most of the people in the surroundings had seen it, and had begun pointing fingers and mumbling with a shock tone.

"Red hair? You don't mean…?" Lavi and Kanda could hear one of the ladies nearby saying.

"The Devil's Son?" a man shouted shockingly across the streets.

Everyone on the streets froze, and stared hard at Lavi and Kanda. Lavi, holding on to his hood tightly, didn't dare to turn and face the people on the streets for the fear of trouble. Kanda on the other hand narrowed his eyes and gave a murderous glare towards the people, which was broken when the Japanese exorcist could feel Lavi started trembling in terror.

Lavi was terrified. He was going to get caught for walking in the town even though he wasn't allowed. He is going to get thrown out by the people again, and worst of all the townspeople may get violent and start attacking him and Kanda, and Kanda is going to get hurt, just like Lucas, and it was his entire fault.

"Hey you there!" just as a woman was about to walk up to Lavi to talk to him, Lavi was suddenly pulled back with a hold on one of his arm, and his head was turned back by a hand to receive a kiss from Kanda. Lavi's eye widened in surprise when his lips came into contact with Kanda's.

Gasps could hear from the people in the surroundings. Comments like 'what the hell?', 'Shameless!', and people were beginning to turn to walk away and parents were covering their children's eyes and walking away quickly. Kanda opened his eyes soon after, lips still on Lavi, to observe the situation. Sure enough, there were fewer people looking at him at Lavi's, but those who were still looking either had their jaws dropped or their faces blushing. Kanda then smirked, spun Lavi's body around to face him and gave him a tight embrace. He then finally broke the kiss, while Lavi blushing and panting as a result. Kanda then sent his murderous glare again back to the people still watching.

Noticing and feeling the murderous intent, the people dispersed, some in shock while some in disgust. Guess gay couples kissing in the streets was an uncommon thing in Norway.

"See?" Kanda smiled when everyone stopped looking, and looked at Lavi. "It's all right, isn't it?"

Lavi, face heavily in red, nodded.

Kanda then realized Lavi's food was on the ground, apparently crushed by people stepping on it. Kanda immediately offered his food to Lavi.

"But aren't you hungry?" Lavi asked when he noticed the food offered to him.

"I'm all right," Kanda replied. "You've got to eat."

"But you too, since you didn't eat anything for two days."

"Just take it," Kanda growled in irritation, trying to show that it's useless arguing with him on the matter.

Lavi then stayed silent in thoughts for a while, and then took the sandwich from Kanda. He then split the sandwich into two pieces in almost equal size, and offered one to Kanda.

"Maybe we could share?" asked Lavi politely to the Japanese exorcist.

Seeing such actions full of concern and sincerity from Lavi, Kanda showed a light smile as he accepted the food from Lavi.

"All right, thanks," Kanda said as he and Lavi started eating and enjoying their sandwich.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in the inn room, Lucas was beginning to panic when he saw no one was in the room.

'Damn it, where is Rufus? It was far too dangerous for him to go out into the streets.'

Lucas then sat down on the bed and tried to calm down, but find it extremely difficult without knowing where his red-haired lover is and whether he is safe or not. He also noticed that the Japanese exorcist had also disappeared.

'Could it be that Kanda had taken Rufus to the streets?'

Lucas grumbled at the thought, and immediately went out of the inn to the streets to look for the redhead.

However, after walking and searching for several minutes, he still couldn't find Rufus and he began to panic again. He had run around almost all the streets but still couldn't find him. 'Damn! Where could Rufus be?' Lucas thought and cursed himself while panting after he stopped running through the street he was currently at. He tried thinking of places the redhead could have gone to. He seemed to almost be able to think of a place but his train of thoughts was soon broken by a voice he knew.

"Lucas?" the said person turned around to see a woman in her late twenties with a long hair tied to a bun with a color same as his hair, wearing a branded floral dress and hat.

"Tina," Lucas slapped his forehead when he identified the person.

"Now what kind of reaction is that?" asked the woman, hands on her hips, slightly disappointed at the reaction of the Norwegian mountaineer. "Aren't you happy to see your elder sister again?"

"Oh I feel SO great seeing you again sister," cried Lucas sarcastically. Not wanting to argue with his sister and putting finding Rufus as his first priority, he turned around to continue walking down the streets to continue his search.

"Are you still with that redhead devil's bastard?" asked Tina which the words managed to stop Lucas from advancing. Lucas turned back to glare coldly at his sister.

"Watch your mouth Tina," Lucas warned with a heavy murderous intent. "I'm in a terrible mood right now and I don't think I will show any mercy to anyone who makes me angry. Not even you, Tina."

Despite being able to feel the murderous intent, Tina did not waver under the pressure and continued speaking.

"Mother has been demanding you to go home, but you have been refusing her, because of that redhead bastard. Come on Lucas! You should have known right from the beginning your relationship with that thing is impossible! So why not throw him away and come back with us?" Tina exclaimed loudly towards Lucas. Lucas responded by walking up to his sister and stared at her with eyes heavy with anger and a more heavy murderous intent.

"DON'T you dare called him like this. Rufus is NOT a thing. He is a person just like you and me." Lucas warned Tina again, anyone could tell Lucas was extremely furious.

"And don't you dare put me in the same group as that THING," Tina glared back at her brother, emphasized on the word 'thing' even more. She too was furious as her brother had downgraded her to be compare with a certain redhead which she referred as either a 'thing' or a 'bastard'.

Upon hearing those words from his sister, Lucas raised one of his hands and slapped his sister on her face, hard. Tina's face was pushed to the side by the force of the slap, and she put her hand onto the reddening side of the face that was slapped.

"How could you…" Tina turned back to face Lucas, her eyes were beginning to get wet. "You're actually hitting me… for that devil's bastard!" Tina screamed in anger.

"For the last time," Lucas shouted back. "Rufus is NOT a devil's bastard! Nor he is a thing!"

The siblings' eyes were then locked in a glare, but after a moment Lucas turned around again to continue walking.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tina screamed towards Lucas who was walking away.

"None of your business," Lucas retorted without turning back to look at Tina.

"If you're looking for that devil's bastard he is not there," those words from Tina were enough for Lucas to spin around to look at his sister at her eyes.

"How the fuck do you know?" Lucas asked rudely to his sister.

"That's because I saw him minutes ago," Tina answered, with her arms crossed. "With a handsome guy with a long black hair tied up to a high ponytail and wearing a long coat."

Lucas stared hard suspiciously at Tina, who was walking up towards her brother. A smirk was then seen on her face. Anyone could tell it was directed to her brother.

"And they were kissing in public when I was about to go up and talk to the redhead, lips to lips, so closely and intimately."

Lucas's eyes were widened in surprise for a while upon hearing those words, but he quickly narrowed them to give a cold glare to Tina.

"Where did they go?" Lucas demanded from his sister, who responded by pointing towards a part of the streets, indicating they went that direction. Lucas then immediately darted towards the direction his sister pointed to.

When she saw her brother was out of sight, she then took out her phone and dialed a number. Seconds passed after she placed the phone on her ears, and someone answered on the other side of the phone.

"Hello Chief," Tina spoke after the person at the other side greeted her. "I'm afraid to say that the 'devil' has come back to town." She smiled evilly as she said those words.

* * *

Kanda was now sitting down on one of the two benches of the first row, in a large room where there are two columns of benches in front of a large cross.

Lavi was squatting in front of a line of lighted candles facing the large cross, both hands locking each other and eyes closed, praying.

"How long are you going to stay like this?" Kanda asked impatiently to Lavi, who kept quiet. Kanda grumbled for a while, and stayed silent again seeing that Lavi was going to ignore him until he was done with his prayers.

Time seemed to have passed slowly for Kanda, and staying there even for a second made him feel he was there for hours. He was about to fall asleep when Lavi went up to him saying he was done.

"Sorry it took so long," Lavi apologized seeing that Kanda was pretty irritated for waiting for him for such a long time. (Actually about one hour had passed)

"I didn't think you will believe in praying to God," Kanda commented when Lavi apologized.

"Well, I thought that if I prayed to Him, He might forgive me…" Lavi mumbled softly to himself, but Kanda could mange to hear him.

"Forgive you for what?" Kanda raised an eyebrow looking at Lavi while asking.

"Well… I…Er…" Lavi hesitantly replied while clutching with his hand an area on the chest where the heart was situated. "I'm sure you've already heard from the townspeople or at least from Lucas that I'm the 'devil's son'."

"And?" Kanda's eyebrow still raised.

"I thought… that even if for a while, if I prayed to God, even if it's just a little,

I might be forgiven." Lavi said as he lowered his head, eye being covered by his locks, and looked at his feet. He then looked up to face Kanda. "Also…"

"What?" Kanda narrowed his eyes this time, and then Lavi lowered his head again.

"I thought I could ask Him… to… eh… protect you and bless you of your health and body…"

Kanda's eyes widened and mouth opened slightly in surprise. Sure he expected Lavi to be thinking of the safety of the town and his Norwegian Lover, and probably something about his title given to him as the 'Son of the Devil'. But he didn't expect this. He didn't expect Lavi to be thinking of and concerning for him during his prayers to God, asking not for his own protection and safety, but for the protection and safety of the person who just saved his life, though he had no memories of the person. To Kanda, it was a sign telling him that Lavi was beginning to think of him someone important to him, someone worth protecting even though he was scared of him in the beginning. To Kanda, it was a wonderful sign indicating that Lavi had accepted him into his world of confusion and fear due to his memory loss, and misery, pain and sadness due to people around him getting hurt, and he was blaming himself for it.

Lavi had accepted him, even without the memories of their past together. No one had any idea how elated Kanda was thinking of this news.

"I'm sorry if you don't like it that I thought if such stuff selfishly on my own," Lavi quickly said he moved his arms up, hands to hold on to his head. He expectedly the Japanese man to scold him stupid or idiot or hit him or something but instead he was brought into a warm embrace by Kanda.

"_Baka usagi_," whispered Kanda. Okay, at least Lavi guessed right about this. But Kanda was smiling.

Feeling the warm and secured embrace again, Lavi hugged back, only to break apart after the two hugged for a minute or two.

"Wait a minute," Lavi cried after he broke apart from Kanda's embrace. "What time is it?"

"Hmm…" Kanda said, and he then walked out of the church, which Lavi followed, looking around their surroundings when they were at the entrance. He then spotted a large clock nearby. "11.29p.m…. Why?"

"Oh no," Lavi exclaimed softly as he slapped his forehead. He then pulled the raven haired exorcists by holding his hand and sprinted to a direction. Kanda just looked at Lavi with a puzzled look as they ran.

"Wha-"

"Just follow me!" Lavi shouted as he continued running, with Kanda behind pulled by him.

* * *

After running for about ten to fifteen minutes, Lavi finally stopped at an isolated area by the sea, where Kanda assumed it was a beach and no one could be found. Both Kanda and Lavi first stopped to catch their breath, and when Kanda was just about to ask Lavi why did he drag him to such a dark and cold place where there was not much light, Lavi walked away nearer to the sea, which Kanda followed.

"Lavi, just what-" Kanda tried to ask Lavi who was in front of him, standing just on the area covered with snow above the waves caused by the sea.

"Shh…" Lavi whispered to Kanda to interrupt him, and looked up to the sky. Seeing that Lavi had been staring at the sky for some time, Kanda also soon followed Lavi and looked up. Seeing what was Lavi staring at the sky, Kanda's eyes widened to the full at the sight, mouth opened slightly in awe.

Looking up, a green glow of light wave could be seen glowing brightly and beautiful in the night sky, magnificent and breathtaking in sight. Kanda was caught in awe as he captivated himself at the beautiful sight, mesmerized in the pretty mixture of green and black light of the light waves and the night sky, perfectly blended and matched up into the color of each other.

"Well?" Lavi asked, looking up and his left green eye stood still, unwilling to break apart his sight with the wonderful sight before him. "It's beautiful isn't it?"

"What is this?" Kanda asked as he walked up to stand beside Lavi. But just like Lavi, his eyes were stuck to the magnificent, outstanding green color in the night sky.

"It's called the Northern Lights, or to be more accurate, the Aurora Borealis," Lavi explained. "Tromsø is only one of the few towns in the world to be able to see such a phenomenon, and one of the best places to see too." Lavi continued to explain, this time looking down at Kanda with a bright smile on his face.

"Lavi…" Kanda blinked, and then looked down at Lavi.

"I wanted to show you this, ever since last night, where I managed to catch a glimpse of it from the window of the inn room. But Lucas said I couldn't go out so…" Lavi commented on the last sentence while lowering his face slightly, looking down with a slightly sad face. Kanda noticed it.

"Thank you," Kanda said it softly as he looked up at the aurora lights again. "It's beautiful." Lavi lifted his head back to the straight up position with those words of gratitude, staring up at the face of Kanda, who was locking his eyes with the sight above him, as if he wanted to remember every single detail of his newly discovered beautiful sight in front of him.

After watching the sky for a several seconds, Kanda realized that Lavi had been staring at him and looked down towards the direction where Lavi was standing, this time locking his eyes with the single left green eye belonging to the redhead for a few seconds before the lock was broken by the redhead suddenly when Lavi realized that he had been staring rudely at Kanda's face without knowing it. Lavi looked down at the ground, with his face blushing.

"Lavi?" Kanda called out to Lavi with a voice of concern, when he realized that the redhead was trying to avoid looking straight into his eyes. "What's wrong?" Kanda asked while trying to get close to Lavi, who only keep backing away, attempting to use his hands to cover his face to hide his blush. Soon after, Lavi accidentally tripped something from behind his foot and fell down to the snowy ground, landing on his arse. Lavi groaned softly in pain.

"Are you all right?" Kanda asked as he quickly went closer to Lavi to help him up.

Lavi thanked Kanda as Kanda helped him get up, but quickly lightly pushed him away with his hands on Kanda's chest when he realized he was touched and being very close to the Japanese exorcist. Lavi also quickly lowered his head to avoid seeing Kanda's face and eyes. Both men paused at the current position where Kanda was standing still in front of Lavi one arm length away, where Lavi had his hands still on Kanda's chest. It seemed Lavi was not making the effort to push Kanda away further.

"Lavi, what's wrong?" Kanda asked with a puzzled look on his face. Lavi shook his head in response. He was still refusing to look at Kanda in the eyes. "Lavi, please tell me what is wrong? Why did you suddenly refuse to look at me face to face, when you were obviously staring at me just now when I was gazing at the Northern Lights?"

Again, Lavi shook his head in response. Kanda was getting pretty impatient and irritated.

"Damn it Lavi!" Kanda exclaimed loudly as he moved his hands up to cup Lavi's face and lift the redhead's head up to face him with a little force. Kanda was slightly taken aback by surprise when he saw Lavi blushing furiously, face reddened to the color that was similar to his hair. Kanda released his light grip on the redhead slightly, which was enough for Lavi to lower his head to look at the ground again.

"Lavi…" Kanda cried out softly.

"Please… don't ask… I… I…" Lavi was shaking his head again as he slightly bent his arms, slightly closing the gap between them. Kanda then realized something. He could sense nervousness and confusion in Lavi's voice when Lavi spoke to him. But he didn't know the reasons for his uneasiness in Lavi.

"Lavi, what's wrong?" Kanda asked softly and gently this time, as he moved one of his hand up to place on one of Lavi's on his chest. He then placed his the other hand on Lavi's chin to lift his face to see his face again, and then Kanda cupped Lavi's face gently this time, which the hand then gently stroked the face. "It's all right. Just say it. Nothing bad is going to happen."

Lavi's eye was staring at Kanda's eyes again, and his uneasiness began to lighten up as he felt the warmth and sense of security from Kanda's dark eyes, gentle touch and his words when Kanda assured him. There was it again, the soothing touch that made him feel comfortable, the reassuring voice that made him feel safe and secured, and the dark eyes full of warmth, care and determination that made him feel his heart, frozen in fear and sadness, melted by the warmth received. Lavi found himself unable to resist the Japanese exorcist's attempt to be closer to him.

"Y-Yuu…" Lavi cried out the name softly while leaning to his touches on his face. He then brought up his free hand to hold onto the hand on his face and closed his eye after that.

"Why…" Lavi began speaking. "Why does it feel… so… right?"

"Lavi?" Kanda looked at Lavi with a puzzled face.

"Your face. Your eyes. Your voice. Your touches. Why do they feel so warm, so comfortable and so… right? Once I felt them all, I couldn't help but wanting to feel them again. Why? I always thought Lucas was the only one who could gave me those feelings… But why… you… too… and it was so much different from Lucas…"

"How different?" Kanda asked softly to the redhead, who was slightly taken aback by the interruption.

"Well…" Lavi hesitated before he answered. "Your hands, they feel… softer and gentler, making me more comfortable… Your voice, they made me feel safer and more secured… as if it's telling me it's okay to believe in you… and your face and eyes…" Lavi looked up to Kanda's eyes before continuing.

"I don't know why but just now… I was… kind of… captivated by the genuine and sincere smile shown on your face when you were looking at the lights… and your hair… gives a really beautiful glow of midnight colour when shone under the moonlight… Makes me… want… to touch it…" Lavi blushed furiously as he said those last few words, and he slightly lowered his head again to avoid looking at Kanda's eyes.

Kanda, on the other hand, remembered a scene in the past where Lavi said something memorable upon hearing those words. It was the scene after their first night.

_****Flashback****_

"You know what, Yuu?" Lavi said as he used one hand to support his head by placing it under his chin, elbow resting on the bed, while his the other hand was playing with Kanda's bangs. "I really loved your hair, and I especially loved touching it…"

Kanda then opened his eyes, held on to the hand playing with his hair, and pulled Lavi into an embrace, causing Lavi to gasp softly. Kanda's was head resting on Lavi's hair. He then kissed Lavi's hair. "Yours are really nice too."

Lavi smiled and hugged back, resting his forehead on his lover's bare chest. His hand then started playing Kanda's hair hanging at his back…

"I want to forever touch your hair like this, can I?" Lavi asked softly to his lover.

"Only if you let me touch yours, forever as well," Kanda replied as he buried his face into Lavi's hair. He loved the smell and the feel of Lavi's hair. He had always wanted to feel and wondered what it was like to be able to rest your face on those beautiful red strands of hair. Tonight, his wish had come true.

"Yuu…" Lavi called out to his lover as he finally fell asleep with a peaceful and secured face, enjoying the warm embrace with his lover.

"_Baka usagi…_" Kanda said as he kissed his lover on his hair again before falling asleep as well.

_****End of flashback****_

Kanda smiled as he remembered that night. He was then brought back to reality by Lavi's questions again.

"Why…" Lavi questioned. "Why… does being with you… being so close to you… makes me feels… so… comfortable and happy… so… right… and so… familiar?" Lavi looked up at Kanda upon saying the last word, with a troubled look on his face. Kanda also responded to the last word from Lavi by gasping softly, eyes widening a bit by half shock and half surprise.

"Why?" Lavi asked with his eye full of confusion and worries. "Why is it like this?"

Kanda stared at Lavi, eyes still widened slightly for a while. But soon after, Kanda narrowed his eyes, and moved his hands to Lavi's arms to pull Lavi closer. Lavi softly gasped in surprise as he was pulled towards Kanda, and the next thing he knew his and Kanda's face were so close that their nose were only mere centimeters apart.

"Lavi…" Kanda cried softly as he locked his gaze with Lavi's eye, which Lavi shifted his face slightly to meet the gaze. After staring into each other's eyes full of warmth and care for mere seconds, Kanda moved his face closer towards Lavi's. Lavi noticed this, but did not back away. Instead, he slowly closed his eye as Kanda came closer, showing no resistance towards what Kanda was about to do... which he knew fully what it was…

Both men's eyes were finally closed as their lips finally met and connected with each other, receiving the warmth and love they both desired and needed from the other…

To Be Continued…

_O.M.G!_

_what do u think? what do you think?_

_shitz, i need reviews for this chapter man. need them so much that im willing to bite anyone's head off for being too lazy to do that._

_so DO REVIEW if YOU WANT YOUR HEAD UNTOUCHED XD_

_so plz plz plz plz review? thx thx thx =DDD_

_ok august-chan will go work on chapter 14..._

_so watch out for it! =DD_

_till then jya ne~~~_

_august-chan_


	14. Trust, Sacrifice and Understanding

_Yo yo yo people!_

_What's up man! XD _

_finally here's chapter 14 of MaE! _

_sorry sorry sorry sorry that it took soooooo longggggg for me to update. Was having my exams so it was hard for me to find time to write up =[_

_but thanks a lot for all the reviews and support when I wasn't around! August-chan loves you all! =DDD_

_before you start reading, please read the following:-_

_(havent done this for so long, almost forgot XD)_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst _

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT **__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Gore, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

_note: Changed all my line breaks to __****Break****_

_ok! without further ado, enjoy~!_

**Chapter 14 – Lavi's Resolve : Trust, Sacrifice and Understanding**

_Kanda stared at Lavi, eyes still widened slightly for a while. But soon after, Kanda narrowed his eyes, and moved his hands to Lavi's arms to pull Lavi closer. Lavi softly gasped in surprise as he was pulled towards Kanda, and the next thing he knew his and Kanda's face were so close that their nose were only mere centimeters apart._

"_Lavi…" Kanda cried softly as he locked his gaze with Lavi's eye, which Lavi shifted his face slightly to meet the gaze. After staring into each other's eyes full of warmth and care for mere seconds, Kanda moved his face closer towards Lavi's. Lavi noticed this, but did not back away. Instead, he slowly closed his eye as Kanda came closer, showing no resistance towards what Kanda was about to do... which he knew fully what it was… _

_Both men's eyes were finally closed as their lips finally met and connected with each other, receiving the warmth and love they both desired and needed from the other…_

Finally, he found them. The familiar warmth that he always melted into upon receiving from Lavi. The familiar soothing comfort he always relaxed into upon receiving it from Lavi. Finally, Kanda had found the feelings of comforting warmth, care and love from the person he loved the most, which he always craved for more but was forcefully withdrawn from him two years ago.

He thought he had lost those feelings forever, but now, no one has any idea how elated Kanda was when he finally found and seen the miracle he longed for and needed for the past two years.

Lavi melted into the heat through their connected lips, his hands on Kanda's upper arms gripped more tightly on the sleeves.

When he felt the tightening grip, Kanda slanted the kiss as he tilted his head. His tongue then gently licked Lavi's lower lip, asking for the permission to enter. Lavi showed no resistance and rejection as he parted his lips slowly, allowing access to Kanda's tongue and to do whatever he wants.

Lavi moaned quietly as he felt Kanda's hot tongue exploring and touching every part of his mouth gently and lovingly; his grip on Kanda's arms further tightened. The next thing he knew, Kanda had moved his hands down to his hips to pull him closer slowly and gently to a warm and loving embrace. Lavi responded by releasing his grip on Kanda's arm and wrapped his arms around Kanda's neck, deepening the gentle kiss he and Kanda were sharing.

After several seconds, Kanda gently broke the kiss apart. Both he and Lavi began panting softly while Lavi was blushing profusely. Kanda managed to catch his breathe faster.

"Lavi…" Kanda cried while cupping Lavi's face with a hand, stroking his cheek gently. He then moved his hand to run his fingers through Lavi's red hair, which had lengthened till Lavi's shoulder, indicating that Lavi had not cut his hair for the past two years. However, the feel of Lavi's hair was still the same as two years ago, which Kanda always loved it. He then used his hand to catch some hair strands from Lavi's lengthened hair, and moved forward to kiss them where his face was nearer to Lavi's.

Lavi blushed further when Kanda kissed his hair. He opened his mouth to try to say something, but no words were able to leave his mouth. He didn't know what he could say at the moment. The next thing he knew, Kanda had moved back to face him again. Seeing Lavi's face, Kanda then remembered the conversation they had in the train on their way to the last mission they had two years ago, the mission that resulted in Lavi's sacrifice. He remembered the words that proved Lavi's desire for him to be able to express his feelings for Lavi not only in his actions, but in his words as well…

"_I love you, Yuu. But I want you to be able to tell me too."_

Mentally hearing those words in his mind, Kanda cupped Lavi's face again and smiled.

"Lavi," Kanda paused for a while before continuing. Lavi stared hard at Kanda's dark eyes, attracted and absorbed into the feelings of love and security in Kanda's eyes. They say that the eyes are windows to a person's soul. If that was the truth, then Lavi had no doubt had himself captivated by the warmth, love and kindness in the soul of Kanda Yuu.

"Lavi, I lov-"

"Rufus?" a voice from behind suddenly came to interrupt what Kanda was about to say.

"L-L-Lucas?" Lavi gasped softly and stuttered before quickly freed himself from Kanda and broke them apart. Lucas was staring at them with eyes full of mixed emotions which Lavi couldn't tell what his Norwegian lover was thinking and feeling. Kanda, in order not to cause any trouble for Lavi, did not turned back or say anything to Lucas. Lavi could only opened his mouth to say something but could not find the right words. Silence followed between the three.

Lavi quickly tried to say something to break the awkward silence.

"L-Lucas, I-I-"

However, as soon as Lavi started speaking, Lavi felt a hand on his wrist to pull him away from his position. Lucas began to quickly try to walk away.

"L-Lucas, wha-"

"Just follow me," Lucas said, which Lavi could tell it was an order. It means there was definitely something wrong going on as Lucas rarely ordered Lavi to do anything only if it was for his safety.

Kanda, who got annoyed for being ignored while Lavi being pulled away from him, grabbed the Norwegian's arm that was pulling Lavi to stop him from advancing.

"Where do you you're taking Lavi to?" Kanda growled in anger. However, Lucas remained calm even before Kanda's cold glare.

"Sorry," Lucas replied, hand still on Lavi. "No time to explain." Lucas then turned back to face Lavi.

"Tina knows you're here."

Lavi gasped upon hearing the name, his single eye widened, and Kanda could see fear and panic in the redhead's face. Kanda was about to pry further about what was going on but his words were interrupted, again for the day.

"THERE HE IS!" shouted someone from behind the trio, causing them to immediately turned back to face the source of the sound.

Kanda was slightly taken aback by what he saw. Standing before the trio was a crowd of people, being led by two people, one a woman and the other one a man who seems to be wearing the Norway Police uniform.

Lavi, on the other hand, was shocked at the sight of the crowd; panic began to show in his face as he quickly pulled himself away from Lucas and quickly put on his hood to hide his red hair. His hands were trembling.

"Shit," Kanda cursed when he noticed this and realized the problem. He then realized that the Norwegian mountaineer was glaring at the crowd, or, specifically, at the woman, who looked slightly surprised at the Norwegian's presence.

"Lucas?" the woman spoke. "Why are you here?"

"Because," Lucas paused slightly to glare at her more coldly. "You're my sister. I already know all your tricks, including trying to get me away from Rufus by guiding me the wrong and opposite direction while you called the police chief here to guide the people to go get Rufus who won't be able to get any protection from me."

The woman's eyes widened slightly at that comment, but soon narrowed.

"Well then, since you knew so much already, mind standing aside and let us punish this... thing for breaking his promise?"

Lucas crossed his arms at the comment and glared at his sister.

"No," he replied firmly. "And I thought I already told you. Rufus is NOT a thing."

"Please... Mister Lucas," the man beside Tina spoke. "Please stay out of our way this time. We do not wish to hurt you."

"Then piss off!" Lucas was yelling this time, and the whole group was silenced by the sudden increase in volume and anger in Lucas' voice. "I will not forgive those who dared to hurt Rufus. So back off and go home before I do anything as the next mayor in line for this town."

Gasps could be heard from the group, while Kanda's jaw dropped upon hearing that comment from the Norwegian mountaineer.

Mayor? Lucas was the next mayor in line for Tromso? In other words...

"Ignore him everyone!" Tina suddenly shouted to the people behind her to break their confusion and hesitation. "Chasing away the redhead is the order of the CURRENT mayor and his beloved wife. So in terms of whose orders has a higher priority, our father's one overrides yours, little brother."

"Tina, you-"

"Well I'm SORRY, little brother," anyone could tell Tina was being sarcastic. "Father and mother's orders so if you wanna blame someone blame them. Though I think it's partly YOUR fault for refusing to come home because of that thing."

Once again, upon hearing his sister calling the redhead a 'thing', Lucas raised his hand with an attempt to slap his sister, but was soon stopped by a pair of arms. Lucas turned back with a confused expression.

"... Rufus?" the redhead shook his head in response, which only made Lucas even more confused. "Rufus... you should know she deserve it more than anyone."

Again, the redhead shook his head. He then turned back to look at the crowd.

"P-Please... don't fight anymore," Lavi said while trying to lock his eye with everyone in the crowd. "I confess, it's my fault for breaking my promise so I may deserved to be punished."

"But Rufus..."

"Please... Lucas... I don't want... to run away anymore... if there is any way for us to resolve this without anyone getting hurt... I don't care how... then please... just... too many people are getting hurt... so don't..."

"Rufus, what are you say-"

"It means he doesn't want you going around, hitting or yelling at anyone just to protect him," the sudden interruption brought Lucas and everyone's attention to Kanda. "This issue has already had too many victims and Lavi wants to resolve this issue without anymore people getting hurt if possible, even if it means himself getting punished for breaking his promise for entering the town without permission. Even if it means... letting you go."

Lucas' eyes widened slightly upon that comment from Kanda, then looked down at Lavi. Lavi lowered his head in order not to look into the eyes of the Norwegian mountaineer.

"Rufus, what-"

"What are you guys waiting for?" Tina suddenly yelled. "Get that thing right now!"

With that, three guys from the crowd suddenly rushed forward with metal poles and for some reasons, axes aiming at the redhead and his Norwegian lover. The pair noticed this and before Lavi realized, Lucas had Lavi held into his arms and hid him in an embrace, protecting him from any impact and pain from the attack.

"NO! LUCAS! DON'T!"

Just as the trio was about to strike however, all three attacks were blocked by Kanda using his Mugen, standing in front of the couple.

"Yuu!"

Lucas' eyes widened again slightly from the surprise from Kanda's save, but soon realized something and narrowed his eyes at his sister.

"Tina! What the fuck does this mean? Are you trying to KILL Rufus?"

"Wha- no- Lucas- I swear! I didn't ask them to bring in weapons! Even I don't understand why are they having-"

"Kanda!" a voice shouting across could be heard soon after. "Get down!"

Kanda did as told as he swung his sword to push back the three men who attacked and jumped backwards, letting Allen used his innocence to blast away the trio.

However, it seemed Allen had missed. The trio soon appeared again when the smoke caused by Allen's attack subsided.

"Exorcist..." one of the trio said and they all began their transformation into their _Akuma_ form.

"Kya! Monsters!" screamed one of the townspeople and the next thing they knew, two more people on the crowd began changing as well, revealing themselves as _Akumas_. The actual humans who saw them screamed and quickly ran and scattered away in panic and fear for their lives.

"L-Lucas!" Tina's voice could be heard shouting across, worried for the safety of her brother. However, no matter how much she wanted to run up to her brother, she was stopped by the police chief who was attempting to pull away for the situation was too dangerous for her to handle.

Meanwhile, Allen and Lenalee made their way quickly around Lavi and Lucas in an attempt to protect them.

"Y-You guys..."

"Don't worry about us, Lavi," Allen immediately said when Lavi spoke. "Just like you are always there to help us, we will also be here to protect you."

"Allen-san..."

"This is so that everyone can go back home together," Lavi turned in response to the voice to face Lenalee. "To where we all belonged." Lenalee said as she smiled reassuringly to Lavi.

"Lenalee-san..."

"Resistance is futile, Bookman Junior."

A familiar voice was soon heard again. Everyone immediately turned to the source of the sound, revealing Lulubell.

"You are-"

"Come with me, Bookman Junior," Lulubell immediately ordered. "If you don't want your _nakama_ here to get hurt that is."

With a snap from her fingers more _Akumas_ appeared from the sides and behind her, completely surrounding the group. Lavi widened his eye in response.

"N-No way..."

"I will say it once again," Lulubell spoke again. "Come with me, Bookman Junior if not your _nakama_ shall be the ones who will bear the consequences."

"Don't!" Allen quickly turned to let his eyes lock into Lavi's. "Don't! Lavi! Don't do it!"

"B-But I-" Lavi hesitantly responded to Allen's pleading. He then felt the arms around his waist become tighter. "Lucas?"

"Don't. Rufus." Lucas was looking at his redhead beloved with a pair of pleading eyes...

"But..."

"You wish to resolve this, don't you?" Lulubell's voice caught Lavi's attention. Or more likely, it was the words she used that caught his attention.

"You wish to resolve this whole issue regarding the town hating you, right? The abnormal seasons, the mountaineers' deaths and your lover's family quarrels, right?

"If you really desire to resolve all these without anyone else getting hurt or killed, you will come with me, Bookman Junior, for this is what you wished for and I can grant you your wish if you do as I say."

The redhead immediately looked up at Lulubell with a face full of shock, but a little of hope.

"I-Is that true?"

"No!" Lavi's attention went to Allen's shouting. "Don't Lavi! Don't listen to her! She's lying!"

"I speak of the truth, Bookman Junior," Lulubell spoke again. "I give you my word that if you willing to come with me now I will leave your _nakama _here unharmed. And after you have helped me retrieve the innocence, the town will be left unharmed. None of the people you cared about will be harmed. I give you my word with my name and identity as the Noah of Lust on the line."

Lavi looked at the Noah of Lust again. The words were definitely tempting to Lavi, especially now if his sacrifice here would mean resolving all the problems the town and Lucas' family was facing. And what's more no one will get hurt... because of him. Again.

"I..."

"Lavi," Lavi's attention was to Lenalee this time. "Please... I know you're afraid that we might get hurt since you don't have your memories now. But I need to trust us."

"T-Trust?" Lavi blinked.

"Yes," Lenalee replied. "If you have remembered, we have always overcome such and even worse situations as this in our missions, but together as _nakama_, supporting and helping one another. This is because we trust each other."

"Lenalee's right," Allen began speaking. "Lavi, I know that right now, you are afraid that we will get hurt because we tried to protect you from these _Akumas _and Lulubell. But I can assure that we won't. We will defeat them all, and go home together with everyone. That was the promise we always made before each mission."

"P-Promise?" Lavi blinked again.

Sure, if he went with the Noah, maybe everyone here would be safe for there would no need for a fight to happen. It was the scenario he desired so much.

But can he really trust them to protect him without sacrificing themselves? Without getting hurt because of trying to protect him? Can they really fight all these enemies and come back from the battle safe and sound? Without sacrificing anyone of each other?

Of course it would be great if like Allen and Lenalee said, they could resolve the current situation by fighting and winning against the enemies without anyone getting sacrifice.

But Lavi didn't know. Right now, because too many things had happened, too many tragedy, too many deaths, and too many sadness. The number of enemies was high compared to three exorcists fighting here.

The risk was too large. He's afraid of the risk he may decided to take. He's afraid a wrong decision here from him would cause more regrets, pain and grief.

Lavi closed his eye tightly and held his head, hands shaking from the fear and dilemma he was going through right now...

"I-I..."

"Lavi," Lavi gasped softly while he opened his eye.

"Lavi, look at me."

Doing as told, Lavi turned to face the source of the gentle voice in response, meeting the dark eyes of Kanda.

"Yuu..."

"Do you remember?" Kanda turned to meet Lavi's eye head on. "Our promise? Before we left for the festival?"

"P-Promise?" Lavi blinked at the comment as he thought back to his and Kanda's words before they left the inn room for the festival.

_****Flashback****_

"_Don't worry," Kanda assured Lavi as he squeezed the shivering hand. "You and I are BOTH going to go to the festival and coming back here, safe and sound."_

_****End of Flashback****_

Lavi remembered. He then looked at Kanda's eyes again.

"Yuu..."

"I intend to keep that promise. And for me to do that, I need your trust. Before you decided if your decision here is going to kill us or not, I need you to realize that giving us a chance here to prove ourselves may give you the answer you seek, not the result of it."

Kanda turned and slowly moved his hand to point Mugen at the _Akuma_ in front of him.

"At the very least, I intend to keep my promise, regardless of what you decided to do. After all, destroying these things is what I lived to do. So even if you decided to sacrifice yourself here, it's not going to change the fact that we will be fighting them."

"Furthermore, you're supposed to realize it by now..."

"Yuu...?"

"The feelings of being left behind when someone sacrificed for you. You understand how does it feel... right?"

Lavi blinked and widened his eye further in surprise upon hearing those words from Kanda. He clenched his heart as he remembered the images of Lucas protecting him from the townspeople, almost sacrificing his arm in the process, and Kanda, who protected him from the _Akuma_ attack, almost sacrificing his own life in the process.

As a result, Lavi could feel it. The feelings of pain. The sadness. The confusion. The insanity. The anger. The guilt. And most importantly, the feelings of regrets.

The feelings of loss and painful guilt that attempt to break his heart.

The feelings of grief and anger that attempt to break his sanity and humanity.

The feelings of regrets and despair that attempt to break his soul and his will to live.

And they were feelings that he rather not experience again.

Just as he didn't want anyone else to go through the same experience as him.

Especially, the ones important to him.

Lavi fell into his knees as he thought about Kanda's words. Lucas immediately lowered himself to hold onto Lavi and realized he was shivering.

"Yuu..." Lavi finally spoke softly after some time.

"Yes Lavi?"

"I will... Never forgive you."

"Huh?" Allen, Lenalee and Lucas said together when Lavi said those words at Kanda. Kanda however, remained silent, still looking at the _Akumas_ in front of him.

"I will never forgive you... Yuu."

Still, Kanda didn't move. Lavi then stood up, faced Kanda's back with his head lowered to cover his eye with his long red locks.

"I won't forgive you..." Lavi said softly again as he raised his head to lock his eye at Kanda's back.

...

"If you fail to keep your promise."

Allen, Lenalee and Lucas twitched in response upon hearing those words, while Lulubell commented "What" in surprise.

"Of course, _baka usagi_," Kanda replied in his usual annoyed but happy tone. Everyone failed to notice the proud smile on his face.

"Rufus..."

"Lavi!" Allen and Lenalee said the name happily; they couldn't help but sighed in relief and smiled when they heard those words.

"I'm sorry, but," Lavi said as he turned to look at the other two exorcists. "Is it all right for me to say... I don't want to go with this woman?"

"Of course," said the two exorcists as they activated their innocence weapon again, ready in position to attack. Kanda also changed his stance in preparation to attack. Lavi then looked at Lulubell.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere with you."

"A foolish decision. You're going to regret it."

And with that, Lulubell swung her arms, signaling to attack and kill.

_****Break****_

With a swing of Mugen, the last _Akuma _exploded, and the three exorcists finally destroyed all the _Akumas _at sight. Now, unless Lulubell summoned more _Akumas_ they are only left to deal with Lulubell herself.

"Such incompetence," Lulubell, now standing at the entrance of an alley, commented as she saw every one of her _Akuma_ was killed. "But no matter because it's not over yet. I will come for you again, Bookman Junior." And with that, she ran into the alley. Allen followed after her only to realize she had disappeared.

Allen, after being mostly sure it's safe as he could not sense anymore _Akumas_ nearby, heaved a huge sigh of relief and let his knees touch the ground, panting from the tiredness. Lenalee did the same too when she heard that Lulubell's gone from Allen.

"Rufus," the Norwegian, who was hugging the redhead from behind, tightened his hold on Lavi's waist. "Are you alright?"

Lavi nodded when he heard Lucas' question. Lucas also sighed in relief and rested his forehead on Lavi's shoulder with a comment 'thank goodness' expressing his relief. Lavi smiled slightly and placed his hand on Lucas' on his abdomen.

But it wasn't long when a groan was heard, and everyone turned to see Kanda collapse, holding on to Mugen to only allow his knees to touch the ground, while pressing with his left hand on his right upper arm, where blood was seen flowing from there.

"Kanda!" Lenalee exclaimed loudly and worriedly with slight shock upon seeing the sight. She ran up to Kanda to check on his wound. "You're hurt!"

"Che," Kanda however replied as if the wound wasn't anything that anyone should be worried about. "It's nothing."

Just like Kanda said, the wound was probably nothing, compared to what he had experienced before many times, from the pain he had went through before this, and most importantly, probably the pain Lavi was going through right now. However, for his _nakama_, it was probably a wound to be concerned about since the Japanese Exorcist had just recovered (or maybe was still recovering) from a very heavy wound.

Lavi of course felt the same way, but the arms around his waist seemed to make him hesitant to go up to the Japanese man. It might become an awkward and unpleasant situation for his Norwegian lover.

Which was probably why it really surprised him when Lavi felt the arms around his waist released their hold, followed by a soft approval.

"What are you waiting for? Go," Lavi turned to look at Lucas with an eye filled with surprise and gratitude as he nodded and thanked him, then quickly ran towards Kanda. Lenalee's saw Lavi approach, and then moved to the side to allow Lavi to get closer and take a look at Kanda's wound.

Kanda watched Lavi examined his wounds and noticed his face and eye with slight hurt and gulit.

"Does it hurt?" Lavi asked softly to the Japanese, with a voice full of gentleness and concern. Kanda shook his head slowly.

"Don't worry," Kanda said, making Lavi look up to his dark eyes. "I'm perfectly fine. I'm safe, so don't you start thinking that _this_ is your fault 'cause it's not."

Kanda was looking at Lavi with eyes filled with determination and strong will. Lavi blinked upon that comment, then blushed slightly and looked down to try to use his locks to cover his blush, which was probably due to his embarrassment in being so easily read by Kanda.

"I kept it," Kanda said suddenly, bringing Lavi back to reality and looked up at Kanda to see him smiling. "I kept my promise; everyone is safe."

"Ya..." Lavi's eye widened slightly, then blinked and narrowed to look at Kanda with a face expressing his relief. He was glad and grateful to Kanda.

"Thank you." Lavi said softly to Kanda with a small but genuine smile in response to Kanda's. Lavi gripped lightly on Kanda's sleeve, while their eyes locked to each other, understanding each other's relief, satisfaction, gratitude and happiness that everyone was safe and all ends well, as if they were locked in their own world just with the two of them only.

Such that both of them were unaware of the pair of sad and envious eyes watching them from not far behind...

To Be Continued...

_phew! Finally done! =]]]_

_So so so? What do you guys think?_

_As usual! Please please please review! Esp if ya planning to fave or alert this story! (thou I wont curse you for not doing so)_

_but reviews gave me the most motivation so will really appreciate it if you leave 1 behind! No matter it's short or long, compliment or criticism, shout-out or rant._

_Meanwhile will start working on chap 15!_

_so stay in touch with my updates yeah? ;D_

_till next time,_

_Jya ne~_

_August-channnn_

_=DDDD_


	15. Memories aren't Everything

_Hi everyone!_

_august-chan is finally here with an update!_

_Sorry for the late update! So I won't say much now so that you guys can quickly get on to the main dish: the 15__th__ chap of MaE!_

_But before that, I still needa do this:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst_

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT**__own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

_Extra warning: there is slight Laven (AllenxLavi) in this chapter. Hey, dun glare at me; already declared in the 1__st__ few chapters that there is slight 1-sided Laven._

_sa-te to, enjoy~!_

**Allen and Lenalee's Advice 1 : Memories aren't Everything**

"_Thank you." Lavi said softly to Kanda with a small but genuine smile in response to Kanda's. Lavi gripped lightly on Kanda's sleeve, while their eyes locked to each other, understanding each other's relief, satisfaction, gratitude and happiness that everyone was safe and all ends well, as if they were locked in their own world just with the two of them only._

_Such that both of them were unaware of the pair of sad and envious eyes watching them from not far behind..._

Silence started and continued as Kanda watched Lavi quietly wrap the bandages around his chest and arm, the old and new wounds. Both had not said a word for they didn't really know what to say.

After the _Akuma_ attack from Lulubell, everyone thought it was best that they were to quickly evacuate the place and head to the inn they were staying at. But after knowing that Lavi, the 'Devil's Son', had created a scene on the streets, the boss of the inn kept refusing to take them in again. Despite Lucas attempt to bribe him, the boss was firm in his stand that the 'Devil's Son' would not stay in his inn any longer. Thus, they had no other choice but to stay at Lucas' own personal cottage he had in town for the night, despite being a dangerous place for Lavi to stay in for his family knew the location so who knows when an army of townspeople would suddenly march into his place demanding for the hand over of the redhead.

Lucas had prepared a room for each of the exorcist. However, there was something about the rooming arrangement which disturbed Kanda.

Lavi would be sharing a room with the Norwegian mountaineer. Lavi had insisted for it when there were not enough rooms for all of them, though Lucas had suggested he would sleep in the living room.

Of course Kanda was not happy with it, which probably explained the silent and tensed atmosphere between the two while Lavi was tending to Kanda's wounds, especially when Lavi had straightforwardly rejected Kanda's offer to sleep in the living room as long as Lavi didn't share a room with the Norwegian. To Lavi, Kanda sleeping on the sofa was a very bad idea as Kanda was injured.

When Lavi was done, Lavi kept the medicine in the first aid kit and was about to walk away when suddenly Kanda pulled him at his arm, as if telling him not to go.

"... Yuu?" Lavi looked at Kanda with a slightly confused but awkward expression. "You should be getting tired so get some rest."

"Must you seriously share a bed with that guy?" Kanda looked at Lavi, slightly annoyed.

"Yes," Lavi said firmly, also annoyed at Kanda for making him keep repeating himself. "It's not the first time so it's all right."

"It's not alright for me," this time Kanda was the one with a voice firmed with an atmosphere of determination around him.

"Huh?"

"What makes you think I will keep quiet and not mind about you sharing a room with another guy? I do Lavi, I very much mind that you have to spend the night with him and let him have you all to himself tonight."

"Are you stupid?" Lavi said as he shoved Kanda's hold away from his arm. "It's _just_ sleeping, and Lucas won't do anything to me; he won't do anything that I don't like or anything that I wasn't prepared for."

"But Lavi-"

"No buts," and with that Lavi immediately pushed Kanda down for him to lie on his bed. "I don't know or maybe I don't remember about your healing abilities but you definitely need to rest. So sleep."

Kanda tried to argue further, but Lavi quickly sent him a glare when he attempted, which shut Kanda up as he could see that Lavi was not going to let him win this argument. Surrendered, Kanda obediently lied down and settled on the bed, closing his eyes and attempting to sleep. When Lavi heard the even breathing from the Japanese, Lavi smiled and quietly walked out of the room, closing the door as quiet as he could before walking back to the room where Lucas was waiting for him.

_****Break****_

"So... how is he?" Lucas was sitting on the bed when Lavi walked in. "Kanda I mean."

"He's fine," Lavi replied as he hanged his scarf and winter coat on the pegs beside the door. "His wounds are recovering well so he should be all right after a good night sleep."

"I see..." Lucas said which Lavi responded with a yawn. He then stood up. "You should get some rest too if you're tired."

"What about you Lucas?" Lavi turned back to face Lucas after he had removed his gloves, boots and socks.

"I'm not sleepy yet. Was thinking I could go out for a walk."

"Walk?" Lavi looked at Lucas with an eye filled with confusion and concern. "At this time of the night?"

"I need to do some... thinking," Lucas replied as he looked down with a slightly sad face, which worried the redhead so he reached out his hand to the Norwegian's cheek. Lucas' eyes widened slightly in surprise when he felt a warm hand touched his cheek.

"Lucas," Lavi looked at the Norwegian with eyes, still with worry and concern. "Are you... really alright?"

Lucas looked at Lavi's lone eye, and couldn't help but feel touched for his concern and care. He smiled, then lifted his hand to place it over Lavi's warm hand on his cheek, moving the hand so that he could press his lips against the palm. Lavi blushed at the kiss.

"Rufus..." Lucas pulled away the hand and called for the redhead softly. Before Lavi had any chance to speak, he felt his hand being pulled towards Lucas gently as Lucas slowly sat on the bed.

"Lucas?"

"Hush..." Lucas pulled Lavi further to bring him closer, and Lavi seemed to know what to do as he followed along Lucas's pull and soon turned around and sat down on Lucas' lap. Then, arms were around his waist to embrace him, pulling him backwards to press Lavi's back against a warm chest.

"I was wondering..." Lucas started speaking as soon as he embraced Lavi. "Is it okay? For me to continue to call you Rufus? Or is it you preferred to be called by your real name 'Lavi'?"

"Lucas?" Lavi tried to turn back to look at Lucas' face, but felt the embrace tightened when he tried, as if indicating Lucas didn't want the redhead to see his face. Lavi blinked in surprise, not only at the question, but at the tensed atmosphere surrounding the Norwegian who was hugging him closely.

The redhead couldn't help but began to wonder why Lucas had asked him whether he could continue to call him through 'Rufus'. Is it because he was worried that the redhead would feel weird when being called with two names at the same time? Or is it because that Lucas had thought the redhead would preferred being called by his actual name he had before he lost his memories?

However, Lavi's confusion didn't stop there. Because if the reasons for Lucas' questions were what he was thinking, then Lucas had really no reason to ask if the redhead was all right with it. Lucas could simply just called him by the name where the three exorcists had called him without being asked. However, the most important thing was that Lucas wasn't asking a question. He was asking for a permission.

_****Flashback****_

"_Hmm... How about I give you a name till you remember then? Let's see... How does 'Rufus' sound? All right for you?"_

"_Rufus?"_

"_Yup. It means 'Red' in Latin. Okay for you?"_

_The redhead simply stared, then averted his gaze to the floor while the mountaineer just looked at him, waiting patiently for his answer._

_However, it wasn't long that he was surprised by a gaze from the redhead, followed by a smile that soothed and melted his heart._

"_Thank you. 'Rufus' sounds good."_

_****End of Flashback****_

It was a permission to continue calling him by the name which Lucas had chosen for him when Lavi had no recollection of his name, no matter how much he tried to remember. But why would Lucas ask for it? To Lavi, of course the Lucas could call him whatever he liked, but for some reasons, Lavi could feel insecurity in Lucas' words and expression, as if he had thought that the redhead would mind if he didn't call him by his name he had as an exorcist. Furthermore, according to Allen, 'Lavi' was an alias not his real name so it was even more all right with Lucas calling him by another name.

Still, Lavi felt that he needed to assure the Norwegian.

"Lucas," the redhead raised a hand to place on the hands overlapping on his abdomen. "You are welcomed to call me whatever you wish to call me as."

Upon Lavi's answer, Lucas sighed in relief and smiled.

"Thank you," Lavi could feel the embrace relaxed; the tension in the Norwegian lightened up slightly. Lavi then turned back to see Lucas smiling, but with a hint of sadness and slight pain. Lucas then led the redhead and himself to stand up, then kissed Lavi on his cheek. "Have some sleep. I will be back later." And with that, Lucas started to walk away.

"Lucas?" Lavi didn't feel right about this, for he didn't fail to notice the sad expression on the Norwegian's face, and it pained Lavi's heart seeing it.

Just as Lucas was about to walk away, he suddenly could feel pulling of his shirt long sleeve, and turned back to face the redhead who was looking down with his red locks covering his eye. He looked at the redhead with a confused expression.

"Rufus?"

For some reason, Lavi felt there was no way he could let Lucas leave with a face he was having. The expression Lucas was having and was showing to the redhead was a face so full of worry, dilemma, sadness and pain, as if he was just attacked emotionally by someone. It was a face he did not want to see it from anyone, especially from the man whom he had owed his life to.

As such, Lavi felt that there was a need for him to do something, so he breathed in heavily as if to breathe away all his nervousness to ready himself, and finally looked up, staring at the Norwegian's eyes with his single green eye filled with determination but also, with slight hesitation.

"Rufus? What-?"

Before Lucas could finish, his lips were claimed by Lavi, and his eyes widened in surprise. But his surprise didn't stop there. It wasn't long when he felt arms behind his neck and his lips being run by something warm and wet, which could only be Lavi's tongue. As if the contact with the redhead's tongue had sparked something inside of him, Lucas parted his lips and wrapped Lavi's waist with his arms, bringing the redhead closer to him to deepen the kissing they were sharing. He also moved his tongue with Lavi's, becoming a dance of tongues fighting for dominance, but sharing and giving each other the warmth and tenderness needed and desired without any hesitation.

Lavi soon moaned softly as Lucas managed to take charge, using his tongue to soothingly massage every part of inside of the redhead's mouth. Lucas then pushed himself and Lavi forward, causing both of them, still in embrace, to fall and land on the soft bed. They broke apart for a moment to take in air, but touched each other's tongue as soon as their lips were connected again. The next thing Lavi knew, Lucas moved his legs and pressed with a knee on the area between Lavi's legs, causing Lavi to gasp in surprise and break the kiss. Lucas then began kissing on Lavi's neck and used his hand to free Lavi's shirt from his pants to caress Lavi's bare chest under the shirt.

"Ah..." Lavi moaned softly in response to Lucas' touches, and started to shiver from Lucas' cold hands. "L-Lucas... W-Wait-I-"

Ignoring Lavi's call, Lucas moved his lips to his ear, licking and lightly tugging on the ear-ring while his hand pinched on a nipple, causing Lavi to involuntarily arch his back and moan again while continued shivering. One of Lavi's hand went to grip on the bed sheet beneath, while the other went to grip on Lucas' hair; both hands shivering. Noticing the shivering, Lucas pulled back to look at Lavi's face.

Trembling, Lavi had his eyes tightly shut, as if he didn't really want to look at what he himself was doing and his lips being bitten, as if preventing himself from saying something. Both were signs showing that Lavi was holding back something.

Then, Lavi suddenly felt the coldness and the touch on his chest left; Lucas had stopped continuing touching his 'Rufus' intimately. But it wasn't long when he felt a hand on his cheek and started stroking. Lavi looked at Lucas, confused.

"I think we should stop here," Lucas said with a pair of sad but determined eyes. "You should have known that I won't do anything to hurt you..."

"B-But Lucas," Lavi said as he blinked in surprise the second time in that room. "If it's you, then I don't mind. I mean-" Lavi's words were stopped by a cold finger from the Norwegian.

"It's alright, Rufus," this time, Lucas said the words softly and gently, assuring the redhead. Then he slowly pulled back his hand to embrace the redhead for reassurance.

"I really don't mind if it's you, Lucas," Lavi said softly as he hugged back. "I really don't mind..."

Especially the man before him was the person whom he owed his life to. Especially when the man before him had always been there for him when he had no memories, no home and nowhere to go to. Especially when the man before him was always there for him when he was lost and lonely, almost to the point he could have broken down.

Even when everyone hated him, the man before him would always be there for him whenever he needed him no matter the odds and costs. During those times, Lavi never felt useless and lost his will to live because the man before him would always be there to protect him, love him and would never betray him, even at the cost of his career, his family, his future, his life, his everything.

If not for Lucas, Lavi wouldn't be where he was standing, and possibly wouldn't even be alive right now. Lucas was the person whom Lavi was willing to do anything to protect him and make him happy, no matter what he had to sacrifice in return.

"Shh... It's alright, Rufus," Lucas tried assuring the redhead. "Just... stay with me like this, okay?"

Lucas waited patiently, and he soon felt the redhead nodding his head on his shoulder. Lucas couldn't help but smiled.

"Thank you," Lucas whispered and silence followed between the two, where both relaxed upon feeling the warmth from each other in the warm and loving embrace they shared.

_****Break****_

After less than an hour, Lucas could felt the chest beneath him expanding and contracting evenly along the same pace as Lavi's breathing, indicating the redhead had fallen asleep. Lucas didn't find it surprising as the day's events were a lot to handle and thus exhausting Lavi. Slowly and quietly, Lucas pulled back and released himself from the embrace. Once he done that, he went to the edge of the bed to stand up. After that, he gently pulled a blanket over the redhead, making sure to keep him warm and comfortable.

The Norwegian then squatted down beside the bed, staring at Lavi's peaceful sleeping face. He smiled, then he used a hand to brush off the red locks on his face to place a soft kiss on his forehead. After that, he continued staring at the redhead further for a few more seconds before walking off to grab his coat on the peg and walked out of the room as quietly as he could.

"Lucas-san?" Lucas immediately turned back in surprise, seeing Lenalee standing behind him as he was closing the door.

"Shh..." Lucas placed a finger on his lips when he saw Lenalee opening her mouth trying to speak again, gesturing her to keep quiet. He didn't want Lenalee's voice suddenly waking the redhead inside the room sleeping. Lenalee understood as she nodded her head. When Lucas had closed the door with a soft 'click', he gestured the female exorcist to follow him to find somewhere else to talk, and Lenalee quietly followed Lucas to the living room, which was warmed and lightened up by the fire burning in the fireplace.

"Where were you heading to just now?" Lucas asked when he and Lenalee sat on the sofa. "You were supposed to be sleeping."

"I'm sorry," Lenalee replied, feeling slightly guilty. "I couldn't get to sleep so was just thinking of checking up on Lavi and Kanda. Is Lavi alright?"

"I see. Yes he is. No worries he's sleeping soundly in the room right now."

Lenalee nodded, understanding the Norwegian's words and glad that everyone was alright. She then noticed that Lucas had turned and shifted his gaze to the burning fireplace, deep in thought and with his face and eyes showing sadness.

"Lucas-san?" Lenalee called, concerned for the Norwegian's well being. "Are you alright yourself? You seemed... unhappy."

Lucas showed his acknowledgement to Lenalee's call by turning back to face Lenalee. But soon turned back to staring at the fireplace again and chuckled lightly.

"I guess I _am_ a bit... unhappy..." Lucas replied, but his voice was fading in a defeated tone. "In the end, I couldn't do or understand anything..."

"Lucas-san?"

"That reminds me," Lucas tried changing the subject before Lenalee had the chance to ask him about his last words. "Was wondering if you could tell me about Rufus' past? I mean, his original personality before he lost his memories, and think you could explain more on this something called 'Bookman'? Also, if possible I would like to know more about his life as an exorcist and perhaps his... relationships?"

Lenalee looked at the Norwegian with a serious face. One could tell Lucas was trying to hide his misery and sadness inside, and Lenalee was hoping that if it helped, the Norwegian might want to share some of his troubles with her, especially if they were about Lavi. But Lucas was looking at her with a firm pair of eyes, and Lenalee sighed in defeat seeing that she probably won't get any answers from him. Maybe she could try again at a later time...

"Alright," Lenalee replied after some time, and began her story for Lucas.

_****Break****_

Lavi shifted, his hand twitched slightly and he slowly opened his eye. His consciousness was slowly returning in response to a gloved hand moving and stroking his left cheek. Thinking it was Lucas, Lavi leaned to the touch as his sight was still blurred when trying to get used to the brightness of the slightly dark room he was in that were lightened by the moonlight shone through the window. But as his sight became clearer, Lavi saw who was in front of him and he immediately opened his eye fully and sat up quickly.

"Wha-" Lavi was about to cry out in shock but the hand prevented him from completing his sentence by cupping his mouth.

"Shh..." the person in front of Lavi whispered while using a finger of his the other hand to place on his lips to gesture Lavi not to speak too loud. "I'm sorry to wake you up; I didn't mean to scare you. Just want to check out with you to see if you're alright."

Lavi looked at the exorcist, processing what he was saying and he nodded, indicating that he understood and silently asked for him to free his hand from his mouth. Slowly but surely, the hand was soon removed.

However, Lavi soon realized a missing warmth and body beside him. Lavi quickly turned around and look through the room, searching for the Norwegian mountaineer. Lucas was in the room no more. It seemed he had left when Lavi had fallen asleep. The white-haired exorcist noticed Lavi's slight panic and worried face.

"If you're looking for Lucas-san then do not worry," Allen said, causing Lavi to look at Allen with a questionable face. "I just saw him chatting with Lenalee in the living room, so he's alright."

"I see..." Lavi sighed slightly in relief. But Allen could notice something on Lavi's face.

"Still worried? About Lucas-san?" Allen asked as he noticed Lavi's worries through his single eye. Lavi turned to look at him in surprise at Allen. He had made sure his worry didn't show too obvious on his face.

"How-"

"Let's just say I know more than I should have known about you, Lavi," Allen replied before Lavi could even finish his question, as if he knew what Lavi was going to ask. This was because Allen knew, that Lavi most of the time had the tendency to hide his true feelings, and was especially good at it due to his training to become a Bookman.

"B-But," Lavi asked again, still surprised. "Why?"

"Because," Allen looked at Lavi, locking eyes with Lavi's single eye. "I have always been watching you."

"'Watch'?" Lavi repeated, then noticed something in Allen's eyes. It was the eyes with the same sadness as Lucas had some time ago, when they were in this room together. The eyes that showed hurt and emotional pain, and a hint of something else Lavi couldn't quite figure it out. Allen chuckled lightly in response.

"I guess you never really changed, did you?" Allen said after he chuckled. "Even after you lost your memories, you didn't really change..."

Before Lavi could ask what Allen had meant, Allen had already leaned forward towards the redhead closer and the next thing Lavi knew, Allen had hugged him tightly but not forcefully. Lavi's eye widened in surprise at such an act from Allen but was interrupted again before he could say something in response.

"And for that, I'm glad..." Allen said softly at Lavi's ear. Lavi could only froze when he heard those words, wondering. What kind of person was he really before? He didn't know, couldn't remember, but he wanted to know, to remember. Allen's words sparked his curiosity, wanting to know more about himself.

Especially since a lot had happened these past few days; and Lavi was beginning to feel scared because without his memories, he didn't know anything, couldn't understand anything, and people are getting hurt because of it.

"I didn't... change?" Lavi replied softly. "Are you saying my original personality and character is almost the same as I am right now?"

Allen nodded and smiled.

"Except for the cheerful and loud part, where you would always cheer up and encourage everyone, and you always give good advice, well a lot to me that is."

Lavi chuckled slightly when he heard those.

"I guess I need encouragement and advice more than you do right now, Allen-san."

"It's Allen," the white-haired exorcist quickly said. "Please called me Allen, like you used to. Formality doesn't really suit you, especially when you're the kind who always called people nicknames, whether they like it or not."

"I always do that?"

"Yes," Allen replied before giving a small smile. "You sometimes called me '_moyashi_' like Kanda and you called Kanda 'Yuu-chan' even though we asked you, told you, commanded you, and threatened you not to."

"You serious?" Lavi asked in slight surprise, trying to hold back a slight urge to laugh. If he really was that kind of person, then wouldn't it be the exact opposite of his personality right now? Then here's the confusing part.

"But why did you say I didn't really change?" Lavi asked Allen in confusion.

"Because," Allen looked at Lavi with a pair of determined eyes and an atmosphere of firmness. "Just like always, you would thought about us, your _nakama_, and you never betray and abandon us. Despite all emotional turmoil, you treated, helped and protected us as friends from the bottom of your heart, though you didn't have to. I heard from Lenalee that when she got sick due to an _Akuma_ attack last time when we were tricked by Lulubell, you protected her from _Akumas_ till the very end. Even though your innocence was taken, you refused to leave her alone till the very end even when she pleaded you to."

"But right now, I'm still-"

"You may not be as cheerful as you were in the past, but that was a characteristic you developed as a Bookman. But you cared for us as a comrade, and this was something developed as a human, from your heart. Your heart didn't change, Lavi.

"So no matter what other people say Lavi, you're still you. Memories or not, you will always be who you are, whether you're called Bookman, Lavi the exorcist, or Rufus."

Allen said those words firmly with a genuine and sincere smile. He wasn't watching Lavi for nothing for all those times they had when they were together, from the first time they meet. He remembered those times where Lavi helped and saved him, and it was thanks to Lavi that he understood a lot of things.

He understood from Lavi the true meaning of their exorcists' coats in their first fight together.

After he found out and saddened that in the fight to find the generals that 148 deaths were confirmed, he understood from Lavi that he was never alone; no matter how much difficult the battle ahead had become more difficult and tragic, his _nakama_ would always be there standing and fighting with him.

And now, Allen wanted more than anything to help Lavi understand this, just like he did it for him in the past.

"You will always, be the Lavi I loved and admired..." Allen whispered to himself as he cupped Lavi's cheek, surprising the redhead who showed no fear and rejection. But Lavi did notice that Allen was leaning forward and getting closer to him, and there was a slight discomfort in his chest. However, he couldn't have the heart to push him away.

"B-But Allen-san... I still cannot remember..." Lavi stuttered nervously when he realized Allen's face was just mere centimeters apart from his.

"Memories aren't everything, Lavi," Allen said with a tone of determination. "You understand this, do you? You already understood this feeling of longing and feelings for the people you love and care for even though you don't remember them. Anyone can take your memories away from you, but nobody can take away your feelings, your bonds you had."

Allen pulled back and put down his hand, staring at Lavi again with those firm eyes full of determination.

"No one can take away your heart, Lavi. Even if the memories are gone, your feelings, your heart, will always stay with you."

Lavi's eye widened at that comment, realization and inspiration struck him, hard. It was as if those words were a spark that triggered something in his brain, as images were coming back, letting Lavi see them as clearly as they allowed. Though they are in vague flashes, the images were enough for Lavi to realize something.

"_W-What... d-did you just-" _

"_What's wrong? Don't know what a kiss is? Lavi?"_

"_Stay with me... Lavi... Don't go..."_

"_It's okay, Lavi. As long as you're willing to stay with me, I will do anything to keep you by my side. So don't think about anything else, Lavi."_

"_Lavi, I... I... I... I lov-"_

"_NO PLEASE LAVI! DON'T DO THIS! NOT TO ME!"_

"_Lavi..."_

"_Lavi."_

"_LAVI!"_

Lavi gasped and jumped when the voice in his mind shouted, but the figure yelling for him was going further, further and further away from him. He froze as he began to process what he was shown and heard in his mind.

The images didn't show more, but was enough for Lavi to recognize those were images of his forgotten past. The face of the figure didn't show, but was enough for Lavi to make out the features of the figure present in the images. The voice of the figure was clearly heard, and Lavi recognized the owner of the voice.

Lavi immediately and rapidly left the bed and stood up, slightly shocking the white-haired exorcist squatting beside him. Without waiting for Allen to ask what had happened, Lavi immediately bolted to the door and opened it.

"Thanks, Allen," Lavi said before him ran out of the room without closing the door, leaving Allen alone in the room.

"You're welcome," Allen said softly as he watched the redhead left him alone with a sad smile on his face. He then bit his lip. He tried to hold back his tears. He didn't know whether to feel proud and happy or regretful and envious.

_****Break****_

Lavi hesitated, and raised his hand up to knock. But before his fist made contact with the door, he put down his hand.

Kanda was supposed to be resting, so he needed a good night sleep. So it wasn't a good idea to knock and wake him up right now. Kanda's health was important than anything else.

But still, Lavi had told himself that he would talk to Kanda, tonight.

Lavi heaved a deep breathe to brace himself, and finally had the resolve to knock softly on the door. It was a soft knock, but should be loud enough for anyone in the room and anyone nearby to hear in the silent mansion.

"Yuu?" Lavi called out, but received no reply for several seconds.

'Guess he's asleep..." Lavi thought and sighed in disappointment, turning back to walk away with the decision to talk to Kanda when he woke up in the morning.

"Lavi?" the familiar voice came from behind the door, inside the room. Lavi turned back in surprise.

"Y-Yuu?" Lavi stuttered as he replied back. He then clenched his fist at his chest where his heart was situated. His heart was beating rapidly and uncontrollably. He was too nervous to speak to Kanda right now.

"Lavi, you know you can come in," Kanda said from the other side of the door. Upon those words, Lavi raised his hand to open the door, but hesitated and stopped just as the hand was reaching the knob. He could hear his heartbeat again. He was getting really nervous.

But... why? Lavi knew it. He knew he had to do this. Right now, he needed to talk to Kanda, and he wanted to.

He wanted to tell him that he had come to understand something important thanks to Allen. He wanted to tell him that he had come to a conclusion regarding his feelings. He wanted to tell him about his feelings. And most importantly...

He remembered Kanda.

It was a news that both of them would definitely be happy about, especially to Kanda. Kanda had suffered two years with the knowledge that he was dead. Kanda had suffered the few days they had together with the discovery that he was alive, but could not remember him or their relationship and love for each other, only to painfully discover that it was replaced by a love for another.

Though he had not remembered all, it was a news that would bring Kanda relief and joy, but why was he still so hesitant in meeting him right now?

Is it because he felt guilty? For Lucas? Acknowledging his feelings for Kanda would definitely bring pain and sadness to the Norwegian, and it was a sight Lavi couldn't bear to see. Not to the man who he owed his life to. Hurting Lucas was the last thing he wanted to do.

Or is it because he felt guilty? For Kanda? After being 'dead' for two years, causing Kanda to experience through a hellish life of two years full of nothing but regrets, pain and misery, did Lavi now have the rights to ask for Kanda's forgiveness and his permission to stay by his side and love him once again?

Which was it, Lavi didn't really know. But all Lavi knew that he needed to talk to Kanda, and possibly to Lucas later on, despite all the nervousness, dilemma and the mental struggle he was having as the centre of the love triangle they were in now.

"Lavi?" Lavi was brought back to reality from his train of thoughts when Kanda called him again. Then, Lavi heard from the other side of the door a soft but audible groan of pain, indicating Kanda was getting up from the bed and had probably moved his wound. As suspected, it was a bad idea to wake Kanda up, and it was a worse idea to have Kanda get up.

"W-Wait Yuu," Lavi said quickly when he realized this. "You don't have to get up. Just... listen to me from there."

"Lavi?"

"Please... just listen to me, from there..." Lavi said as he rested his forehead and a hand on the door. Right now, he just wanted to talk. He just wanted Kanda to hear what he wanted to say. Any guilt or regrets could be solved later but right now, he just wanted to settle the feelings he had with Kanda, hopefully without Lucas finding out till he talked to Lucas about it at the right time.

After seconds, Lavi breathed in deeply, finally obtaining the resolve needed to talk.

"Yuu," Lavi started speaking. "I... Er... kind of had a talk with Allen just now, and we talked about some things..."

"And?" Lavi had paused for a while, with Kanda replying him to tell him he was listening.

"And I realized some things thanks to him. He told me that even though without my memories, I'm still the person he knew as 'Lavi', I'm still the same old Lavi he knew when he was watching me... Well, almost, not really exactly the same but-"

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue, interrupting Lavi to continue talking about Allen. For obvious reasons, he didn't like it. "You're still the same _baka_ as always."

"Huh?" Lavi's forehead left the door for Lavi to look at the door in slight surprise and confusion.

"You're still the same _baka usagi_ that never fails to irritate me, gets on my nerves and always makes me... uncomfortable for nothing."

"... You mean worry, don't you?"

"No, I am not, and would not be, worried for you stupid rabbit," Kanda replied sarcastically. If it was Lavi in the past, he would always find himself in an awkward and annoying position being glomped and hugged by Lavi, saying that in actual fact, he _was_ worried, and he really was. Kanda could hear Lavi chuckling at the other side of the door in response.

"Yuu, can you remember," Lavi said, deciding to change the subject and move on. "That when you protected me from the _Akuma_, I called you by your first even without you mentioning it in front of me when I lost my memory, right?"

"And?" Kanda gave the same response as his first.

"It was probably then I realized, that I probably didn't need my memories to know about you. But, I didn't know you, I couldn't remember you, yet I could call you as if you and I were closed. That's why I was so confused about this, so frightened about it, that I decided to forget about it and never mention it again.

But Yuu, when you saved me and protected me again, I realized, you can understand me, and I can understand you just as well. Even though I cannot remember you, I can understand you. We understand each other, even when... I'm in this state."

"And? What are you trying to say?"

Lavi paused, resting his forehead on the door again. He breathed in deeply again

"... I-I love you, Yuu."

Kanda's eyes widened at those words. He immediately sat up, ignoring the slight pain in his chest and left the bed to stand up.

"W-What did you just say?" he still found it hard to believe, till he heard those words from the redhead again.

"I-I know it's selfish of me to say this, after making you suffered all these time. But Yuu, no matter how confused, or how scared I am, my feelings... will never change. No matter how much I deny it, how much I still cannot remember about you, I still... feel for you, Yuu."

"Che, if you're doing this just to make me feel better, then-"

"No!" Lavi had unintentionally increased the volume of his voice. He realized and changed his mistake soon. "I'm not doing this... just to make you feel better." Lavi's hand then clenched his heart, closing his eye soon after.

"When I called for you when you risked your life to save me, I called you by your name, not because my memories remembered, but my body did. When I'm together with you, I feel safe and comfortable with you, a total stranger to me but yet not as well. That's probably because my feelings are calling to you.

"Yuu... even without the memories, no matter how scared I am of this feeling, how confused I am, my... heart calls out for you. What is this, Yuu? Is this feeling really okay?"

Lavi was so engrossed in his words, that he failed to hear and realize that Kanda had stood up from the bed and was walking towards the door...

"Even when my memories are taken, my feelings, my heart, the bonds I had will never be taken. So tell me, Yuu. Is this... alright? Even without my memories, can I still love you, with just my heart? No matter how much my mind tells me that I shouldn't love someone I cannot remember, my heart; it's telling me that I am right."

Kanda had already reached the door, waiting for Lavi to say the right words again. He needed the confirmation one more time and one last time.

"But, it _feels_ right. It feels too right for me to say it, no matter how much I remember, how much I don't remember."

Lavi had failed to even realize Kanda was turning the knob of the door.

"Yuu, I... I really love you."

Finally hearing the words he wanted for so long, Kanda immediately swung opened the door. Lavi of course, was surprised at such a sudden movement from the door and Kanda, eye widening and mouth gaping as Kanda's figure was revealing itself more in Lavi's sight as the door was swung open at an increasing angle inwards into the room as each second passed.

Lavi noticed the expression of determination in Kanda's face and eyes, and the next thing he knew, he could felt a hand on his wrist that were originally placed on the door, and pulled him by the wrist through the threshold of the room, closer to Kanda as the Japanese exorcist rested his hands on Lavi's hips and waist.

And before Lavi could say or do anything, Lavi's eye widened further as his lips were claimed. But just like the previous kiss, Lavi showed no resistance, but froze till he felt something hard nipped his lips, causing him to gasp in surprise, giving Kanda the chance to push his tongue into Lavi's mouth.

Unintentionally, Lavi closed his eye and moaned softly as Kanda's tongue exploded everywhere in his mouth, nipping and sucking as if he was hungry and Lavi was his only food left to savor till the very last moment.

But soon enough, Lavi gave in to the warmth and love Kanda was showering him with, lifting his hands and arms to wrap around the back of Kanda's neck, pulling Kanda closer to him. He parted his lips even further, kissing Kanda back and deepening their kiss as the door behind them moved and closed.

**To Be Continued...**

_OMG another chap ending with an epic kiss! XD XD XD_

_as usual, please please please review! Especially if ya gonna fave or alert!_

_You have no idea how the reviews for the previous chapters made me jubilant and jumping for joy! ^_^ :DDDDD_

_furthermore, I have been convinced by a friend to enable anonymous reviews! So even if u dun have a acc feel free to review as well! _

_BUT no flaming! XP_

_sa-te to, august-chan will now go work on chap 16! look out for it! =DDD_

_till then, jya ne~!_

_August-chan_

_P.S. Will like to say sorry to all fans of 'My World' for the slow update. I promise I will get it updated asap! So till then try be patient with me k? Ur patience and understanding are always very much appreciated ^_^ _


	16. Gratitude and True Love

_as usual, please read the following before the chapter:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst_

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT**_ _own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

_A message from me: Sorry for the late update because I was busy with some school stuff. But now with Chinese new year, I finally found the time I needed for this! Phew! ^_^_

_ok then, enjoy~!_

**Chapter 16 – Allen ****and Lenalee's Advice 2 : Gratitude and True Love**

_And before Lavi could say or do anything, Lavi's eye widened further as his lips were claimed. But just like the previous kiss, Lavi showed no resistance, but froze till he felt something hard nipped his lips, causing him to gasp in surprise, giving Kanda the chance to push his tongue into Lavi's mouth._

_Unintentionally, Lavi closed his eye and moaned softly as Kanda's tongue exploded everywhere in his mouth, nipping and sucking as if he was hungry and Lavi was his only food left to savor till the very last moment._

_But soon enough, Lavi gave in to the warmth and love Kanda was showering him with, lifting his hands and arms to wrap around the back of Kanda's neck, pulling Kanda closer to him. He parted his lips even further, kissing Kanda back and deepening their kiss as the door behind them moved and closed._

_****Earlier that day****_

"So you're saying..." Lucas said when Lenalee finished her story from what she knew about Lavi, how Lavi's personality was, his relationships with everyone including with Kanda, and how Lavi 'died' two years ago. "Rufus wasn't allowed to love or feel, just because he's a 'Bookman'?"

Lenalee nodded her head in acknowledgement, while Lucas could only froze for a while in surprise, especially on the part where Lavi was forbidden to have human emotions.

"But... he does have emotions," Lucas recovered from the surprise and said these words with a tone of determination. "He does love, whether it is before or after he lost his memories."

"Yes," Lenalee agreed. "According to Allen-kun, the difference in Lavi we are seeing right now is that Lavi is able to express his feelings more openly than before; he had to block out and hide all emotions and care he had when he was with us, and his relationship with Kanda had to be hidden as a secret. That's why to us, the Lavi right now could be the true 'Lavi' as a human, not as a 'Bookman', and as for that, we're..."

Lenalee's words were slowly fading, hesitating to say out her next few words. But Lucas had made a good guess at the words.

"You people are glad that Rufus lost his memories more than I do, aren't you?"

Lenalee could only nodded slowly, feeling slightly guilty for the truth in Lucas' words and her acknowledgement.

"In the past... Lavi always... smile. Despite all the dilemma and struggles his heart was facing, despite all the sadness and frustrations his heart was feeling, Lavi always hid them all and not showed it to anyone, and always smile and laugh cheerfully in front of all of us, that no one suspected at all about his troubles. He never really showed any pain or weakness to everyone because it would be a failure as a 'Bookman'. Usually it was every one else who felt sad and troubled, Lavi was the one who helped us, but no one was able to help him...

"But Kanda... changed all of that. Lavi was able to express his feelings more openly; but was still very careful always so as not to get caught by his master. With Kanda, Lavi was able to smile more sincerely. Before that, he himself couldn't even tell his smile was real or fake. But Kanda was the one that changed him. He changed his smile, his happiness, his life. It was thanks to Kanda, Lavi could... feel love."

"So he loved... even when he wasn't allowed..."

"When I asked Lavi about it, he said it was Kanda that promised him, that he will protect him, keep him by his side no matter what happens, and that gave him the courage he needed to continue to love Kanda despite all the odds he had and soon will face. As long as Kanda cherishes him and doesn't let him go, he too will stay."

Upon hearing those words, Lucas' eyes widened for second, but soon narrowed and looked down to his feet. Lenalee caught the surprise in the Norwegian's eyes.

"Lucas-san? What's wrong?" Lenalee asked, concerned.

"Rufus... He said the same thing before to me."

"Huh?"

"When... I got injured at my shoulder from protecting him..." Lucas said as he raised his left hand to touch his right shoulder. "Rufus cried for some time and kept saying he was sorry."

"_I'm sorry... sorry... please... I..."_

"I tried telling him it's alright, everything is. There's nothing to worry about. But still, he..."

"_I'm sorry... it's all... my fault..." _

"And I could only think of telling him..."

"_If you're really sorry, then, stay with me. Stay by my side and take care of me," the Norwegian smiled as he said that._

"_Lucas..." the redhead embraced him as he heard those words, continuing to cry. "If that's what you really want..."_

"_It __**is**__ what I wanted, for a long time..." Lucas said as he hugged back with his uninjured and free arm. The other was wrapped in bandages and a white cloth tied to the shoulder._

"_Then, as long as you want, as long as you don't let me go, I will stay... with you..."_

Lucas smiled slightly upon remembering that moment. At that time, his 'Rufus' was just like a lost, weak and scared boy, unable to find himself belonging anywhere, unable find himself to go anywhere, unable find himself to trust anyone, even himself.

With no memories of his past, 'Rufus' was trapped in a world of constant fear, confusion and uneasiness.

With no one else to turn to, 'Rufus' could only go to Lucas, who protected him, take care of him and always stay with him, despite everything that tried to stop him.

And 'Rufus', just like he said he would, he stayed with him for two years without leaving his side, taking care of him and tried helping him in whatever way he could to make the Norwegian safe and happy. The redhead as such made no effort to search for his past, his memories, and lived for two years with the person 'Rufus' fell in love with.

But wait.

Was it really the right thing to do?

Lucas stared into the burning fireplace again, letting his thoughts flowed.

He remembered the day he confessed to the redhead, where the redhead simply responded by allowing him to touch him, embrace him and kiss him in whatever way he wanted. The day they confessed to each other was a day filled with touches, emotions and promises. Lucas had wished many times before that the redhead would never regain back his memories, would never try to search for his past, and would always stay with him, with memories or not.

But Lucas knew that it wasn't the right thing to do. The redhead had every right to know who he was, to know about himself and his past. Despite the hidden desires, Lucas felt that the redhead should be trying to find any clues about his past, if the redhead had wanted. Lucas, being the only one he trusted, should be helping him in that.

But he was selfish. As a human, he wanted his desires and dreams to be fulfilled. So for two whole years, he kept quiet, thinking that it was also better that the redhead himself would come talk to him about it if he really wanted to find out about his past.

But the redhead never came to him to tell him about it at all. For two years, the redhead just stayed with the Norwegian mountaineer without mentioning anything about his past. Sometimes it was as if the redhead had intentionally avoided any mentions of his past, as if the redhead felt that doing such thing would only break apart the peace and happiness they were enjoying with each other, and he didn't want that.

It wasn't that Lucas never thought that the redhead could be avoiding to look for his past for his sake so that he would stay with him and not hurt him. Lucas had considered that possibility, but was too selfish to mention to the redhead and encourage the redhead to search for his past.

He wanted the redhead too much to let him go.

Lucas chuckled upon his realization, also realizing that his thoughts and personality right now were the opposite that Lavi had thought of him. Lavi had thought that Lucas loved him and thus would always think about his welfare and would never, ever hurt him. The redhead's welfare and safety would always be his top priority and the most important to him.

But the redhead had no idea how wrong he was.

Lucas had given up everything he had for Lavi's sake and gave the redhead everything that Lavi needed and wanted, except for one thing due to his selfishness.

Lucas had failed to give Lavi the encouragement he needed to search for his past.

"Lucas-san?" Lenalee had heard the chuckle from Lucas and was getting worried about what the Norwegian was thinking about.

In response, Lucas turned to Lenalee, and looking at her made him realize something else.

Kanda.

When Kanda came, everything changed. His 'Rufus' was changing. He was getting further away from him. The distance between him and his 'Rufus' was growing by each day, each hour, each minute and each second.

As time passed, as the fightings happened, he realized he couldn't understand the redhead any longer.

It won't be long, before the person he loved was beyond his reach.

Everything was changing. It won't be long before his 'Rufus' would change back to 'Lavi'.

This time, he really had to let go.

"In the end..." Lucas looked at Lenalee and started speaking. "I couldn't understand anything..."

"Lucas-san?" Lenalee was getting really concerned.

"In the end... I couldn't do anything..."

Lenalee could only stared at the Norwegian as he talked.

"In the end... I... wasn't the one..." Lucas looked down at the floor, brown locks covering his eyes as he said those words. He bit his lower lip to hold back his tears and eyes narrowed in pain and misery as realization hit him.

In the end, he wasn't the one the redhead truly loved.

Lenalee, being the observant and kind-hearted girl she was, walked over to sit beside the Norwegian and placed her hand on his shoulder for comfort and encouragement.

"It wasn't that Lavi didn't love you at all, Lucas-san," Lenalee said, but there was no response from the Norwegian.. "I'm sure that Lavi... he did love you for some time. He really did. If not, he wouldn't choose to stay with you and not care about his past in the beginning. I could tell Lavi was... sincere about staying with you, Lucas-san."

Lenalee stopped talking, and kept looking at the Norwegian for any sign of movement.

And after several seconds, Lucas finally turned to look at Lenalee with an expression full of sadness and exhaustion, as if he had not slept for days.

"There's no need to comfort me, Lenalee. I knew it fully well."

Lucas looked at the floor again, took in a deep breathe and looked at Lenalee again.

"If it's you... what would you do?" Lucas asked with a tone of helplessness and misery. Right now, he needed help, an advice, anything he could do to make the misery and pain in his heart to fade away. The pain could be too much for him.

"Lucas-san..." Lenalee thought about some time when Lucas asked, and the scene right now reminded her of how Allen had come to her few years ago when he found out that the person Lavi loved was Kanda. The Lucas right now was having the same expression and the same eyes as Allen had, filled with sadness over their unrequited love.

"I'm sorry, Lucas-san," Lenalee said. It was the first thing she could thought of saying when she saw the eyes of the Norwegian, filled with too much fear and agony. "I think it would be better if you asked Allen-kun for advice. But if you really want me to answer I would only say, talk."

"Talk?"

"Talk to Lavi about your feelings. Talk to him about everything you've been going through all these times. All the answers you need are with Lavi, Lucas-san. So it would be best to sort out all your feelings with Lavi. But most importantly, give Lavi the chance to make his choice."

"Choice?" Lucas could only look at Lenalee with a slight frown and confusion. "Haven't I given him a choice already?"

Lenalee could sense the confusion and slowly shook her head.

"It's not that you're not giving Lavi a choice, Lucas-san. It's Lavi that is not giving himself a choice, and it's probably because of you."

"Huh?"

"You gave up everything for Lavi's sake. You could have lost your arm and career as a mountaineer when you protected Lavi. You could have lost your life saving Lavi. You left your family and friends in order to be with Lavi. You gave up too much for Lavi's sake, and for that, Lavi himself feels that he owed you too much and the only way he can think of how to repay you and show his appreciation and gratitude is to sacrifice everything he had to stay by your side always, just like how you sacrificed for him.

"With all that you have done for him, there is no way Lavi could have the heart to leave you, Lucas-san. To Lavi, leaving you will be considered a betrayal to you and all that you have sacrificed for him; it will definitely hurt you too much and there's no way Lavi could bring himself to do that to you, not when you did so much for his sake."

Lucas stared hard at Lenalee as he processed what she had said. He could only lowered his head to cover his eyes in sadness and stayed silent as he realized the truth behind the Chinese's words. Lenalee was right. The only person that was causing the redhead to hold back his true feelings was Lucas himself, and he knew that. Reality really could hurt someone a lot at so many points of time.

"Which is why you needed to talk to Lavi, Lucas-san," Lenalee continued when she saw nothing but silence from the Norwegian. "Let him know he's got to make the choice he wants, not you, not Kanda, or anyone else wants. And only you could do that. Lucas-san, you're the only one that can give Lavi that right and permission right now."

Again, silence followed. Lenalee knew that it was an important decision for the Norwegian to make which was why she decided to keep quiet and let Lucas think and take all the time he needed. After a few minutes, Lucas still remained in his down and silent position, and Lenalee concluded that maybe Lucas needed either more time or more privacy to decide what he should do, so she removed her hand from Lucas' shoulder and was about to stand up to walk away when she suddenly heard a soft chuckle from the Norwegian.

"Talk to Rufus? There's no need for me to do that," Lucas finally spoke after he chuckled, but still with his head lowered and eyes covered. "All I had to do is-"

Suddenly, the phone in the mansion rang, cutting off Lucas' words. Lenalee and Lucas turned and stared at the ringing phone, then looked at each other.

No one should be calling at this time of the night. No, it should be no one should be even calling to the mansion in the first place. Ever since Lucas left his family, he had never came back to the mansion and Lucas' family should know this very well. Furthermore, no one except for the five people in the mansion should know that Lucas and the redhead were in the mansion right now.

However, that didn't change the fact that Lucas' family knew this place, for it was his father that had given him the mansion for his own personal use few years ago. So there was a possibility they may come looking for him here. But there was something that decreased that possibility, and that was no one in his family knew that his cottage on the island he had lived in with Lavi had been burnt down by lightning. Unless...

"Shit," Lucas cursed and immediately stood up to pick up the phone. He gave no greeting and stayed quiet for the person on the other side of the phone to start talking.

"Nicholas," Lucas said in relief a few seconds after picking up the phone. He stayed quiet again for several seconds. "What? Are you serious?"

The sudden loudness and slight shock and anger in Lucas' voice caused Lenalee to jump in surprise, and she looked at the Norwegian with an expression of shock and worry.

"... Fine," Lucas finally said after another seconds of silence. "Thanks, I owe you one for this, Nicholas."

And with that, Lucas hung up the phone, put down the receiver and looked at Lenalee with a serious expression.

_****Break****_

The kiss felt warm, too warm.

The kiss felt soft, too soft.

The kiss felt right, too right.

And right now, there seemed to be nothing holding him back for Lavi to enjoy the kiss he was sharing with Kanda as he pulled Kanda closer and kissed back, tongues sliding through each other and exploring each other's mouth.

The hands on Lavi's hips tightened, and he too pulled Lavi closer as he took control of the kiss and licked every part inside Lavi's mouth; his upper jaw, his teeth, the muscle under the tongue, the insides of his cheek and deep to the throat. Saliva was forming in Lavi's mouth as Kanda continued exploring, tasting Lavi and allowing the excess saliva to flow out of the corner of Lavi's mouth.

Lavi could only moan as he allowed Kanda to do as he pleased in his mouth, trying his best to let his tongue intrude Kanda's mouth to taste him as well. It wasn't long he needed air and tried to break free, but Kanda refused to stop as if he was still hungry for more of Lavi and would continue savoring him till his hunger faded and his needs satisfied. Lavi began to moan louder as he struggled to break free.

Feeling the struggle and also his need for air, Kanda pulled back, a string of saliva connecting their mouths and tongues. Both were panting and blushing, with Lavi's face blushing more heavily. But it was as if he wasn't satisfied yet, Kanda allowed Lavi only a short time to pant and breathe in as much air as he could, before holding on to Lavi's head and reclaimed Lavi's lips again. Lavi's lips was already parted due to the pantings so Kanda quickly pushed his tongue in to once again explode every part of Lavi's mouth. Lavi moaned and tightened his grip on Kanda in response, willing his tongue to touch and dance with Kanda's again.

Warmth, passion, desires, lust and love. He could feel them in Kanda's kiss. And for some reason, he wanted this just as much as Kanda wanted.

It wasn't long when they broke apart for air again, the string of saliva still connecting the two as they panted. The string soon broke, and Kanda who had calmed down from the pantings went up to lick at the excess saliva at the corner of Lavi's mouth, tasting more of the redhead. Lavi blushed more furiously at the touch of Kanda's tongue on his face, and stilled as he felt Kanda's tongue travelled down to his neck, licking up gently but quickly from his collarbone to his lower jaw. Kanda then blew lightly on the trail of saliva on the neck, causing Lavi to shiver from the cold and the tickling sensation on the neck. To replace the cold, Kanda then kissed and sucked down the trail with his warm lips.

"Ah..." Lavi moaned softly as he felt the sensation on his neck. "Yuu..."

Hearing his name, Kanda smirked on Lavi's neck and pulled back to look at Lavi, who was panting heavily with a face with similar color as his fiery red hair. His eye was half-closed and Kanda could tell Lavi was already getting aroused and he smirked upon the sight.

"W-What... d-did you just-" despite the panting, Lavi was able to speak.

"What's wrong? Don't know what a kiss is? Lavi?"

Lavi's eye widened upon hearing that from Kanda, reminding him one of the flashbacks he had seen some time ago. He shook his head quickly.

"N-No, it's just-"

Kanda kissed Lavi again before Lavi had the chance to finish his sentence. Both men opened their mouth at the same time without asking this time, and both quickly moved their tongue to touch each other. Too engrossed in the kiss, Lavi failed to notice Kanda's hands had left his hips to his back and his hands on his neck. The next thing he knew, Kanda broke apart the kiss and pulled Lavi towards the bed and threw him on it and swiftly landed himself on top of Lavi with his knees and legs in between Lavi's legs and his hands on both side of Lavi's head. Lavi looked at Kanda with apparent shock and hesitation.

"W-Wait a minute, Yuu, I-"

"What? You expect me to wait after you had said those words outside the door?"

"T-That's not what I... I mean..." Lavi flustered as he placed his hands on Kanda's chest, accidentally pushing on the area where Kanda's wounds were situated. Kanda groaned softly in response.

"I-I'm sorry!" Lavi said as soon as he heard the groan. As he expected, disturbing Kanda was a bad idea and he should leave right now to prevent Kanda from doing anything that could aggravate his wound. "M-Maybe... I should-"

Lavi sat up to show his intention to leave, but Kanda wouldn't allow it as he quickly embrace the redhead.

"No wait Lavi... don't..."

"But Yuu, your wounds-"

"I'm fine, really. I'm really alright. So please..."

"Yuu..."

"Stay with me... Lavi... Don't go..."

Lavi was surprised again as he heard the familiar pleading voice the same as the one in the vague memories he had right now. Hearing that voice caused some sort of guilty feeling inside Lavi, so he couldn't help but hugged Kanda back.

"It's alright Yuu... I'm not going anywhere so..."

Kanda pulled back slightly to look up at Lavi with a face of hesitation, but soon smiled as he saw Lavi nodded slowly with a smile. Kanda leaned forward to kiss Lavi again, and gently pushing Lavi down to have him lie comfortably on the bed. After another contact with their tongues, Lavi moaned as he not only could feel Kanda's hot tongue exploding his mouth hungrily again, but could also feel Kanda's cold hand going under his shirt to explode the muscles underneath the cotton.

Kanda soon pulled back, and looked at Lavi's face. It was heavy in red, but Kanda could see there was a hint of hesitation hiding behind the blushes.

"Lavi..." Kanda moved his hand to pull the shirt on Lavi up till the collarbone, revealing the naked chest, stomach and abdomen of the one he loved. Lavi shivered as his exposed skin felt the cold air, and gasped and arched his body when he could feel Kanda pinching one of his nipples. "What are you thinking right now? Lavi?"

Lavi, who was panting and overwhelmed by the passion he could feel, almost missed the question. But he managed to catch it and quickly shook his head.

He couldn't possibly let Kanda know that he was thinking about Lucas right now. Lavi couldn't help but worried if Lucas were to suddenly come into the room to see his redhead lover with another man trying to do... something on the bed. Lavi could imagine Lucas' most probable reaction upon the sight. It was an awkward, serious and tensed scenario that Lavi didn't want to see.

Especially when there's no doubt to be nothing but pain, anger and agony reflected in the Norwegian's eyes, his heart painfully stabbed and tortured by the pain of the redhead's betrayal.

There was no doubt Lucas' heart would be broken and pierced through mercilessly by Lavi, and it was something Lavi couldn't bear to see and do, not after Lucas had done so much for him. There was definitely no way Lavi could betray Lucas.

But for some reason, what he was having with Kanda right now felt too right, that he willed himself not to think about it. But still...

"Lavi?" Lavi was broken out by his inner thoughts and responded to Kanda's calling by looking at his dark eyes. He needed it. Lavi needed something from Kanda. He needed a confirmation. Lavi needed a confirmation from Kanda that what they were doing was right, and it's okay for them to continue. Lavi looked hard into the eyes of Kanda, trying to find some sort of hint or something to confirm his doubts and worries.

Kanda too, looked hard into Lavi's single green eye, to find some sort of hint at what the redhead was thinking. Lavi was obviously worried about something and he had hoped Lavi's eye reflected his thoughts and looked hard into it.

After gazing into each other's eyes for a few moments, Kanda seemed to have found something as he was the one that blinked first, then soon heaved a sigh. Lavi blinked, more at his confusion on what Kanda had figured out and was taken aback when Kanda gently kissed him again, wrapping his arms around Lavi to bring him into a tight but warm embrace. With no intention for dominance, Kanda gently pulled back after an instant contact of his tongue with Lavi's. He looked into the eye of Lavi again.

"It's okay, Lavi."

"Huh?" Lavi blinked again, surprised at Kanda's comment. It was the confirmation he had searched for in Kanda's eyes, and Kanda was seemed to be giving him, knowing all of his thoughts.

"It's okay, Lavi. As long as you're willing to stay with me, I will do anything to keep you by my side. So don't think about anything else, Lavi."

Lavi's eye widened at that assurance. It was that assuring voice. The same assuring that he heard in his mind, in the flashes of memories he regained a few minutes ago.

It was that assuring voice that caused Lavi to give in to the warmth, the sense of security he found in the Japanese exorcist. It was that voice that caused him to finally stop thinking about thinking and filled his mind only with nothing but Kanda.

And finally, he gave in and showed no resistance when Kanda leaned forward and gave Lavi another kiss on the lips, which lasted for a moment before moving his lips towards Lavi's neck. Meanwhile, Kanda's hand had began to run down Lavi's side slowly, arousing Lavi with a tickling sensation at his side. Feeling Lavi's arousal, Kanda moved his the other hand down at the other side.

"W-Wait, Yuu..." Lavi was holding back his laughter at the tickling sensation. "T-That tickles, stop it- Mmm!" Lavi was really doing his best to not to laugh, but Kanda still continued the motions, making Lavi no longer able to hold back anymore. Kanda stopped his motions upon hearing Lavi's laughter, confusing Lavi. Lavi looked down to see a sincere smile on Kanda's face while looking at the redhead.

"Yuu?" Lavi stared at Kanda with a questionable gaze.

"Nothing." Kanda replied as he lifted a hand to brush Lavi's red locks to expose more of his face to the Japanese exorcist. "It's just... that was the first time I finally hear you laugh, after two years and after I found you alive..."

Lavi blinked upon that comment, reminding him of his cruel torture to Kanda two years ago where he left him in a way he still couldn't remember, and then appeared two years later not recognizing him at all, breaking and tormenting his heart which was probably already ached with agony but was worsened with just three simple words of 'who are you' when they reunited.

Hesitantly, but surely, Lavi sat up, Kanda showed no resistance as Lavi's hand went up to cup Kanda's face on both sides.

"I'm sorry," Lavi said before Kanda had the opportunity to ask about Lavi's sudden gesture. "I'm sorry, Yuu."

"For?" Kanda felt he had to ask.

"For making you suffered because of me," Lavi replied with a sad face while his hands still on Kanda's face. "Though I still cannot remember how we separated, but it doesn't change the fact I have hurt you, tortured you and pained you with nothing but grief and agony for the past two years and for the past few days which I only made it worse by being unable to remember you."

"Lavi, you-"

"These two years, you must have blamed yourself, keep hating yourself and spend your life with never-ending regrets and grief, didn't you? And it's all my fault, isn't it..."

"But Lavi, it's not-"

"I'm sorry, Yuu. I know saying sorry is not going to remedy what damage I had done. But I know I can make it up to you, if you let me, though I still can't really remember a lot of things..."

Seeing that Lavi was not going to let him finish whatever he was about to say, Kanda lifted up his hands to touch Lavi's and pull them away to get his attention. Though surprised, Lavi silently watched Kanda placed his one of his hands on his chest and the other on his own. Lavi shifted his gaze at both hands while waiting for Kanda to say something.

"Indeed, my heart hurts, even till now," Kanda said, causing Lavi to look up at him. "But yours seemed to hurt just as much."

Lavi blinked at that comment.

"Yuu, what-"

"For the past two years, your life wasn't easy either. You ran away from the town, cried a few times whenever that Lucas got hurt and cried a few times alone whenever you blamed yourself. And you couldn't do anything except to only watch things happen, and you keep praying to God, hoping He will forgive you when you have done nothing wrong.

"You're just like me, trying to keep everything to yourself, rejecting other people when they tried to help, don't want them to worry unnecessarily, though in my case I refused to accept a certain person's help out of dislike. So in terms of our level of suffering, yours is just as bad as mine."

"But Yuu, I-"

"Tell me Lavi. Ever since we met in the forest, how many times have you blamed yourself for causing me to get injured while saving you? How many times have you blamed yourself for causing my suffering? How many times have you blamed yourself, for not remembering me?"

"T-That..." Lavi said as he looked down. He had no idea when did Kanda realize such things from him, so was slightly surprised at it. Kanda noticed such gesture, and decided to ask Lavi the one thing he had always wanted to ask...

"Tell me, Lavi. Do you really not remember anything? Anything at all? Even if it's just a little, do you still not remember anything? About yourself, about the Black Order, about your _nakama_, about... us?"

Lavi gasped meekly and softly upon hearing that question, then slowly looked up to meet the eyes of Kanda's.

"I-I-I-" Lavi stuttered, unsure how to continue and how to answer. But he knew that the Japanese exorcist needed to know. "Yuu, I-I already-"

Knock knock.

The sound suddenly came from the door, interrupting what Lavi was about to say. Lavi immediately shifted his eye from Kanda to the door, while Kanda growled darkly and loudly in annoyance. Just how many times were there going to be interruptions between him and Lavi today? And at the 'best' timings too.

Knock knock. The sound came again, this time louder than the first.

"What?" Kanda growled in frustration at the person knocking on the door. Whoever was the one knocking on the door had better be prepared to face Kanda's wrath, especially if the reason for it was a stupid and not urgent one...

"I'm sorry to be disturbing you, Kanda. But is Rufus there too?"

Lavi gasped upon hearing that voice, and tried to tell Kanda not to say anything stupid but...

"Yes, Lavi's here with me. So wha- Ouch!"

"Idiot! How could you?" Lavi exclaimed after smacking Kanda on the head.

"What the hell?" Kanda turned back to look at Lavi with an annoyed look while he rubbed on the area where Lavi hit him.

Lavi quickly looked towards the door to wait for a reaction from Lucas, but none came for several minutes. The silence was worrying the redhead.

"L-Lucas, I-"

"No time for this, Rufus," Lucas finally said at the other side of the door.

"Huh?"

"Things cropped up. Bad news. You need to leave as soon as possible before sunrise."

Lavi could only stare at the door with a look of surprise and confusion, but also with a look of worry and panic.

"You don't mean..."

"I'm sorry, Rufus," Lucas said with a tone of tiredness and surrender at the other side of the door. "They're coming."

**To be continued...**

_once again, sorry for the late update. Another reason I had was that I had a pretty hard time with this chapter, esp on the part where I have to change between 'Rufus' and 'Lavi'. Tell me if I had confuse anyone or had done a bad job regarding this part._

_But as for other parts, what do you think?_

_Please review! Especially if you're gonna fave or alert! (though I won't curse you or I doubt anything bad will happen to you for not doing so)_

_but reviews are the greatest motivation for all authors so will really appreciate it if u leave one behind =]]]_

_anonymous reviews are welcomed too! BUT no flaming please. =D_

_will go work on chapter 17 now, which I hope myself that I will be able to update soon, though I can't absolutely sure how long I need. =( so be a little patient with me here okay?_

_Then, till next time, jya ne~_

_August-chan_

_P.S. Sorry to all fans of 'My World Is Never Complete Without You'. Will try update asap hopefully by next week since I got time now. But with chinese new year celebration... who knows? =/_

_anyway really sorry and thank you for your great support and patient! =D_

_love you all ^_^_


	17. the Separation

_Hi there. Here is chapter 17!_

_as usual, please read the following before reading:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst_

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT**_ _own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

_a message from me: Sorry for the late update. I tried to upload this chapter asap for I thought chapter 16 wasn't well done. Sorry for that and I hope this chapter makes up for it. =)_

_alright then, Enjoy~!_

**Chapter 17 – Lavi's Sadness : the Separation**

"_Things cropped up. Bad news. You need to leave as soon as possible before sunrise."_

_Lavi could only stare at the door with a look of surprise and confusion, but also with a look of worry and panic._

"_You don't mean..."_

"_I'm sorry, Rufus," Lucas said with a tone of tiredness and surrender at the other side of the door. "They're coming."_

Kanda sent a murderous glare at the Norwegian mountaineer.

"What the fuck do you mean they're coming?" Kanda growled at Lucas, with his arms folded. "I thought you said that this place is safe for us, for Lavi to stay."

"And I did mention that it was dangerous as well," Lucas replied Kanda, slightly annoyed as from Kanda had just said; it seemed Kanda wasn't listening to him at all before they came to the mansion. "I was hoping that no one knows that we are staying in town instead of in the island Rufus and I were staying at."

"Then why are _they_ coming? Since no one should know."

"Because there _is_ someone else other then us the people in this room who knows," Lucas said heavily, trying to emphasize his point. "You can't expect us to stay in the inn we were at just now without anyone finding out. At least the innkeeper knows."

"Then why can't he keep his mouth shut?"

"What makes you think he will protect Rufus when he too had thought that the 'Devil's son' had caused all the problems the town is facing right now?"

"Then you should have-"

"Stop fighting!"

Both Kanda and Lucas looked at Lenalee, who was finding the arguments from the pair annoying and not helping so she went in between them to push them apart.

"Right now quarreling is not gonna help us get anywhere," Lenalee reprimanded the two as she turned side by side to look at the two to make sure her message get across their heads. "We should be helping to think of ways to get Lavi out of here right now instead."

"Lenalee's right," Allen said. "There's no time for fighting, Kanda. They could be here anytime."

"Shut up, _moyashi_," Kanda said as he glared at Allen, before he turned to look at the redhead sitting at the bed beside Allen.

As expected, the redhead was shivering. He had his hands crossed holding on to the upper arms, as if trying to prevent himself from trembling further. His eye had been dazing to the floor, slightly widened due to the fear and panic.

Kanda couldn't help but felt slightly annoyed and worried at Lavi's expression, so he quickly turned to glare at Lucas again.

"When are they coming? You'd better had come out with something that can help us escape."

"According to Nicholas," Lucas immediately replied. "They were still going around the town asking for more assistance when he called me. It should take some time but knowing how much the townspeople hated Rufus, it won't take them long to find enough people and head straight here."

Lucas paused, then looked over Kanda's shoulder at the trembling redhead.

"Which is why you need to leave now, Rufus. Like Allen-kun said, they could here anytime."

Lavi tensed further upon hearing those words, and his grip on his upper arms tightened further.

"O-Okay..." Lavi weakly replied as he tried to stand up despite his trembling legs. Kanda tried to went up to help, but was beaten by Allen to it.

"Rufus," Lucas said when he saw the redhead standing up. "You would have to go through the forest behind at the back door to get through. You know the way around, do you?"

Lavi slowly nodded, but then froze for a while before looking up at the Norwegian as he realized something from his words just now.

"W-Why did you ask Lucas?" Lavi couldn't help worrying. "Aren't you going to lead us the way?"

Lucas looked at Lavi's eye, seeing worry other than panic. He heaved a sigh, and slowly looked at Lavi again and smiled before talking.

"I'm sorry Rufus, but I have to stay."

Lavi's eye widened upon those words, shocked at what he had just heard.

"W-What?" Lavi said in panic, praying at the same time that Lucas wasn't going to do the thing he was afraid he would do the most...

"I have to stay, Rufus. I'm the only one who can distract them and give you enough time to escape safely to the other side of town."

"B-But Lucas, that's-"

"If you're worried I'm gonna get hurt then there's no need to. You should know that Tina and the townspeople wouldn't hurt me. I'm far too important in town. I'm still needed here."

"B-But Lucas, I-I don't-"

"And it's about time you head home, Rufus, with your friends."

Lavi's eye widened again at that comment, processing what the Norwegian was saying. Lavi had stopped trembling, so he lightly pushed Allen aside and slowly ran up to Lucas.

"No!" Lavi yelled as he hugged Lucas tightly. "I can't do that! I-I don't want to leave you, Lucas! Please don't tell me to go away..."

"Rufus..."

"Please... don't tell me to leave you..." Lavi was beginning to cry. Allen could only stared at the scene in shock, while Lenalee and Kanda watched calmly, though Kanda's was trying his best to quell his anger by turning around to have his back facing the pair hugging.

Lucas sighed as he heard the redhead cry again and lifted his hand up to stroke the red hair resting on his shoulder.

"But Rufus, you have to. People will be coming soon to hurt you if you continue to stay with me. Staying with them would be better for you."

"But-"

"And since you had already realized your true feelings, then there's no reason for you to stay with me any longer."

Lavi slightly pulled back to look at the Norwegian in confusion.

"What are you saying, Lucas. Of course I have a reason to stay. Y-You always helped whenever I'm in trouble. You're the one who saved me. Without you, I wouldn't be here at all. So please don't say-"

"But you don't loved me." Lucas quickly interrupted the redhead.

"Huh?"

"Rufus, all this time, you stayed with me, but you're not doing this out of love, but out of gratitude and obligation. Because I had sacrificed so much for you, you keep thinking you owed me for all these, and thus you could not bear the will and the heart to leave me and search for yourself, for your past even though you were so curious and really wanted to know your past."

"B-But, L-L-Lucas. I-" Lavi stuttered, trying to explain but couldn't find the right words because he realized deep in his heart, the words were true. Those were probably the feelings he had unknowingly realized and inspired thanks to that talk from Allen.

"Rufus," Lucas cupped Lavi's wet cheeks with a pair of eyes with determination. "You have already done enough to repay all those times and with that, please stop blaming yourself for whatever that had happened."

"Lucas..."

"I'm sorry, Rufus. For two years, I had never realized that you had blamed yourself all along, and I had no idea about it and only kept thinking of keeping you by my side. I failed to understand your feelings, but you silently went along with my selfishness and sacrificed yourself, and that's plenty enough for me."

"No, Lucas," Lavi quickly shook his head on Lucas' shoulder as he cried and hugged the Norwegian tightly again. "That's not true. Not true..."

"You have already done whatever you can so right now you owed me no more. So please, live your life to the fullest from now on; that's my last request to you.

"Can you do that?" Lucas asked sincerely as he stroked the red hair again.

Finally, the time had come.

The time when he had to let go of the one he loved, to let go of his 'Rufus' to go back to being 'Lavi', or 'Bookman', or whoever the redhead wanted to be, but he certainly could not continue to be Rufus.

This was the scene he had expected it to occur sooner or later for the past two years. He had knew that one day he had to release the redhead from his clutches and have the redhead return to his former life.

But he was afraid.

For two years, he tried to keep Lavi here, bound him to himself, did whatever he could to keep him by his side. He couldn't live without his 'Rufus'. Everyone had no idea how much he needed him, how much he loved him. As the son of the mayor here, his life was so fake, so superficial before he met the redhead. Without Rufus, he would have continued living in a life where everything in his life was decided and pre-determined by his parents, who only knew how to honor the family's pride as the mayors of the town for many generations and would do anything to protect their stupid pride. He was just a lifeless puppet even when he sought salvation in his favorite hobby mountaineering.

But he finally found one that had truly changed his life to a whole new angle and brought him nothing but peace, happiness and enjoyment. For the first time in his life, he felt truly alive.

His only salvation was nothing but one person that just suddenly appeared in his life as a lost and almost lifeless redhead with no memories of his past.

Being his only salvation, he refused to let him go. He just wanted to be with him and would do anything to keep him by his side.

But right now, he had to let him go. It's time for him to let go his salvation to protect him, even if it meant going back to his meaningless life before.

Wait.

Maybe not as meaningless as it was used to anymore, for he had done it in order to save his only salvation.

"Rufus," Lucas said as he hugged the crying redhead. "It's alright, Rufus. It really is."

And, he truly meant that because right now, he knew that letting him go was the correct decision to save the one he loved.

Slowly but surely, he looked up to meet Kanda's gaze, who had turned back to look.

"Take care of him," Lucas said with a voice and an expression filled with firmness.

"Che," Kanda looked back with the same firmness and determination. "I will do that even without you telling me to."

Lucas couldn't help but felt relieved and smiled, and he slowly pushed the redhead away from him.

"Go," Lucas said softly to Lavi and then looked up to Kanda again and nodded. Before Lavi had the chance to say anything in protest, he felt himself being pulled away by a strong hand and held by an arm around his waist.

"N-No!" Lavi yelled and struggled as he was being held by Kanda with a firm grip. "I-I can't! I can't leave Lucas to do this! Not him alone! Please! Yuu! Let me-"

"Shut up," Kanda said with firmness but annoyance as well. "Can't you see he's doing this for your sake. You staying with him is not going to help him at all."

"B-But-"

"If you really want him to be happy, then you will come with me and get out of this town safely for his sake," Kanda said softly at Lavi's ear. "Don't waste his sacrifice for you. And crying's not going to help. If you really want to help then do something to make him feel glad for what he's going to do for you."

Lavi's eye widened slightly at Kanda's words, and stayed in silence as tears continued to flow out of his eye. But when Lavi thought about Kanda's words for some time, he shut his eye tightly and wiped away his tears with his sleeve.

"L-Lucas..." Lavi softly and weakly cried out for the Norwegian. Lucas looked back at Lavi with slight curiosity, but his expression soon changed to a surprised one as he saw the redhead smiled forcefully but sincerely.

"Thank you."

Lucas' eyes widened when he heard those words, from the slight surprise but from the relief and contentment as well.

"And thank you too Rufus," Lucas smiled back and said. "I'm... glad that I have met you and I really enjoyed those times spending with you. Even if it's just for a short time, you made me happy.

"And for that, I thank you, my one and only 'Rufus'."

Lavi jumped and widened his eye upon those words, and he raised his hands to try to reach out for the Norwegian, but the hold on his waist was strong and firm.

"Lucas..."

"Now go."

Hearing those words, Kanda nodded and released Lavi to hold onto his hand and leave the room, pulling Lavi along with him. He looked at Lenalee and Allen as he walked past them.

"Go ahead first Kanda, we're just going to... say goodbye," Lenalee said, which Kanda gave his usual response.

"Che, hurry up then," and with that he and Lavi disappeared from the room, their footsteps fading as they walked out of the mansion by the back door.

"Lucas-san..." Allen called the Norwegian as he placed a hand on Lucas' shoulder for comfort. "Is this... really alright?"

"It's for the best," Lucas replied as he looked down and clenched his fist at the side. "Please... Protect Rufus..."

"Don't worry, we will, definitely," Lenalee replied to Lucas' request, which Lucas sighed in relief as he heard those words.

"Thank you," Lucas said as he turned till the pair faced his back, and Allen and Lenalee started to walk away.

"Wait," the pair stopped and turned at the threshold of the door when they heard Lucas speak again. Lucas was talking with still his back facing the pair. "You... loved Rufus too, don't you? Allen-kun?"

"... Yes," Allen was surprised by the sudden sensitive question, but answered nevertheless. "Why do you ask, Lucas-san?"

"When you found out that Rufus doesn't love you... don't you feel... hurt and miserable? Or perhaps even frustrated and angry?"

Allen was surprised again at the question from the Norwegian, but soon realized what he was trying to get at. Allen looked down with a pair of eyes full of despair and clenched his heart as he answered.

"Of course my heart hurts... even right now... I feel miserable and painful... as if my heart and soul was tortured and torn apart by the pain and agony..."

"So, how did you handle this... torture? This agony?"

"To be honest, Lucas-san. I... don't know," Allen replied, still with his heart clenched with pain and grief. "At that time, it really hurts, my heart was really in pain and agony so much that I felt like ripping it out to save myself from the suffering. But I knew that hurting myself will cause Lavi to blame himself for rejecting me, and knowing Lavi he would be guilty and miserable for the rest of his life, so I decided to continue to do my best to live as happy as I can.

"But I realized, even when Lavi rejected me, I still couldn't help but keep watching him, protecting him, and making him happy whenever I can, and the next thing I knew is, as long as Lavi is happy, I will be happy as well. And for that, I'm already content with just staying by Lavi's side, even if it pains my heart to the point that it can kill me."

Allen looked at Lucas' back as he answered firmly without hesitation.

Silence followed Allen's answer while Lucas pondered over what Allen had just said.

Allen was right. Even if Lavi decided not to stay with him, he would always do whatever he could to protect him, and would still love him, and the feelings would not change for the rest of his life. Even if he moved on, his heart would never forget the redhead and these emotions could never be replaced.

When Lucas realized this as he was inspired by Allen's answer, he released the tightness in his fist, indicating he had understood that he had made the right choice.

"Thank you Allen-kun," Lucas finally said after moments of tensed silence. "Now go. Close the door when you leave."

The pair looked at each other, then turned to look at the Norwegian and nodded.

"Thank you, and goodbye, Lucas-san," Lenalee said as she and Allen turned and walked. The sound of door closing was heard, indicating that the exorcists had left the room and soon, the mansion.

Soon, Lucas heaved a deep breath, and then moved towards the bed in the room to lie on it. He then lifted his arms to cover his eyes with the back of his lower arm.

"Rufus..."

Lucas couldn't stop the tears flowing out onto his cheeks as he called the name.

_****Break****_

Kanda carefully walked out of the mansion, making sure no one was outside ready for ambush. After confirming it was safe, he pulled Lavi out along with him and quickly entered the forest behind the mansion.

However, all the time they were walking in the forest, there was nothing but silence between the two. Though Lavi should have been the one leading the way, Kanda had to pull Lavi to walk, and Lavi's responses had been slow and silent whenever Kanda asked for directions. (Lavi only pointed the directions they should go)

Despite the fact they should be hurrying to leave the area, Kanda wasn't forceful in dragging Lavi and continued to walk in a pace he thought Lavi would be comfortable with. He understood that Lavi hadn't recover from the shock and sadness that he had to leave the Norwegian to escape safely on his own. Besides, he needed to wait for Allen and Lenalee to catch up with them because they don't know the way; only Lavi knew.

However, he couldn't help but get annoyed but worried at Lavi's silence. It meant that Lavi really cared a lot for the Norwegian mountaineer and somehow such a fact disturbed him.

Not only it seemed that Lavi could not concentrate on his current task of getting out of the forest, Lavi seemed to even have difficulties walking properly. He probably would not move if not for Kanda dragging him along. His lack of effort in walking properly was soon proven when Lavi accidentally tripped, causing him to fall forward, but Kanda managed to effortlessly catch him before he fell to the snowy ground.

"Are you alright?" Kanda asked as he pulled Lavi up to stand up straight. Lavi nodded, and Kanda, getting frustrated, decided to try to say something to Lavi but stopped, because he could hear movements and footsteps coming from outside the forest.

"This way!" Kanda heard someone shouting somewhere nearby them.

"Shit," Kanda cursed, for hearing movements and sounds coming from someone or people other than Allen and Lenalee could only mean one thing. The townspeople, led by Lucas' sister, Tina, were on their way to the mansion and it wouldn't be long till they find out Lavi had escaped and looked for him. He needed to take Lavi far away from the place.

Thus, quickly, Kanda pulled Lavi again deeper into the forest. He wished he wouldn't need to walk so fast because he and Lavi needed to meet up with Allen and Lenalee first before they left. The two most probably had no idea how to walk through the forest and lurking around the area now could cause a lot of troubles, which one of them could be that the townspeople would capture him or her for them to reveal the whereabouts of the redhead.

But Kanda had no time to worry about the pair right now. He was fairly confident and certain that the two would be able to take care of themselves, and they would not betray and reveal the location of Lavi for they probably didn't even know where is it and they cared too much for Lavi to do that.

As such, without hesitation, Kanda quickened his pace and pulled Lavi more forcefully to rush deeper into the forest. However, he could feel slight resistance at his hand holding another hand. He turned back to look at Lavi with an eyebrow rose in confusion.

"Lavi?" Kanda asked, with Lavi finally looking up at him with a face full of worry and slight panic.

"W-We need to go back," Kanda's eyes widened in response for a while before they narrowed. "A-Allen and Lenalee-san are still there. We need to meet them…"

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue in annoyance. He couldn't believe that Lavi actually had the time and effort to worry for others. "Worry for yourself first, _baka usagi_."

"But-"

"Those two will be fine. They are more adapted to the situation than you are right now. So why not spend your energy on worrying about yourself and getting us out of here before you worry about others?"

"But they don't know the way here. Besides, Lucas-"

"As for that Norwegian, he's going to be more fine. You heard him, the town won't hurt him."

"But…" Lavi looked down at the ground again to prevent Kanda from seeing his face.

Kanda, noticing the gesture, was about to say something but decided against it. Right now telling Lavi to forget about the Norwegian could cause a bad reaction and made the situation right now more tensed, as he knew how much Lavi cared for him.

"So I'm still nothing compared to him, am I?" Kanda whispered softly to himself. However, Lavi managed to catch the words with his good sense of hearing and eye widened in surprise. He then looked up only to see a sad expression on Kanda's face

"Yuu… What did you just say?"

Kanda realized that Lavi had heard what he said, and then he turned back to Lavi. He wanted to say something, but he hesitated.

"Yuu?" Lavi asked again out of concern. He was getting worried since he saw that hurtful face from Kanda. However, Kanda turned around to his original position instead, and tugged Lavi's hand.

"We should continue and hurry leave here. Who knows when those people just now will realize you are not in the mansion and start looking for you here."

Lavi tried to say something else, but seeing Kanda was not going to talk to him about other things that were not about getting out of the forest, Lavi kept quiet and followed Kanda's pull on him. Just as they were walking, Lavi kept looking at their hands that were holding each other.

And Lavi couldn't help but smile as he felt the security from the cold hands gripping him tightly, promising him safety and that he would always stay with him.

_****Break****_

"Shit," Kanda cursed as he slapped his forehead.

"… I'm sorry, Yuu," Lavi apologized again as he heard the word from Kanda. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't concentrating so…"

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue in annoyance. "How many times must I tell you it's fine. We're gonna get out of here, one way or another."

Lavi tried to say something, but decided against it for he knew that it wasn't going to help them solve the current situation.

Apparently the pair had already walked for a time where it felt like an hour had passed, but it seemed they were unable to find an exit to the forest. It's true that Lavi knew the correct way, but it seemed Lavi had given Kanda the wrong directions earlier due to a loss of concentration caused by being distracted from the sadness and shock of having to leave Lucas.

And it seemed after walking, they had landed themselves in a same, familiar location where they were at about half hour ago. Meaning, they had walked in circles for some time.

"Shit," Kanda cursed again. "We're really lost."

Lavi could only nodded guiltily, for he couldn't help but feel it was his fault that they were in such bad situation. He wanted to apologize again, but something had prevented him from doing it. Kanda, who realized the same thing as Lavi had realized, responded by staying still and cursing again quietly.

Apparently both men had heard voices and movements coming from somewhere not far away from them. And Kanda was sure those voices did not belong to Allen and Lenalee. Worse, they could hear footsteps walking on the snow, coming towards them.

"Are you sure about this?" an unfamiliar voice could be heard, which prompted Kanda to quickly hide him and Lavi behind a tree that could hide their presence from the strangers approaching by sight.

"Well, can't say anything about it," another voice said, and the two strangers was getting closer to the point where Kanda could see their faces, but they were unable to notice Kanda and Lavi were behind a tree they were walking passed by. "It's an order from Miss Tina. She strongly suspected that the 'Devil's Son' had escaped into the forest since he's not in the mansion."

"I must say, don't you think that Miss Tina is becoming a bit too obsessed in catching that redhead?"

"You can't blame her, her husband was also one of those mountaineers together with Mr. Lucas that went missing after they found that redhead. She seemed to think it's that 'Devil's Son's fault that she lost her husband.

"And not to mention, that Mr. Lucas, her own brother, actually kept getting in her way. Every time she demanded to meet the redhead from her brother for so many times for the past two years, he always rejected her and the next thing she knew, the pair keep disappearing and moving to another place to live to avoid her. I even heard from the chief that those two had been fighting in town for hundreds of times over handing over the redhead for her husband's sake. Geez is that redhead really worth for Mr. Lucas to defy his sister so many times? And for two years, Alas!"

Kanda's eyes widened slightly at those words, and then looked down at Lavi, whose face showed a heavier shock than his and body trembling slightly in shock and panic. When Kanda saw the two disappeared into the darkness and voices fading indicating their absences, Kanda then turned to look at Lavi again, who was still in the state of shock.

"Don't tell me…" Kanda whispered to Lavi in case there was still someone out there near them. "That Lucas never tell you about this?"

Lavi, still shocked by a fact he just discovered, almost missed the question but managed to catch it, and slowly shook his head. He didn't know. He didn't know something as important as this. He didn't know that Lucas was hiding from him some truth and stuff he should have known that concerned him. He didn't know that Tina's husband was also one of those mountaineers that probably had died because of him. But wait; in the first place, he didn't know who were the mountaineers in the same group as Lucas that he found him in the mountain. And which was why he didn't know how much pain and grief he had caused to the families of those who died after he came. Lucas had apparently been trying to hide him and avoid him from facing those sadness, misery and possibly revenge from his 'victims', even though it wasn't really confirmed that all those deaths were his fault.

But still, it didn't change the fact that Lavi was highly possible, an indirect cause of all these. Lavi trembled at such thoughts.

Kanda noticed this and tried to say something, and it was at that moment that he realized that the temperature around them dropped sharply and white flakes were falling onto them and the ground from the sky.

Kanda cursed mentally as he realized that the weather was turning bad due to the negative emotions Lavi was feeling now.

Kanda quickly stood up, grabbed and pulled Lavi up as well, then looked around as if searching for something. When he was about to head towards a direction which he didn't know whether it was the correct direction or not, something else caught his attention and he stopped in his footsteps. He turned to look at the east direction to confirm what he had just seen, and eyes widened slightly upon the sight.

There was a cottage at the east side of the pair, small and seemed empty. Kanda almost couldn't believe his eyes, as he didn't expect a cottage to be sighted here in the middle of a forest. He turned to look at Lavi to see if Lavi knew anything about it, but it seemed Lavi wasn't concentrating on his surroundings again.

Without waiting for an agreement, Kanda quickly dragged Lavi towards the cottage, which Kanda hoped it was abandoned and empty for them to rest. The weather was turning bad for them to continue walking in the forest and it was getting dangerous considering there were people around searching for Lavi. Resting in the cottage while waiting for Lavi to calm his feelings seemed to be a better idea than any other right now, unless Allen and Lenalee suddenly appeared in front of them right now.

When they reached the door, Kanda slowly opened the door, in case there _was_ someone inside. But seeing the cottage with nothing but a study table and a chair inside, Kanda heaved a sigh in relief as he and Lavi entered. He then closed the door to prevent anyone from seeing them entering and tried to lock the door to prevent anyone from finding them inside, but the door lock was too old that it was already rusted and spoiled.

"Che," Kanda gave up and trying to lock the door and entered the cottage to study the insides again, re-confirming that no one was here. Again, he saw no people and no furniture other than the study table and chair. But he didn't know about the two rooms in the cottage.

"Wait here for me," Kanda turned to look at Lavi, still dazed. "Sit down if you want but just stay here." He patiently waited for some kind of response from Lavi, which he saw he wasn't going to get any so he hesitantly let go of Lavi's hands and walked away into the cottage further for inspection.

_****Break****_

"_You can't blame her, her husband was also one of those mountaineers together with Mr. Lucas that went missing after they found that redhead. She seemed to think it's that 'Devil's Son's fault that she lost her husband and possibly her brother."_

Those words kept ringing in Lavi's mind ever since he heard them. He almost couldn't believe that he heard them. All these times, he had no idea why Tina hated him, he had no idea how much pain he had inflicted on her. At first he thought it was because Tina was doing this for the safety of the town, so any misunderstandings could be cleared sooner or later when the real reason for the irregular changing seasons was revealed. But right now it was clear that Tina really hated him for it could have been his fault that she had lost her loved one, and getting her to forgive him was not going to be easy.

She had lost her husband, and it didn't matter that whether Lavi was directly the one caused his death, because none of these could have happened if they had not found the redhead and brought him back to town. And for that, Tina resented Lavi.

However, that wasn't what disturbed Lavi the most. What disturbed him the most was…

Lucas.

"_And not to mention, that Mr. Lucas, her own brother, actually kept getting in her way. Every time she demanded to meet the redhead from her brother for so many times for the past two years, he always rejected her and the next thing she knew, the pair keep disappearing and moving to another place to live to avoid her. I even heard from the chief that those two had been fighting in town for hundreds of times over handing over the redhead for her husband's sake. Geez is that redhead really worth for Mr. Lucas to defy his sister so many times? And for two years, Alas!"_

Lucas always tried to have him stay away from her. No matter how much Lavi tried to tell Lucas that they should clear all misunderstandings with his sister so as not to cause any more friction between the siblings, Lucas would always disallow him from contacting his elder sister. Lavi couldn't understand why Lucas would do this, but now he knew.

And he almost couldn't believe that Lucas had actually been hiding something as important as this from him. To prevent Lavi from blaming himself and feeling guilty when there was a possibility it wasn't Lavi's fault, Lucas had been the one confronting all the hatred caused, protecting him from the townspeople despite the pain inflicted by the appearance of the redhead. He hid them all from the redhead and secretly faced all those problems by himself. And Lavi didn't know _anything_ about this at all.

And once again, Lavi was harshly reminded how much the Norwegian had done for him. He was harshly reminded again how much Lucas had to sacrifice in order to ensure his safety and in order to stay with him. He had been fighting a harsh battle by himself, and Lavi didn't know _anything_ about this at all.

And right now, Lavi was harshly reminded, that despite sacrificing for him so much, all Lavi did in the end was to leave Lucas once again at the mansion to face all the townspeople that had been rejecting his existence, _alone_ again.

Upon that realization, Lavi raised his right hand to cover the right side of his face and chuckled bitterly. After that, Lavi sunk to the ground, sitting on the ground with his hands crossed and holding onto his upper arms. He brought his knees closer to his chest and curled himself up. He then lowered his head till his red locks covered his eye.

He wanted to cry, but not now. He couldn't forget that he was with Kanda right now. If he were to cry for Lucas again, it would definitely hurt Kanda again. He remembered the face Kanda had just now when Lavi started talking about Lucas again, and he didn't want to see that face again. So he willed himself to calm down and get a hold of himself. He had hurt Lucas, and he didn't want to hurt another one that he loved again.

"_You have already done whatever you can so right now you owed me no more. So please, live your life to the fullest from now on; that's my last request to you."_

That's right.

From now on, he was going to continue to live his life to the fullest with the one he realized he truly loved.

And for that, he promised himself he would cherish Kanda and himself, and would do his best to stay with him.

He would not hurt Kanda again.

After confirming his resolve, Lavi heaved a deep sigh to steel himself, willing himself not to think about what that had happened in the past. He then relaxed his whole body, releasing the tension he had on his shoulders and arms. Slowly but surely, he moved his hands down to rest on the cold wooden floor.

And it was then Lavi could feel something on his palm under his left hand. He then clenched his fist and brought up the item he had found to his eye level to examine what he had found.

When he opened up his hand, Lavi stared at the item for some time, then gasped softly while his eye widened fully.

_****Break****_

Nothing. Emptiness.

It was all Kanda could find and see in the cottage and in the two rooms it had, so he naturally assumed that it was an abandoned cottage. After confirming the safety of staying in the cottage till the snow subsided, Kanda then went his way back to the redhead. He was getting worried on leaving Lavi alone, even for a while, especially after hearing what those two strangers had said about that Tina and her husband. Knowing Lavi's personality and fragility to such things, Kanda had no doubt that Lavi could be getting depressed again.

After checking on one of the rooms with nothing but a bed, Kanda made his way back to the living room he presumed to meet Lavi.

There, he saw Lavi, standing by the door and facing a window with a view of the mountain that was beside the forest. However, Lavi had his head lowered in the direction of a clenched hand, indicating he was looking down at his hand instead of looking at the view. His back was facing Kanda so Kanda couldn't see Lavi's face at the moment. Lavi kept still when Kanda entered, as if he failed to realize Kanda's presence.

"Lavi?" Kanda called out, trying to catch Lavi's attention. Lavi's shoulders twitched slightly, indicating he had heard Kanda. Then, slowly, Lavi raised his head while hiding whatever was in his hand in his pants pocket, and hesitantly and slowly turned to face Kanda.

Kanda's eyes could only widen in response.

For tears are continuously flowing out from Lavi's eye.

"Lavi, what-" but before Kanda could finish, Lavi's legs moved upon hearing Kanda's voice again, and dashed up to him to jump at Kanda to embrace him tightly. Kanda, taken aback my Lavi's pounce, felt his legs lost their balance when Lavi hugged him so he fell backwards and landed on the ground with the weight of Lavi and himself hitting the floor, impact felt on his back. Kanda, whose wounds were about to recover but not fully recovered yet, felt a slight tolerable pain on his back and groan softly.

"Aw! Lavi, what-" again, he was interrupted before he could finish.

"Sorry…" was what Kanda could only hear from Lavi that was on top of him, hugging him tightly and burying his crying face on his shoulder. Kanda could feel the cloth on his shoulder getting wet.

"Lavi?" Kanda could not understand what had happened, that had caused Lavi to be like this.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" were the only words Kanda could hear from Lavi repeating. Even though he knew the answer, Kanda still wondered and curious to know and confirm whom Lavi's apologies were referring to.

And his question was soon answered with Lavi's unclear words as he kept crying.

"I'm sorry… Yuu…"

**To be continued…**

_as usual, please REVIEW._

_This is especially so if ya planning to fave or alert? Pretty please?_

_Even if its not good, u can tell me in reviews. =) everyone learns from mistakes, including me (an author is a 100% human too XD)_

_ok then, till my next update, (which I hope is soon)_

_jya ne~!_

_=August-chan=_


	18. Never, Ever Let You Go

_Hi there._

_Before u start, please read the following:-_

_Rating: M – for Violence, offensive language and Angst_

_Disclaimer: I do __**NOT**_ _own DGM._

_Warning: Yaoi, Use of Violence and Offensive Language_

_Extra Warning: __Lemon__ Alert!_

_Another important stuff: Right now, I would first like to pray for Japan due to the earthquake and nuclear radiation leak, and wish them a speedy recovery. Hoshino-sensei, I pray that you are well and safe, and so are the other of my favorite mangakas. _

_Credits: A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE FOR SUPPORTING ME:-_

_LaYuUsagi__ & __Lavi's Samuri Kanda Yu__: for encouraging me especially through this period of depression of mine_

_Zazouille__: for telling me the way to update my story during the 'ERROR' period! Thank you so much! ^_^_

_a message from me: sorry for the late update. Was planning to finish this as I had my study break this week but I ended up getting sick. =(_

_by the way, in case you need or want to know, this is probably the longest chapter of MaE so far, so be prepared for longer reading!_

_alright then, Enjoy~!_

**Chapter 18 – Kanda and Lavi's Turning Point : Never, Ever Let You Go**

"_Sorry…" was what Kanda could only hear from Lavi that was on top of him, hugging him tightly and burying his crying face on his shoulder. Kanda could feel the cloth on his shoulder getting wet._

"_Lavi?" Kanda could not understand what had happened, that had caused Lavi to be like this._

"_I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" were the only words Kanda could hear from Lavi repeating. Even though he knew the answer, Kanda still wondered and curious to know and confirm whom Lavi's apologies were referring to._

_And his question was soon answered with Lavi's unclear words as he kept crying._

"_I'm sorry… Yuu…"_

Lenalee managed to catch up and reach the dark port before the trio boarded the boat. Lavi, Kanda and Allen looked at Lenalee in confusion while she panted with her back slouched down and hands on her knees.

Soon after catching her breath, the three male teenagers continued looked at Lenalee as she went up to them and surprisingly grabbed Lavi.

"Sorry, Lavi," Lenalee said as she pulled Lavi by his arms. "Come here for a second." And with that, she pulled Lavi in a corner while Lavi looked at her with a puzzled expression.

But when he felt a cold glare and aura from somewhere behind him, Lavi became slightly nervous and tried to resist the pull.

"Oh don't worry Kanda," Lenalee said when she also realized the glare from Kanda. "I'm just going to talk to Lavi, nothing else."

Kanda eyed at Lenalee suspiciously, but turned and looked away when he saw the sweet and innocent face of hers. The face that promised slight mischief, but he knew that Lenalee and Lavi would not betray him… unless Lavi had a death wish.

Lenalee pulled Lavi away from the two men, then looked at them, making sure neither of them would make any attempt to eavesdrop them, especially Kanda. After making sure of that, Lenalee began to talk softly to Lavi, still being wary of the 'unwelcomed' men not part of the conversation.

"So Lavi," Lenalee lowered her voice so that the two exorcists would not unintentionally hear her. "Have you prepared your present yet?"

Lavi twitched slightly in surprise at that comment then relaxed.

"Ah I see," Lavi said and laughed softly. "No worries, Lenalee. Already prepared one a long time ago."

Upon hearing such words from Lavi, Lenalee looked at Lavi suspiciously.

"I do hope it's not a present where I will see Kanda chasing you around with Mugen activated again, as a result last year."

Lavi laughed softly again at Lenalee's comment.

"Don't worry for that too," Lavi said cheerfully. "It's something I bought it seriously for Yuu, and I'm sure he will like it."

"How would you know?" Lenalee asked, slightly surprised at the last comment.

"It's something that happened in one of the mission Yuu and I were in. I kind of dragged Yuu to shopping with me and there was something that, to my surprise, managed to catch his attention! He even looked at it for quite some time! But you know, he won't admit it and buy it."

"I see. So you bought it right?"

"Yeah!"

"Alright then," Lenalee said after she was relieved when she heard those words from Lavi. "Well then, good luck with your mission. Meanwhile I will prepare the party. Try to make it on time all right? Celebrating a birthday instead of a belated birthday is something everyone preferred."

"Don't worry Lenalee, I wouldn't miss for a lifetime," Lavi said as he smiled widely and turned away to join his two _nakama_, but was stopped by Lenalee again.

"Make sure you don't lose it okay?" Lenalee said as she looked at Lavi again. "The present I mean."

Lavi laughed again at the comment.

"You worry too much Lenalee. It's small, so I carried with me the whole time so I won't lose it. Even if I did I will find it back no matter what."

"Alright," Lenalee said as she released Lavi. "Make sure you don't forget that."

Lavi winked at her.

"Never, even if I fall down a cliff."

When their conversation finished, the three male exorcists boarded the boat and got out of the headquarters, with Lenalee behind waving at them to bid them goodbye. When the boat faded out of Lenalee's sight, she smiled in relief, happiness and excitement.

The party next week was definitely something to look forward to.

…

But only till three days later, where the news of Lavi's death came.

_****Two Years Later; Present Time****_

"I'm sorry Yuu…" Lavi continued apologizing repeatedly with his face buried in Kanda's shoulders, crying.

Kanda could only frowned in confusion to Lavi's sudden change in his mood and attitude. Just what had happened when he left Lavi alone?

"Lavi?" Kanda said while stroking Lavi's back for comfort, hoping to catch Lavi's attention and calm him down. "Lavi, what happened?"

However, no matter how many times Kanda asked, Lavi's only answer was the repeated apologies. Right now, Lavi was like a kid saying sorry profusely when he just realized he had made a big mistake.

Seeing he was not going to get any answers from Lavi that easily, Kanda sighed and stroked Lavi's hair gently this time.

"Lavi," Kanda said softly and soothingly this time. "It's alright, Lavi. Tell me what's wrong. What exactly happened?"

Lavi noticed the change in tone from Kanda, and fell into silence this time. But the sobbing still continued. Kanda took the silence as the answer, and sighed again.

"So, you're not going to tell me anything, do you?" Kanda asked as he continued stroked Lavi's hair.

"I'm sorry, Yuu," Lavi apologized again, though for a different reason this time. "I-It's just, I-"

Lavi abruptly stopped, for he felt a tugging at his hair, which Kanda silently asked Lavi to pull back. Kanda pulled gently for Lavi to lift himself up slightly and to look at his teary eye and moist face. For a third time, Kanda sighed again.

But this time, instead of asking Lavi anymore questions, he pushed down Lavi's head instead. Though surprised, Lavi followed the push of the hand on his head and slowly moved his head downwards.

And Lavi became more surprised as he felt Kanda pressing his lips on his forehead.

"Y-Yuu?" Lavi lifted his head to look at Kanda's dark eyes, and before he realized it, Kanda had moved closer, and Lavi instinctively closed his lone eye as Kanda kissed it. Lavi could then feel something warm and wet on his cheeks; Kanda was now licking his tears on the cheeks. Lavi blushed upon realizing that.

And again before he realized it, Lavi could feel the hand on his head pushed him down again and this time his lips was met by Kanda's. The kiss was soft, and Kanda's hand tilted Lavi's head to change the angle of their kiss. Kanda then opened his mouth.

He first sucked Lavi's lips, then released the pressure before his tongue came out to trace Lavi's bottom lip, silently pleading Lavi to open his mouth. Hesitantly but surely, Lavi parted his lips, giving Kanda the chance to dive into Lavi's mouth; Lavi had no reason to reject Kanda for a kiss anymore.

Kanda traced the insides of Lavi's mouth with his tongue hastily, rushing along Lavi's cheek, his teeth and then moved against Lavi's tongue. Lavi moaned and kissed back, moving his tongue to tangle with Kanda's. Both men's tongue moved and danced with each other as they both tried to dive into the insides of each other to taste each other.

Too engrossed with the kiss, Lavi had failed to realize that Kanda's other hand had lifted to his neck, fingers hooked to the scarf. Kanda then took the opportunity to pull the scarf to remove it from Lavi's neck and toss it aside.

It was then Lavi broke the kiss, for he felt the cold air around his neck and the need for air came. When Lavi realized he lost his scarf, he looked at Kanda confusely. But before he could ask anything, Kanda pushed him down again for another intense and passionate kiss, tongue quickly dived into Lavi's mouth when Lavi gasped in surprise. Again, Kanda exploded Lavi's mouth and guided Lavi's tongue to dance along, which Lavi complied again and kissed back. Kanda's hand then went to Lavi's waist, and slowly rolled them, lips and tongues never breaking the contact.

Once Lavi's back reached the cold floor, they broke apart for a while for air, a string of saliva connecting them soon broke, and both men moved closer towards each other for another kiss again. This time, their tongues touched each other before the lips. Lavi moaned into the kiss, hands going to the back of Kanda's neck to pull him closer, deepening their hot and passionate kiss.

It was then Kanda's hand slowly moved from Lavi's head down to the chest, and began fumbling with the zipper of Lavi's coat. Their lips separated as the need for air came again but another string of saliva connected them for a moment. Kanda took a moment to look at Lavi's face, reddened and panting from the intensity of the kiss. It was all because of the kiss from Kanda, and Kanda couldn't help but smirked upon the sight.

This is especially so when he had not seen the sight and the face for two long years. Kanda then moved his other hand to cup Lavi's face, stroking the cheek gently.

"Lavi..." Kanda called for Lavi in a soft voice. Lavi could only look at Kanda while panting, not failing to notice the sadness in Kanda's eyes despite the smirk from the Japanese exorcist. Without thinking except being preoccupied with thoughts to comfort Kanda, Lavi pulled Kanda down, which Kanda obediently followed to press a soft kiss at Lavi's mouth. And then, Lavi surprised Kanda when Kanda could feel Lavi's tongue pressing onto his lips, diving into the insides when Kanda opened his mouth.

Lavi then quickly went deep into Kanda's mouth, exploding and tasting Kanda. Kanda then kissed back and was quick to control the kiss, and then continued his task in removing Lavi's coat. He tugged and pulled the zipper down, opening up the coat and revealing the black shirt Lavi was wearing inside. Quickly, Kanda pulled the shirt at Lavi's waist, freeing the shirt from Lavi's pants.

The pair broke the kiss, Lavi panting harder then Kanda again but Kanda wasted no time and began to attach his lips to the exposed neck of Lavi's. He gave a trail of open-mouthed kisses down Lavi's neck, and then licked up on the same trail. Lavi shivered upon the contact, tilting his head for Kanda to gain better access to his neck, which Kanda took the opportunity to kiss a trail up from his neck to his cheek and then to his ear. Meanwhile, Kanda's hand wasn't idle as he slipped one under the shirt to explode Lavi's warm chest. Lavi moaned again when he felt the hand brushing past his nipple, and he moaned even louder when he felt Kanda nipped his ear, and then sucking on the ear-ring.

Letting his instincts take over, Kanda pulled back, only to kiss Lavi on the lips again, which Lavi kissed back without hesitating. Lavi broke the kiss with a gasp when Kanda ground his hips against Lavi, causing Lavi to arch his body to press against Kanda. It was then he could feel Kanda's arousal, and he began to panic slightly.

"Y-Yuu. W-Wait," Lavi said breathlessly while holding onto Kanda's shoulder. "Are we gonna... do this...?"

Kanda looked at Lavi with an eyebrow raised.

"What does it look like?"

"B-But..."

"I'm not waiting anymore," Kanda exclaimed as he freed his hand from under Lavi's shirt and began to open up the buttons of Lavi's shirt. Lavi tried to protest, but was silenced when Kanda leaned down again to capture Lavi in another passionate kiss. Once he had undone the last button, Kanda sat up, pulling Lavi along to slip the shirt and coat off Lavi's shoulder, removing and tossing them aside. Lavi shivered as the cold air covered his body, heated from the passion and desire he could feel in the atmosphere.

Kanda then quickly embraced Lavi, one hand at the back across to touch Lavi's waist while the other travel down the spine, causing Lavi to shivering, not only from the cold.

"W-Wait... Yuu..." Lavi hugged Kanda back, trembling. "I-It's cold..."

Kanda rested his hand on Lavi's ass through his pants, and then kissed and nipped at a point on Lavi's neck. Kanda then sucked hard on the same point, hard enough to leave a red-purplish visible hicky on the neck. Kanda pulled back to look at his work, smirk with pride and lick at it, Lavi trembling more intensely as the wetness cooled with the cold air.

"Y-Yuu... I-"

"It's okay, Lavi," Kanda whispered at Lavi's ear, then blow some hot air on the ear, causing Lavi to jump in response. Kanda smirked at it. He then pulled back, not leaving Lavi's arms, to look at Lavi's lone eye. He cupped Lavi's cheek again. "I'll warm you up tonight. And this time, no matter who comes, I will not stop anymore."

Lavi's eye widened upon that proclamation. This time, Kanda was taking him. This time, no matter who suddenly came in, Kanda would not stop. And this time, Kanda would finally made Lavi his, again.

And with that, Kanda slowly leaned forward and kissed Lavi again, then gently placing Lavi down onto the floor. Again, Kanda could feel Lavi attacking his mouth with his tongue again, and then he kissed him back, dancing with Lavi's tongue instead of fighting for control. It was then Lavi's hands begin moving, one moved to Kanda's hair to release the beautiful black hair from the ribbon tying it up, causing the hair to move down to brush through both men's faces. Meanwhile the other went to tug on the zipper of Kanda's coat, pulling it down with a trembling hand till where his arm could not reach anymore. But it didn't really matter, for Lavi was able to move his hand onto Kanda's bare chest, though half of it was covered in bandages. Kanda groaned upon the cold but welcomed contact on his chest.

Kanda then pulled back, despite Lavi trying to pull him down so as not to lose the body heat, and slowly moved his gaze from Lavi's face down his chest and down to his hips and lower. Lavi's hands were now on Kanda's chest and sleeve, and then he noticed a smirk at Kanda's face, which Kanda then leaned down again, and once again attacked Lavi's neck. He kissed and sucked down a trail, and slowly moved further down to Lavi's chest, then moved to the right nipple.

Wasting no time, Kanda licked at the nipple and gently nipped it; Lavi moaning softly as Kanda saw the nipple hardened. Then, Kanda covered it with his mouth and began to suck. Lavi's eye widened slightly in surprise as he cried out in pleasure; hand on the chest instinctively went onto Kanda's hair. Kanda couldn't help but smirk upon feeling Lavi's arousal, and he was sure Lavi himself could feel he was getting harder.

"Ah... Yuu..." Lavi could only moaned upon the treatment he was receiving from Kanda as he switched nipple, getting harder and more aroused by the seconds passed. As Kanda sucked on the left nipple, Kanda moved his hand downwards to Lavi's upper thigh and began stroking and squeezing on certain places, drawing out more soft moans from Lavi.

Kanda soon finally ceased his attention on the nipple and pulled back, but not before he licked the nipple one last time. He looked at Lavi's face again, flushed up and aroused, so he couldn't help but moved so that both of their arousal were in contact through their pants, and then teased Lavi by rolling his hips up to rub their arousal against each other. Lavi moaned louder again at the contact, back arching so as to press his arousal more on Kanda to create more of the pleasurable friction. Kanda, on the other hand, noticed Lavi's discomfortable tight pants, and smirked as he moved his hand down to the hardened member, stroking through the material of the pants.

Lavi couldn't help but cried out louder in pleasure, one hand still on the Kanda's sleeve, the other, which had released his grip on Kanda's hair when Kanda pulled back, searched for something around him on the floor for something to grip on. Pleasurable sensations were being filled up in his body as Kanda continued to stroke his member, so he instinctively moaned loudly, arched his back to create more friction, hand gripping tightly to Kanda's sleeve but his other hand had nothing to hold on to grip onto reality.

But that nothing soon became something as Lavi could feel something warm holding onto his hand, moving it so that the back of his hand was touching the floor, and then opening up his palm so that the fingers of the other hand could interlace with the fingers of Lavi's hand. Lavi's fingers clenched in response, clasping his hand slightly tightly with Kanda's.

And now, without holding back, Lavi's moans got louder by the seconds passed as Kanda continued to stroke him.

"Y-Yuu... please... I need..." Lavi knew he couldn't hold back his release anymore if Kanda continued his treatment so he tried to protest. Kanda however, smirked upon those words and instead of stopping, he sped up his strokes, causing Lavi to moan louder, throwing his head back as he arched his back higher. But Lavi knew he was at a dangerous level to release himself with his pants on. "P-Please... Yuu!"

Lavi was practically already yelling at Kanda in frustrations. Kanda, who decided not to tease Lavi anymore so he complied, removing his hand from Lavi's sensitive area. Lavi groaned softly at the loss, but soon gasped in relief when Kanda opened up the button of his pants and unzipped it to pull down the pants. Lavi raised his hips to help Kanda remove his pants and boxers, and gasped when his hardened member was free and covered by the cold air around.

Kanda tossed the pants and boxers aside, eyes not leaving Lavi's finally naked body. Lavi shivered as he noticed Kanda's appreciation in his eyes and smirk.

"I'm sorry, Lavi. You're cold, aren't you?" Kanda asked as his hands moved onto his chest, down to his stomach and abdomen. Lavi, too breathless to speak could only nod in response. "Then, as promised, I'll warm you up tonight."

With that, Kanda immediately moved down to Lavi's hardened member. He licked at the underside of the member, licking a trail up from the base to the tip. Lavi moaned at the contact and his hands quickly made their way to Kanda's hair, gripping tightly. Kanda then kissed the tip, and then covered it with his mouth and licked the tip with his tongue. It was then Kanda could feel the pre-cum beginning to flow out from the tip. Upon that realization, Kanda began to suck.

Lavi, feeling the sensations in his member in Kanda's mouth, moaned out louder than any of the moans before that. He arched his back as if trying to thrust into Kanda's mouth, but Kanda disallowed it by holding onto his hips with an arm across. Lavi began to moan louder and louder as he could feel Kanda's mouth covering more of his member, proven by the sight of Kanda's head moving down. His grip on Kanda's hair became tighter as Kanda continued to message Lavi's member which his mouth, while Kanda's free hand went back to stroking on places where he couldn't reach with his mouth.

"Ah... God... Yuu... Ah...!" Lavi couldn't help but continued to moan more and more louder at the pleasurable and heated sensations he could feel, hands gripping more tightly on Kanda's hair and closing his eye to concentrate more on the sensations.

Kanda, upon hearing Lavi's moans, confidently began to bob his head and started grazing Lavi's member with his teeth. His confidence grew when Lavi moaned even louder, and then Kanda relaxed his throat, taking Lavi in as much as he can. Lavi moaned again when Kanda hummed.

And it wasn't long that Lavi couldn't hold back anymore.

"Y-Yuu... I'm gonna... c-cu-"

When Kanda heard the warning, he suddenly pulled back; Lavi groaning at the loss of the heated mouth at his member. Just when Lavi was about to glare at Kanda for making him feel so empty suddenly, Kanda didn't give him any chance to respond as he had wrapped the member with his hand this time, and began stroking and pumping at a fast speed.

"Ah! Yuu! What are you-" Lavi moaned out loudly again, arms stretching to hold onto Kanda's hair, and arched his back again. His head was also thrown back again, eye widened while the pupil shrunk. Kanda ignored Lavi's protest and continued to stroke at a past pace. It wasn't long when Lavi finally couldn't take it anymore, and released into Kanda's hands as he called Kanda's name loudly.

Upon the release, Kanda's hand removed itself from the member, with Lavi groaning softly. Lavi on the other hand was panting heavily, calming himself down from the high he had felt a few moments ago. He let go of Kanda's hair and rested his hands on the floor. Kanda looked at Lavi's blushing face again and couldn't help but smirk upon the sight and the awareness that he was the one making Lavi all flushed up and aroused. Noticing the smirk, Lavi looked at Kanda carefully while he continued panting.

Their eyes locked at each other, but soon broke when Kanda lifted his hand, wet with Lavi's cum and licked at his palm, causing Lavi to blush upon the sight. Kanda then moved down to kiss Lavi again, letting Lavi taste himself in his mouth. Lavi groaned at the bitter taste of himself, and once again moved his hands to the back of Kanda's neck to deepen the kiss, wanting to taste Kanda and his own release.

They then broke apart, Kanda looked at Lavi closely before speaking again.

"Are you ready for the next step? Lavi?" Kanda asked huskily and Lavi couldn't help but nod, even though he was fully aware of what was going to happen next. Kanda smiled upon the reply. Lavi was getting ready to accept him. And Lavi was not going to stop him from claiming him anymore. Lavi was finally getting ready to accept Kanda's feelings and finally willing to be his and only his. No one had any idea how elated Kanda was at the moment.

Lavi's eye slightly widened upon seeing that smile. A sincere smile that Lavi felt he had not see it for a long time. It was the smile that captivated him, and he wanted Kanda to continue always smiling, instead of putting on the hurtful face he had seen in the forest some time ago, and only Lavi could make sure of that.

Lavi smiled back, then pulled Kanda down, which Kanda followed along and placed his lips on Lavi's, beginning another passionate and heated kiss. Making sure Lavi was well distracted, Kanda lowered his hand down and used his finger to locate Lavi's entrance. Lavi groaned in the kiss when he felt Kanda's finger, wet with his cum, on his entrance, rubbing against it before pushing one finger in.

Lavi's moan of surprise was muffled by the kiss, and he held onto Kanda tightly as Kanda continued pushed his finger through the tight muscles in Lavi. They broke apart for air for a moment; Kanda quickly kissed Lavi again while he thrusted his finger in and out before putting in a second one. Lavi broke the kiss with a gasp of pain and surprise as Kanda had impatiently inserted a third finger into Lavi's small and tight entrance.

"Tight..." Kanda moaned as he began to thrust in and out his three fingers, ignoring Lavi's cries of pain and protest. Lavi could only held onto Kanda tightly, tensing up as the fingers worked to prepare him. However, Lavi soon tensed up even further and jerked, gasping sharply when Kanda managed to thrust onto a spot inside him that filled up his whole body suddenly with a sharp peak of pleasure.

Kanda couldn't help but smirk and rub the fingers against that spot again, causing Lavi to cry out and arch his back again in pleasure, as if trying to make Kanda thrust his fingers back against that spot.

"Oh God... Yuu... Please... There..." Lavi shut his eye tightly and held onto Kanda with a pair of tensed arms as he begged Kanda to continue to do something, anything to make him feel that wonderful sensations of hitting his 'sweet' spot again. Kanda obliged, then removed his fingers, ignoring Lavi's groan of protest.

But the groan was soon replaced by a moan as Lavi watched Kanda pulling back, releasing himself from Lavi's arms to unzip his long coat, opening up so that Lavi could see more of his bare chest. He then unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, then pulled them down till his member was free from the restricting material of the pants and sagged in relief. Kanda began shivering as cold air wrapped around his hot and hard member. Lavi was right, the surroundings were cold; it was snowing after all.

"Yuu... Please..." Kanda's attention was soon brought back to Lavi, who seemed to notice Kanda's lustful and sexual needs and desire and thus called for him. Lavi himself seemed to have needs and wants waiting to be fulfilled after all.

Kanda looked closely at Lavi's lone eye, watching out for any hesitation or fear or panic from the redhead. But Kanda found none of these. Instead, he seemed to find eagerness and anticipation in the eye and face of the redhead. Smirking, Kanda moved down, lifting Lavi's legs to wrap around his waist and grabbed his hips with one hand. His the other hand went to wrap across Lavi's back and held him tight in an embrace. Lavi hugged back, arms going under Kanda's and clinging tightly onto Kanda's exorcist coat at his shoulder blades. With the close proximity, Kanda could feel Lavi started shivering again.

"Are you still cold?" Kanda whispered gently on Lavi's ear. Lavi nodded, shivering even more strongly, but being cold was not the only reason. Lavi could then feel Kanda shifted, positioning his member at Lavi's entrance and Lavi once again shivered in being cold and in anticipation as well.

"Please... Yuu... I..."

Lavi needed not to say anything anymore. Upon hearing those words, Kanda kissed Lavi again and began to push his arousal into Lavi's entrance. Lavi broke the kiss as he hissed in pain, unconsciously tightening his muscles around the intrusion. Kanda however, despite the tightness, seemed to grow impatient on the progress his member could go so he ignored Lavi's protest and thrusted all the way in through the tight muscles with force. This, of course, caused Lavi to throw his head back and practically screamed his lungs out in pain. There was no doubt the sound had echoed throughout the whole cottage, but since no one was in the cottage, it didn't really matter...

Both men were panting heavily when Lavi seemed to calm down; Kanda giving Lavi the time he needed to get used to the intrusion. Kanda wanted to move, but not when Lavi was clenching onto his coat so tightly and moaning loudly in pain.

"Lavi, Lavi," Kanda tried calling out to Lavi, slightly regretted thrusting himself into Lavi too fast. "A-Are you alright?"

Lavi managed to catch Kanda's question, nodding in response. It's true that it hurt, but it was also true that Lavi wanted this. Lavi could still remember the feeling and sensation he got a few moments ago when Kanda rubbed against a particular spot inside, and he wanted that sensation again, which most probably would be stronger this time with Kanda's arousal instead of his fingers.

"Yuu... please... I need... so... move..." Lavi begged, which Kanda slowly pulled back, moving Lavi's hands to hold onto his sleeve instead. Despite Lavi's protest to hold him close, Kanda wanted to see Lavi's face even more. The face he was unable to see for two years. The face which he missed for two years. The face he always dreamed of for the past two hellish years he suffered.

"Lavi..." Lavi opened his eye upon hearing his name. The voice filled with so much needs, so much desires. Lavi watched Kanda's face, and slowly watched a sweat drop flowed from the temple to his cheekbone down his cheek to his chin. He then watched Kanda closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and groaned as he could feel Kanda's member inside him moved out a little, twisting the member and thrust back in. Again, Lavi cried out, not caring if anyone had heard him or not.

But Lavi soon regretted it.

"D-Did you heard that?" an unfamiliar but also slightly familiar voice was heard outside the cottage, at the other side of the door that was beside them. With his great memory, Lavi recognized the voice and eye widened in shock and panic.

"Y-Ya... someone's screaming... and it's coming from here... in this cottage..."

Lavi panted heavily, trying to calm down his body but his grip on Kanda's sleeve tightened.

"Y-Yuu... I- Ahh!" Lavi tried to say something, but his words were cut off. Kanda had pulled back and thrusted back into Lavi again, ignoring everything else around, as if he had never heard the people outside. Lavi shifted his hands slowly from the sleeves to the chest, trying to push Kanda away. "Y-Y-Yuu! W-Wait! I- There's... people... coming..."

However, Kanda ignored Lavi's words again. This time, Kanda went to Lavi's thigh, hooking to them with his elbows to spread Lavi's leg apart and gain himself better access to Lavi's entrance. Once again, he pulled out slightly only to thrust back into Lavi again.

But this time, Lavi couldn't help but screamed out, but not in pain this time. Kanda smirked on his finally discovery, and with the same angle, he pulled and thrusted back into Lavi again, hitting the 'sweet' spot dead on. Lavi screamed out again, gripping onto the cloth on Kanda's chest forgetting the people outside for a moment.

But he soon chilled in panic and fear as soon as the voices returned.

"W-What the hell is going on... Someone's keep screaming inside..."

"W-What are you waiting for? Go in and check!"

"What? Why me only? You go in with me too!"

"Fine! But you're the one opening the door!"

The sounds of footsteps plodding through the snowy ground could be heard, and were getting louder, meant the two people outside were getting closer. Lavi panicked, trying to push Kanda away from him again, begging him to stop. He couldn't get caught like this. It would be totally an awkward and embarrassing situation, not to mention he and Kanda would be tied up and brought to Tina, and someone would get hurt again.

"Y-Yuu! Please stop!" Lavi said to Kanda softly, being cautious of the two people outside.

"Stop?" Kanda just looked at Lavi with a pair of firm eyes. "No way. I thought I had told you already Lavi, no matter who comes this time, I won't stop."

Lavi's eye widened upon those words from Kanda.

"B-But-"

"Shh... Trust me, Lavi," Kanda said as he thrusted back into Lavi again. Lavi wanted to scream, but he managed to muffle it by biting onto the back of his hand. Kanda continued to thrust in and out, finding his rhythm he was comfortable with. Lavi began to bit harder on his hand as Kanda thrusted more, pleasure accumulating in his body. It wasn't long that Lavi was unable to hold back anymore, and he continued to bite his hand harder, to the point blood was pouring out. Kanda noticed this, so he paused for a while to lean forward and grab Lavi's hands.

"Don't do that... it hurts right?" Kanda said as he licked the bite point that was bleeding to soothe it. Lavi panted, watching Kanda licking his hand and not forgetting the two outside. Lavi panicked again as he could no longer hearing any more footsteps.

"O-Open the door will ya?"

Shit, those two were right at the other side of the door now.

"B-Be quiet!" and with that Lavi could see the door knob slowly turned. Lavi turned to look at Kanda with a face full of panic, and the next thing he knew, the door began to open.

Impulsively, Lavi quickly moved his hands to the back of Kanda's neck, and then quickly pulled Kanda down to smash his lips onto Kanda, forcing his tongue through Kanda's lips and into the mouth. Kanda's long strands of hair then flew down to the sides, covering both of their faces and heads as if it was some sort of curtain hiding them from sight. Kanda naturally gave in to the kiss, tongue coming out to play along with Lavi's.

""W-What!"" both Kanda and Lavi could hear the two men that had just entered shouting in shock. Lavi was too afraid to see what kind of faces the two intruder were having, so he tried to distract himself to the kiss, which Kanda was fully concentrating on. However, both of them could feel the stare from the men who had just entered.

And seeing that the two men were not going to leave, Kanda sighed mentally, moving one of his hand down to Lavi's side, soothingly caressing it by moving up and down. It was as if telling Lavi to relax and trust him. Understanding the movement, Lavi and Kanda reluctantly broke apart, but Lavi quickly turned to the side while Kanda lowered his head slightly to position himself beside Lavi's head, continuing using his long hair to cover Lavi as much as he could. Kanda then turned to glare coldly and murderously at the two intruder that could have ruined this big moment he was having.

Feeling the cold and murderous aura from the Japanese, the two Norwegian men blushed heavily both at the embarrassment of barging into such an intimate scene and at the slight fear due to the glare from Kanda. The two quickly apologized with a quick bow, and then dashed out of the cottage, closing the door behind them. Kanda paused for a moment.

"D-D-D-Damn it..." he heard one of the two cursed. "D-Did you just see what I think I just see?"

"N-No kidding..." the other replied, with a slight stuttering due to embarrassment. "Can't believe we actually bumped into such a thing... and with two _guys_ doing each other..."

"One of them looks like a foreigner. The other one at the bottom... wait a minute. Did you notice something about the other one?"

"What about it?"

"For a minute... I thought I saw something red. Did you see anything like that?"

Lavi breathed in sharply upon that comment, heart began pounding in panic.

"Don't know, can't really see much in the dark. Besides, I doubt much he's the guy we're looking for. I mean, t-that redhead, shouldn't he be with Mr. Lucas instead of a foreign guy there?"

"T-True..."

Silence followed, but broke soon enough, when Kanda smirked and leaned down, biting on to one of Lavi's nipple. Lavi, taken aback, cried out in surprise and pleasure as his nipple was then sucked. The two guys outside jumped upon hearing Lavi's moan.

"Damn young homo foreigners these days... Can't believe they could do it here instead of in a hotel..."

"W-We better go before we hear a-anything... s-strange anymore."

Footsteps of retreat were soon heard, and Lavi mentally sighed in relief. However, it was hard to ignore the treatment he was receiving at his nipple, so he moaned out loudly and arched his back again. Kanda smirked and pulled back, but only to straighten up and place another heated kiss onto Lavi's mouth again.

Kanda soon broke the kiss, then looked into Lavi's eye.

"See? Things will be alright if you trust me."

"B-But Yuu..." Lavi stuttered, still recovering from the panic and shock he had. "W-What if they had noticed me? What if they had noticed me and then-"

Kanda cut his words off with another kiss, this time soft and soothing.

"It doesn't matter to me though," Lavi looked at Kanda, eye widened upon hearing his answer. "In fact, I would prefer if they know it's you. Then I can show to them that you belonged to me instead of that Lucas..."

"Huh?" Lavi said, slightly confused and surprised. "Y-You mean you actually minded about me and Lucas-"

"Yes of course," Kanda growled slightly in reply this time, making Lavi go silent to avoid angering Kanda. "I thought I told you before, Lavi. I minded a lot. I very much minded that you are very close to him. I very much minded that you allowed him to touch you. I very much minded that there is someone else, no matter who, being so intimate with and touching the person I love."

Lavi's eye widened and blushed more furiously upon those words from Kanda, but soon blinked in surprise when he realized something else.

"W-Wait a minute, Yuu," Lavi said, and Kanda looked at him while an eyebrow raised in slight confusion. "D-Did you just say, you love me?"

Kanda's eyes widened and he froze, stunned into silence as he himself had just realized what he had just said.

"Yuu, did you-"

"S-Shut up!" Kanda blushed furiously this time, then leaned down to kiss Lavi on the lips again, disallowing Lavi to say anymore words. He then forced his tongue into Lavi's mouth, ravishing the insides again hungrily. Lavi couldn't help but moan at the way Kanda's tongue was moving in his mouth.

After making sure Lavi was sufficiently distracted, Kanda hooked onto Lavi's knees again, and then thrusted his hardened member back again, hitting Lavi's 'sweet' spot dead on. Lavi broke the kiss to scream out loudly in pleasure, but his screams continued and then replaced by moans of passion and pleasure as Kanda found his rhythm again, thrusting Lavi in and out.

"Ah! Y... Yuu!" Lavi cried out, instinctively wrapping his legs around Kanda's waist and hands went to his back to cling onto Kanda's coat again. "Y-Yuu! So... good... faster... harder... Ah!"

Hearing Lavi calling his name, Kanda continued thrusting, making sure Lavi went high in pleasure every time he hit that spot. Kanda then started sharing open-mouthed kisses with Lavi again while thrusting, moaning for Lavi and words for himself too.

"God... Lavi... So good..."

"Yuu! I-I need... Oh God... Yuu!" Lavi couldn't help but keep moaning continuously, now that he didn't have to worry about people suddenly barging into the scene. After all, Kanda himself had said he would not stop, well, not at this stage anymore.

And definitely not at this point of time, where Lavi could feel himself coming close to the peak of pleasure, and from the way Kanda was moaning and the rhythm he was thrusting into Lavi was going erratic, Kanda was getting close too. It didn't matter who would suddenly barge in this time. Both men were going near their end, and nothing could stop them now.

And the next thing he knew, Lavi could feel a warm hand wrapping around his hardened member again, pumping it as if encouraging Lavi to come. Lavi choked on a moan when he felt the stroking and the pumping from Kanda's hand, head throwing back again, exposing his neck in the process. Noticing the bare and exposed neck with one visible hicky on one side, Kanda smirked and leaned down, lips pressing on the other side of the neck to kiss it before lapping at it and sucked hard. Unconsciously, Lavi tilted his head, granting Kanda better access.

"Y-Yuu... I'm gonna-"

Kanda needed no more warning. He sucked harder at the neck, forming another hicky in the process and pulled back once satisfied with the darkened contrasting color to the slightly tanned skin. He then gave one final thrust, causing Lavi to come with a scream.

"Yuu!" without holding back, Lavi released his seeds onto his stomach and Kanda's bare chest. His face was red, the same shade and tone of red as his hair, eye closed and mouth opened as he moaned out loudly Kanda's name. Kanda looked at the face, the face he was familiar with before two years ago. The face he had desired to see right from the beginning.

"Lavi..." Kanda too moaned out Lavi's name softly, then closely his eyes and gritted his teeth as he came too, releasing a rush of hot liquid of his seeds inside Lavi.

When it was over, both men collapsed out of exhaustion and started panting.

_****Break****_

"I-I don't believe this..."

"... What?"

"You..." Lavi said as he looked up at Kanda, attempting to glare at the Japanese exorcist. "There is a bed here and you knew, yet you choose to do this right in the living room on the floor? I can't believe you..."

"Che," Kanda clicked his tongue in response. "The bed was pretty dirty to me when I saw it. I didn't know there were extra blankets in the cupboard there."

"Then you could have asked me..."

"How do you expect me to know that you knew about this place?" Kanda argued, slightly annoyed at Lavi's sudden reprimand at him. "Besides, what makes you think I can wait."

"Huh?" Lavi looked at Kanda this time with an eyebrow raised in confusion.

"I was waiting to do this ever since we talked in mansion... I thought I told you already, after those words you said, do you expect me to wait?"

Lavi's expression softened and he blushed lightly, remembering his confession outside Kanda's room at the mansion. Kanda then suddenly pulled Lavi closer to him, causing Lavi to yelp in surprise.

"Do you have any idea... how much I wanted this? How many times... I dreamed of this?"

Lavi blinked in surprise at those words, and then was pulled back slightly to meet the pair of firm eyes of Kanda.

"Do you have any idea... how much... I wanted you?"

Lavi's eye widened slightly and blushed more furiously at that confession, and looked down out of embarrassment. He could feel Kanda pulling him close again, and Lavi showed no resistance by allowing himself to be pulled towards Kanda's chest, which was now bared and free of bandages. (The bandages, which was tainted by Lavi's cum, was used to clean up both of their chest and Lavi's thigh to clean them of their cum.)

Lavi then slowly relaxed, and hesitantly rested his forehead on Kanda's chest. It seemed Kanda's wounds had recovered fully, and Lavi smiled in relief at the thought. He then nuzzled up to Kanda's chest as he felt Kanda's hand moving up to strike his red hair. A thought that came up in Lavi's mind.

Hesitantly, Lavi's hand went to Kanda's back, and began playing with the long strands of black hair behind.

"Yuu?" Lavi called, trying to catch Kanda's attention.

"Hmm?" Kanda replied, with his eyes closed. It seemed he was trying to get to sleep.

"I want to forever touch your hair like this, can I?"

Kanda's eyes opened upon that question. It was the question Lavi had asked on their first night. The permission to touch those hair which Kanda did not easily allow, especially for Lavi before he realized his feelings for him, for Lavi always made fun of him by braiding it and annoyed Kanda in the process. But right now... Kanda was more than willing to let Lavi touch it, except for braiding of course.

"Only if you let me touch yours, forever as well," Kanda said as he kissed Lavi's hair and bury his face into it. And Kanda could feel it, the same feeling he loved when he was close to Lavi, the same feel and smell of Lavi's hair which he liked it.

Lavi smiled when he felt the breathe of Kanda tingling through his hair, and nuzzled up into Kanda's chest again.

"By the way, Lavi," Kanda said, which Lavi just gave a soft 'hmm' in response. "How do you know about this place?"

Lavi's hand which was playing with Kanda's hair behind stopped, Lavi frozen in surprise.

"Lavi?" Kanda noticed Lavi froze, and called Lavi in concern. Lavi responded by twitching slightly, hesitating before he replied.

"T-This place... used to be a place Lucas always hanged out in whenever he didn't feel like staying at home."

Kanda froze, stunned into silence upon hearing Lucas' name, and mentally cursed himself.

"I was the first person he showed this place to... considering it was his secret hideout... and... we used to lived here for some time once before we-"

Lavi abruptly stopped, when he realized Kanda had suddenly held onto him tighter.

"It's ok, Lavi," Kanda said, knowing that mentioning Lucas was a bad idea and the Norwegian mountaineer was definitely a sensitive topic for Lavi to talk about right now. "It's alright... it's ok if you don't want to talk about it."

"Yuu..." Lavi stayed silent after that, returning Kanda's tight embrace by hugging back, bringing his arm across Kanda's waist.

However, despite the comfort Kanda was showering him with, Lavi couldn't help but remembered what had happened that night, where he was forced to leave Lucas in order to save himself from Tina and the townspeople coming after him. Once again, he remembered how Lucas had protected him all this time without him knowing, and right now he was sacrificing himself in order to make sure Lavi safely went back.

Back to home, back to where he belonged. And most importantly...

"_But you don't love me."_

Lavi couldn't help but feel disgusted with himself, for he could not deny the truth in those words. All these times, Lucas sacrificed so much for him, but only to realize the person he had done it for didn't love him. Instead, he fell in love with someone else, and was even willing to let him go to be with the one he loved.

"_So please, live your life to the fullest from now on."_

"Y-Yuu?" Lavi hesitantly called for Kanda.

"Hmm?" Kanda replied as he continued stroke Lavi's hair.

"L-Lucas... he let me go... because... he wanted me to be... happy," Kanda twitched slightly when Lavi mentioned Lucas' name, but made no effort to stop Lavi from continuing this time. "S-So can you... promise me something?"

Kanda stopped stroking Lavi's hair, and pulled back to look at Lavi's face, silently asking what Lavi wanted him to promise him. Lavi, understanding Kanda, moved his hand to tug Kanda's hand away from his hair gently, then moved them in front of him, and gripped the hand tighter. But Kanda's gaze never left Lavi's face, for he noticed Lavi's eye, filled with so much sadness, so much guilt, so much pain and probably regrets.

"C-Can you promise? T-That you will never let go? Of this hand?"

Kanda widened his eyes, and looked at the hand, the bite mark Lavi did on himself still there. It was then he remembered.

It was that hand. That very same hand that Lavi let go off to save his life two years ago. The very same hand he couldn't hold on to.

Kanda then looked at his hand on Lavi's. It was the hand that he couldn't hold tightly enough with on the most important person in his life, causing Lavi's fall and leading to the painful days they were having right now.

That's right. Kanda was now looking at the pair of hands that had caused them both to suffer for the past two years, filled with sadness and regrets. And right now, Lavi was holding on to the hands tightly, begging him not to let go again. After suffering for two years, right now, it was as if his prayers were answered, giving him the miracle he needed, fulfilling his longing for his redhead. It was as if, he was given a second chance in his life, to always hold onto the person most important to him, and this time, he would never want to let it go, ever again.

Kanda looked into Lavi's eye before he answered, and he squeezed back onto Lavi's hand, trembling while waiting for his answer.

"Only if you promise that you will always hold onto mine, and never let go," Lavi's eye widened upon that answer, slightly surprised. "Can you do that? For me? Lavi?"

Lavi looked into Kanda's eyes, so firm, so determined but also hinted the existence of pain and regrets. Lavi couldn't help but feel a slight pain in the chest, as if he felt he had said something he shouldn't have. But he felt relieved of Kanda's answer at the same time.

Returning the determined gaze, Lavi nodded slowly but surely. Kanda saw the gesture, and smiled sincerely, captivating Lavi with his smile once again that night. Kanda then shifted his hand for him to hold onto Lavi's hand instead, and then pulled him closer again for another embrace. Kanda then pulled Lavi's hand to his back to encourage him to hug him back, which Lavi obediently followed and rested his head on the pillow shared with Kanda, his forehead right in front of Kanda's lips. Kanda had one arm went across Lavi's waist, but his upper arm went up across his back and his hand went into Lavi's hair. Kanda then closed his eyes and kissed Lavi's forehead, before he murmured.

"I'll never, ever let you go."

**To Be Continued**

_Next up there will finally be some serious plot, which I hope I will have the time to work on the next chapter and update soon. But school's starting, so will definitely take me some time. But I promise I will try my best! =)_

_meanwhile, PLEASE REVIEW, especially if you are favorite-ing or alerting (though I won't curse you for not... no matter how tempting it is...) _

_but still, PLEASE REVIEW_

_alright then, till the next update, _

_Jya ne~!_

_=August-chan=_

_P.S. I know you may be getting tired of this, but right now I can only tell u that I will do my best to update 'My World' by next month. So sorry to those patiently waiting for it. _


	19. AN NOT a chapter

For those who have been following my stories, I'm so sorry. But I can only continue writing in December, as I'm facing my examinations from end November till early December. As a university student, my grades are my deciding factor whether I can survive in the society in the future and despite knowing that, I failed 3 modules last semester. -.-  
Hence, it is essential that i used this semester to catch up on my studies and grades as much as I can.

So be disappointed all u want, as a human, i cannot possibly sacrifice my future for writing. however, u can continue to review or PM if u wanna rush me or something. to me, these are great motivations despite times like this and it always never failed to make my day =)  
So if u wanna complain, i welcome them all but do keep in mind that it wont speed up my updates till the 8th December. Haha =X

But in case u guys wanna know, here are my progress:-  
1) Memories aren't Everything; chapter 19 - 85%  
2) My World Is Never Complete Without you - 10%  
3) I Just Need You By My Side - 35%


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